Finally meet someone I like... and she's moving away! Advice please!

*max*

Phew...I think you are suffocating her, to be frank. When she told you she wasn't in the mood and was feeling depressed, you should have left her alone, not gone after her with several "what's wrong?" texts. Some people just need time to think and regroup.

Plus, she's moving away - the only thing you have mentionned about it is how it will be affecting YOU. Not her. She's probably frightened and nervous (massive upheaval!), but you only mention how you feel about her moving, how it will affect you and the future relationship you have formed in your head.

I really think you need to chill out about it a little, you are taking this way too seriously. She'll contact you when she wants to. You are putting way too much pressure on her at an already very stressful time - and you haven't even known her very long at all. Really, you sound like a lovely guy, but please...chill.

Tropez

She's feeling down about something. She's got a very stressful couple of weeks ahead of her with moving to a new country, sorting out moving her things, finding a place if she hasn't already, settle into a new job, likely leaving most (if not all) of her friends behind. She's got utility arrangements to make, banking arrangements to make, she's got to work out her finances etc. In fact, she's probably got a 25+ point checklist to be going through.

It really isn't that surprising that she hasn't yet given a great deal of thought to you at this point in time with all of this stuff going on in her life. It is a massive upheaval for her and she's probably very nervous and struggling to deal with everything that goes with moving.

I had been seeing my partner maybe two months before I moved into my house. I told her at the time that she'd have to bear with me while I dealt with all the crap. For several days either side I was physically and mentally exhausted (the day I finally moved, after getting the last box shoved in a corner, I threw up and went to sleep for 16 straight hours).

The truth is, if you do want this to work, you'll have to cut her some slack and accept that right now you are not her top priority, even if that seems unfair to you. If you proceed to hand her the ultimatum that you mention, you might as well accept the relationship is over before it began because not many people react well to such things - it comes across as threatening, even if that may not be how it is intended.

Although to be honest, if you're already seriously reconsidering this then you might as well end it. Long distance relationships are tough at the best of times and sometimes there will be a bit of "distance" in the way people in them communicate. If you're already struggling to deal with that then you could probably save yourself a lot of heartache in the long run.

ikkle87

Give the poor girl a chance. Maybe she's thinking 'oh god what have I done? I've met a great guy I really like and I'm moving, am I doing the right thing? Will we still work? How do I let him know I still want to see him loads without making it look like I'm a bunny boiler who wants to pickle parts of him so I can keep him close?'

Just stop thinking about yourself, stop over analysing, stop being pushy and just be the supportive, friendly person she likes. If you liked her that much you wouldn't be in such a rush for girl number two.

FBaby

I think you should get on with your life, meet the other person and wait until your fancy goes away. She is bound to have decided something then or still say nothing in which case the message is clear. Not long to wait now but good on you to not hold your breath.

lostinrates

Optimus, I am afraid I agree with those saying back off. Not because it's necessarily not going anywhere, but because your expectations of a very new relationship and someone already stretched in several directions are rather....selfish. I can understand why you feel a little depserate, but frankly, the behaviour you describe would be more than a little off putting to me.

podperson

OP, you seem like a nice guy, but you really need to chill out a little. The constant overanalysing of every single thing is not only going to cause problems in this relationship, but any others you have in the future.

As others have mentioned, she's in the process of moving. She will be stressed, worried, panicking whether she's doing the right thing, trying to do a million things at once - and on top of it all she has you pressing her for 'what is happening with our relationship'. She may actually need to think about it like she said - it's not a split second decision. She may be wondering now that it's actually sinking in that she is moving whether it's going to be practical to try and keep things going - when let's face it it is a very new relationship anyway. Long distance relationships require a lot of effort and commitment to keep them going - perhaps it's too early for her to feel that, and tbh if you're looking at meeting other girls then it's probably too early for you as well.

duchy

I'm afraid I agree.

Put yourself in her shoes-she is taking a massive step -is probably nervous about it and just busy with tying up the loose ends before she goes -packing, organizing,going to say good bye to family and friends etc. What she needs is a supportive boyfriend who gives her space to get on with things and isn't nagging at her the whole time "But what about me?"

Boyfriend although claiming he really likes her is still lining up other girls to meet too on line though. So perhaps he's not as committed as he claims.

Take a step back....let her move in peace -See her before she goes and maybe arrange to go over once she has settled in (NOT her first weekend there ) For that first visit -book a hotel (so there's no assumptions on either side)-spend the weekend together .....and THEN see where you both want to go from there.

If you keep pressuring her at this point there won't be the chance to see where this leads-give her some space.

londoner01

I may be repeating what other people have said, but I haven't had a chance to read through everything!

It's a stressful time for her, and she sounds like she sometimes needs to work hard at keeping her confidence up (from what you told us about how you met, too). So she may not know what she's feeling, just as much as you aren't. Even if you miss her, waiting for a week until you see her in person again is going to be fine, and be the nice thing to do for her too.

It's not that you have to "back off", but just perhaps consider she's not as clear with her feelings - and after all, if one day of no contact throws you off, maybe you're not that sure of your feelings either?
These things are always delicate in the beginning so give it time to grow! By the time she leaves you will know.

I would tell the other lady that you are open to meeting but are not sure whether this is the best timing, and that you'll get back to her? Or something like that. Not because it would be unfair on anyone but because I think your feelings are currently a bit ambiguous and to build up on several people delicate/uncertain feelings is normally a recipe for further complications ahead.

Try to sit on it for another week or two, by then you should know!

LannieDuck

She probably doesn't know "what the plan is" anymore than you do! You're at the very beginning of a relationship, and you're acting as if you've been dating for months. She's probably just at the stage of 'enjoying spending time with you', and would like to carry on doing that and seeing where it goes.

I suspect until the two of you have tried to meet up after she's moved away, neither of you will have a good impression of whether it's practical or not. Chill, give her time to move, then visit her and see how it goes. If it's easy, then you can probably carry on as before. If it's difficult then that's the time to have a deep and meaningful conversation about whether the relationship is worth continuing with.

As for the other girl, I think you should be honest and explain your situation. Ask whether the two of you can continue to stay in touch as friends, and perhaps revisit the idea of going on a date if/when your situation changes?

Fire_Fox

Stop overthinking and overanalysing everything!! She might be the centre of your world but you are not hers, not because she does not care but because her she is struggling with her depression AND her head will be jam packed with the enormity of the move.

Whenever someone says "I just want ..." it's usually a far bigger deal than just anything. Let the poor girl move and then decide where you go next, you don't need to know now this minute and she is not able to commit to anything now this minute because she has no idea what her new life will be like. You are going to destroy this with constantly thinking the worst and being too needy, support her through this massive change in her life and put your own feelings on hold.