Finally meet someone I like... and she's moving away! Advice please!

lostinrates

On Saturday tell her face to face, and ask if she will keep seeing you after the move.

It's really is time to 'be a man' about the issue, not a text.

quantumleap

lostinrates wrote: »

On Saturday tell her face to face, and ask if she will keep seeing you after the move.

It's really is time to 'be a man' about the issue, not a text.

I agree with this mate. I'm from Northern Ireland (and live here) and believe me when I tell you that I have known many relationships between friends of mine and people from England, Scotland and Wales that have worked. My brother in law is now living in England with his English wife! When they were apart they spent one weekend together every month, alternating the cost of travel. Because they always planned ahead the flights didn't really cost very much in the grand scale of things!


However you do need to tell this girl that you like her a lot and would love to continue spending time with her after her move. She will either want the same thing or she won't - either way I suspect you'll be in no doubt about her reply within a few minute of telling her what you think.


I wish you well... keep us updated!

londoner01

Fire_Fox wrote: »

Stop overthinking and overanalysing everything!!!!!! Get some help with that, perhaps a GP referral for talking therapies.

Oh come on, not all over-thinking is GP-worthy!

The thing is Optimus, overanalysing can be normal especially if you're really into her and/or have not had many other experiences, but you know what's the best thing? Overthinking together

Let her know how you feel! You're in the best situation ever: in the unlikely event that she doesn't like you back, you won't bump into her accidentally!

vegasvisitor

I agree, not gp-worthy at all in my opinion.

I'm supposing OP is just venting on here, looking for advice, and maybe not taking it that seriously - ie it's just casual chit-chat.

I keen to see this one working out though. despite the unfortunate move plans.

And regarding the text, I think the reply was fine - I don't think it was a brush off at all. Sounds like she appreciated the message.

bluecelticgirl

I was living in Australia and my husband was living in the UK 20 years ago when we met - just go for it!

maintenanceman

TBH I have found myself in a similar situation as the O.P. Not an internet relationship but quite simply 'is this for real 'situation. Maybe thats the O.P position. he is doubting himself and therefor her.

OptimusNemesis

Told her yesterday how I feel after another great day out together and she likes me too! :-)

I think we both feel that her moving to NI could make things difficult. I told her that I'm prepared to fly out there as often as I can but there will obviously be a bit of time between her settling in to her new place and when we can arrange being able to meet. We'll probably start off with meeting once a month and see how things go from there.

I'm glad not everyone thinks I need to visit a GP! ;-) lol

maintenanceman is right - it was a kind of 'is this for real' situation. We get on so well and I enjoy being with her so much - and the fact that she is just lovely in every respect - that part of me thought that it all seemed a bit too good to be true, so I kept trying to figure out whether I was seeing things because she really likes me or because I wanted that to be the case. Have to say, I'm dead chuffed right now that I wasn't just imagining it! :-)

I'm just going to enjoy the time I spend with her the next couple of weekends before she moves and then see how things work out from there. It will be difficult as, frankly, I miss her during the week now as it is but I guess we'll just have to see what happens.

Anyway, thanks for all the replies on this - I've been checking back here and reading them often and I appreciate everything that has been said. :-)

- G

Fire_Fox

:j:j:j:j:j:j

londoner01

Oh, so pleased to see this, I came back to check this thread for updates!

Good to see you confident about it now, right attitude for the long distance period!

OptimusNemesis

I think I may have spoken too soon.

The week started off really well - we've been texting quite a bit and we've been teasing and joking as usual.

Tuesday was really good - we ended the day texting links to silly videos on Youtube which ranged from funny to just bad.

Yesterday I got one text in the morning and then heard nothing all day. Highly unusual but I thought that perhaps she was just very busy.

I wanted to talk to her about what is going to happen when she moves away - it's happening a week on Saturday and we'd only briefly mentioned it the previous weekend. I just wanted to know what her plan was and how exactly she felt about it. I just sent her a message saying I'd like to chat to her after work. Late in the evening, about 4 hours or so after I'd texted, I got a message just saying she wasn't in the mood for talking - she was feeling quite down.

So I texted her and asked what was up - I wondered if I'd maybe said or done something and inadvertently upset her. She replied back and said it wasn't me she was just on a downer - that was the last I heard about it (despite me asking what was wrong).

This morning she sent me an email with some pics from a mini-convention we went to on Saturday. She also mentioned the reason why she'd been down. I won't say here because I don't think that would be right, but I do empathise entirely with her reason as I've been there myself. I told her that in my reply. She also said that she'd perked up now and her messages today have seemed a bit happier although I wouldn't say they were quite how they were a few days ago.

Anyway, I decided to ask her about her move to Northern Ireland. I told her pretty much what I'd said on Saturday, that I really like her but I wanted to know what her plan is. I've told her that I'd still like to continue. When we talked about it on Saturday, we'd said that maybe we'd start off with just once a month but she didn't seem entirely sure.

The reply I got back was "that one will take me a while to answer". She then told me a couple of other things relating to her depression yesterday. That's all I've heard on the subject, no more messages this evening.

The thing is, while I understand she felt a bit down - it kind of leaves me in limbo. In my message I'd told her that I miss her after a week so if I was going to wait a month at a time, I'd need an idea of how she felt about that too. Would we just be friends and see how it works out or would we continue as we are? I'm not at all clear on her thoughts and feelings regarding it.

While I understand her earlier problem from yesterday, I've made it clear that I'm here to talk to her but she doesn't really want to open up about it. That's fair enough as it's something personal to her but with barely a week now until she goes, she seems reluctant to tell me her thoughts and feelings about moving - and that does involve me. I don't want her to go off and then I sit there not knowing what's happening, only to either never hear anything again or get a text one day saying she didn't want to continue after all. I wasn't expecting a cunningly detailed plan but a hint as to whether she really wants to continue or put it all on hold or even call it a day would be nice.

The other thing is that someone I've been talking to online for ages told me she'd like to meet me on Saturday. Of course, my first reaction was to reply back and say thankyou but I was seeing someone else but now I'm wondering whether that's correct. Am I seeing someone else? I'm not even sure on that any more.

My gut reaction now is no. If she can't even say "I do want to continue seeing you" or not - if it requires a big multi day think at this stage, I'm thinking that she isn't really that keen on the idea.

I'm now re-thinking the whole thing. I've been in contact with the girl that messaged me today for many months. We've written long emails (multiple pages) just discussing things that interest us and she is really good at engaging in conversation. I actually arranged to meet her at an upcoming convention some time ago... She lives quite local, isn't planning to move and seems really keen to meet. We have loads of interests in common - even really obscure things that I never thought I'd meet someone that shared those interests.

Right now, I'm seriously reconsidering everything. It's not that I no longer like her - I still really like her, but the fact that she suddenly says she needs to really think about whether she wants to carry on when she moves... it says to me that this won't last. If it's that hard now... what will it be like when the reality of organising going over there and meeting sets in?

That's the other thing too - I'd said that I was prepared to fly out and meet her when she was out there... but I've never been told anything about what she would do. Would she do the same for me sometimes? Would she at least put me up at her place or would I have to find a hotel or something? In fact, she hasn't said what she'd do at all. Perhaps the plan is to let me do all the work and spend all of my money seeing her? That doesn't really appeal, unsurprisingly.

So I'm sitting here right now and thinking things over for myself. Do I say to her tomorrow that she really needs to give me some kind of answer and if she can't then say that going any further is just futile? Do I reply back to my friend and say let's meet on Saturday and see what happens (there's no guarantee she'll like me in person of course)?

I don't want to just give up on her but she isn't making this easy. It's hard enough knowing that in a few days she'll be a lot further away from me but to also now be wondering whether she even wants to try in the first place is just leaving me feeling confused and worn out with the whole thing.

Maybe I should just save myself the additional heartache and just call it a day, try meeting someone else and go back to square one.

Really confused right now.

- G

P.S. Sorry for the long post but I do feel a bit better getting this off my chest a bit.