Finally meet someone I like... and she's moving away! Advice please!

Seanymph

This isn't the mother of your child moving - it's someone you like and have had a couple of dates with.

You are walking so far outside the realms of what is reasonable I'm worried for anyone who is with you.

She asked for some space, and explained she was down. Why didn't you show her any respect for her? She has said she needs some time to think - why are your feelings so much more important than hers?

In a long term relationship you can go days or weeks knowing something is troubling your partner, and just have to keep the faith that when they have worked it through they will bring you into it. In the meantime you are supportive, and non-demanding and respect them enough to allow them to work it out in their time.

I speak frankly in my posts because I know that works for you - I'm not being harsh, just brash.

My teenage daughter has just, briefly, dated someone this needy - and it lasted less than two weeks.

He was totally incapable of allowing her any time for her own emotions, or her own needs - it was all about him and his desperate need to be reassured all the time. That doesn't work for women. (Not balanced ones anyway - in abusive relationships with a woman maybe).

She is being clear, open, and honest about where she is at and what she needs from you.

To wail 'what about me' back is very uncaring.

'I'm sorry you are down, how can I help you?' is fine 'I know all about that I have had that happen to me' Is taking over what she is going through and talking about yourself.

SHE is dealing with a lot - give the poor girl a chance to breathe. If you do then you will find that she may still want you in the picture when she's sorted. Keep pushing and demanding and talking about yourself and she won't.

As for the grass is greener girl? You'll have the same problems if you don't learn to be considerate.

OptimusNemesis

Thanks as always for the replies.

I just re-read my message and it does sound pretty stupid now. I've been in a bit of a bad place with some other things the last week or so (I may be made redundant along with some other stuff going on) and I was in a bad mood that day anyway thanks to asking a friend about an LDR he was in in which he reeled off a load of negative stuff and told me supposed warning signs to watch for that I was being played, etc. so I think (that stupidly) was going around in my head at the time too.

I do think perhaps some of the things I've said have been perhaps a bit over analysed too - I think some people on here have a bit of a funny impression of me now! lol

Anyway, I didn't meet that other girl - I just realised that I'd be constantly comparing her the whole time which wouldn't have been fair. So I just told her the truth - that I was seeing someone else right now but I'd love to just be friends and carry on chatting.

To cut a lot short (as quite a bit has happened since I last posted). I told her I was worried about her talk of being depressed and the fact she seemed down and that she could talk to me about it if she wanted to. We had a big chat through messages and email and the upshot is that we kind of discovered that we tend to both bottle things up and deal with them in the same way. So we've actually been helping eachother a bit with things that stress us out and sharing things that have been bothering us.

I spent Saturday with her and enjoyed it very much. A lot of very nice things happened - not going into detail but I've absolutely no doubt about how she feels about me now! :-) I've also decided that I'm going to stop describing things that have happened because I feel like I'm talking about her when I shouldn't be and also I feel a bit like I'm giving everyone a running commentary! lol I'm not sure I'd like that so I'm going to stop as it isn't fair on her.

As for her moving - I know how she feels on the subject and it's actually pretty similar to how I feel too. So it's a case of watch this space.

I do just want to ask one question - when she leaves on Saturday I want to give her a little present. Nothing silly or OTT - just something small from me that will go with her to her new house. The thing is - I can't think of what I could give her like that. Does anybody have any ideas? I thought maybe a teddy or something but would that be a bit lame?

- G

LannieDuck

That all sounds much more balanced and reasonable Nicely done.

Is there anything specific to her that you could get her? Not something that reminds her of you, but something that lets her know you're thinking of her. My first valentine with my OH I got him a little model of Emperor Zurg :P He loved it (and it's still sitting on the shelf)

Seanymph

How about a pair of matching toothbrushes - his and hers? (too forward?).

Anything she'll use every day? My ex bought me a quick boiling kettle - he said it was a 'present of time' because I was always so busy.

A mug? Does she drink tea or coffee? My current OH and I buy new mugs (one each) every year to take on holiday, then when we get back we have our tea in them when we sit together at the weekend.

A diary for her to write in?

A nice pen?

(can you see a practical theme here, I am not a fan of bears and the like).

Nice woolly socks - for lounging in.

A lovely blanket so she can wrap herself in you when you aren't there..

duchy

As you have similar interests how about something that fits the shared interest -eg if your interest was StarWars -an action figure or something ....or how about a Lonely Planet guide book to NI or if all else fails -have some flowers delivered to her new place

Artytarty

I have read this thread with interest ( I live in NI).
I hope it works out for you but if a guy gave me a bear I'd think he was a twit! Sorry!
A small personal gift, jewelery or something relating to somewhere you have been/ done, Teddy just lacks imagination and seems immature.
Good luck and I think its nice that you wont post any stuff about " happenings" .You do care.

System

Could you write her a letter/make a card?

When me and my bf started going out he wrote me a little note (on the back of a reciept!) and put it in a dvd to find. 6 months on i still have it and still re-read it, same with the card he got me for my birthday. Its sometimes nice to read things over. Personally i'd love a bear to cuddle, keep wanting my bf to get me one but for now i shall console myself with one of his t-shirts (but thats just me-i'm a bit weird).

Some of the more practical suggestions are good, maybe get her something that will be a home comfort thing as those are the things you miss when you move somewhere new. So glad things are going well for you best of luck with it

Fire_Fox

Sounds promising! :beer: If you are made redundant maybe it's an opportunity, I am a great believer in something good (however small) always coming out of something bad (however big).

Bears are lame unless you collect bears, flowers delivered to her new place would be lovely, they make most people feel happy especially if they are a favourite flower or favourite colour or masses of them.

A guide as suggested by Duchy might be nice, especially with a note saying you'd like to explore some of the places together. Music also has the power to improve mood, is there something that would remind her of you or make her realise you know her tastes? Or writing paper, a silly pen and stamps (if the same stamps ) or a postal order to buy stamps so you can send each other snail mail?

Or something quirky but practical like an umbrella ... but a themed one of something that she likes and will make her smile and think of you when it rains! So a rainbow or something geeky. You can get heart shaped umbrellas which are actually quite subtle if the colour is not pink or red - I think you can get everything from purple to bright green if that is her taste.

Artytarty

What ggod ideas you have^^^^!

foreign_correspondent

glad you've chilled a bit - as someone who has moved abroad, and back, I can tell you, it's an organisational nightmare.. with the cost of moving stuff, I expect she will be having to be very ruthless about what she takes, and the last thing she will want is more stuff to move, unpack etc... a lovely bunch of flowers delivered to her new address a day or two after she arrives would be a lovely surprise though, but preferably the sort that come delivered in a vase or vessel that retains water (my gran had some delivered once in a gift box, lined with a plastic bag that held the water) as she may well not have a vase at the ready!

I'd be delighted with that, a friend sent me the most beautiful big arrangment of flowers for my birthday last week, and it was such a nice thought it actually made me a bit teary!