Finally meet someone I like... and she's moving away! Advice please!

OptimusNemesis

Hi all,

After my previous couple of threads on here, I've actually met someone I like and (I think) might like me too.

I actually got chatting to her on a dating site. I never took it too seriously as she had really nice pics and a great profile. I just thought I must be one of hundreds of guys that are messaging her on there. I also suspected she'd flake at any moment so we just messaged eachother back and forth.

I think we really got chatting and getting to know eachother when she mentioned her work situation - she was really unhappy in her current job. Her situation sounded very similar to one I'd been in a couple of years ago so I just offered her advice and talked about it with her. She did get quite down a couple of times so I just told her how I'd been there and what I did to pull myself out of it. I won't tell you everything about it as I don't think it would be right and also it would be pages of info but she decided to hand her notice in at her current job and apply for a couple of other jobs.

She applied for one she loved the sound of in Northern Ireland - it really fitted in with what she had studied at uni (a lot better than the job she had at the time) but she was convinced she wouldn't get it. I told her to just go in and do her best - at least if she didn't get it, she'd know it wasn't because she could have tried harder. She went to the interview and sent me a text after saying how she was convinced she wouldn't get it as she'd found the questions they'd asked quite difficult. I told her she didn't know that - they were probably looking at how well she answered rather than whether the answer was what they wanted and I pointed out that others going for the job may not have answered as well.

A couple of weeks went by and she asked whether I'd like to meet. She told me that I was the only decent person she'd talked to on that dating site (which surprised me) and that she was going to disable her profile. I thought 'why not?' and we arranged to meet on a Saturday. Unfortunately I couldn't make it and had to cancel a couple of days before. Work had an emergency and I had to go in on the Saturday (I tried to get out of it but a lot of people needed me to be there). I told her and she sounded disappointed - I thought she probably wouldn't want to meet but she said she understood and thanked me for telling her as soon as I did. We rescheduled to a couple of weeks later.

Shortly after, it turned out I was right. She got the job! At which point she said she'd be moving to Northern Ireland but it would be a while. I didn't think much of it at this point as I still felt nothing would happen between us - I didn't think we'd even meet.

I sort of forgot about meeting until she texted me a few days before and asked whether we were still on for it. I texted her back and asked whether she really wanted to as she was moving. I told her I'd understand and wouldn't be offended. To tell the truth, I was thinking it was a bit pointless as what could happen when she went to Northern Ireland? I partly hoped she'd say let's not meet and I'd just spend the weekend doing some boring stuff around the house.

She said she'd still like to meet so I decided to just out with it and asked her what if we met and liked eachother. I told her she seemed like an awesome person that I could possibly really like. She replied and said it would be Sod's Law but that we'd have holidays and things when we could meet (I must admit that, in retrospect I'm not sure what exactly she meant by that). I still didn't take it too seriously - she was moving, I expected we'd meet and she'd say she wanted to be friends after the first meet. She seemed like someone I could like but I told myself that it was a bit of a long shot and I'd just take it as a day out and meet someone interesting.

Well, we met on the Saturday and had a really good time. We got on really well. We hit it off pretty quick, there was no difficulty in things to say and we enjoyed eachother's company. We made lots of eye contact (she has lovely green eyes!) and we spent a lot of time close to eachother. I even walked off a couple of times when we were looking around in a couple of shops and I noticed that she didn't seem to want to be too far away for too long. I suddenly had a really good feeling about it. I noticed we also started saying similar things at the same time and we also had a light saber fight outside one place while we sat on the grass (with mobile apps, if you're wondering). We were just joking and being silly with eachother but I felt like we really connected.

Anyway, it got to the end of the day (after about 5 and a half hours) and we both said the time had gone so fast. I'd found out she was going to a convention I'm going to in October so I shrugged and said that I guessed I'd see her at that. At which point she said "no, let's meet before then - I've got free weekends between now and then". I was a bit surprised but really happy that she clearly wanted to meet again. I said ok and she hugged me and said bye for now.

I really didn't expect things to go like that. I didn't expect to like her the way I do. I didn't expect to get such a good response back off of her... it made me think things over on the train on the way home and we have got on really well since we started chatting.

We've been texting since and I feel like I really do like her and that I've found someone really unique and that I click with.

So - thanks to the aforementioned law of sod - she's texted me this morning and said she now has the start date for her new job. It's at the end of October. We're meeting again this Saturday but its dawned on me that this is probably all futile.

I still really like her so I guess my question is... should I tell her how I feel? Is it too soon after meeting once to say that I feel so sad that she's going and that I like her. I wouldn't expect her to change her mind and stay as I know what that new job means to her... but I don't want it to just end never knowing exactly how she feels.

Should I wait until Saturday and tell her or should I say now before we meet again to see whether it is all a bit pointless now?

I do feel really confused about it right now.

- G

Pee

Do you see any future in your moving to Northern Ireland? How far would she be away from you, in terms of time? Would you be able to leave work on a Friday and get to hers for about 10 or 11pm? Do you envisage that this job would be for a couple of years for her, or does she have any connectins with the area she is moving to?

How old are you and how many times have you been in love before? (It sounds like you could be 30, with some experience of life but not much of love. I'm just reading between the lines there and might be miles out. If you are 30 or older and have felt like this once before or not at all then I think you need to consider this seriously. If you are 19 and have felt this way twice before I would say don't put yourself through it.)

If you could visit weekends or meet in the middle and you both have enough money for this to be realistic, then a couple of years as a long distance relationship might work. Either of you may be more comfortable with that sort of relationship.

whitewing

I see absolutely no reason why you can't have a light and friendly ongoing relationship, that could get a bit more serious in the long term.

balletshoes

I'd meet her again.

She's not moving away for another month, you really like her. If you really like her, meet her and tell her. Also tell her you would never expect her to change her moving away plans, so she doesn't feel any pressure to stay where she is. You could end up being really good friends, if nothing else.

I think, if I didn't meet her again at least once and tell her that I like her, then I'd regret it. I'd feel like I was knocking something on the head just in case it didn't go anywhere. You won't know where it could go if you don't see her again.

Tropez

Life's too short to wonder "what if".

Northern Ireland isn't that far away. Depending on where you live, it can be relatively cheap to get to. You can arrange to see her once she's got settled into her new job. Keep things easy going for now and don't try and crowd her with your feelings, just allow things to take their course.

londonsurrey

Depends on your priorities.

If you simply wouldn't bother going out with someone unless it leads to a physical or long term relationship (different people have different priorities), then don't go out with her.

If you would like to go out with her, and are prepared for the relationship to maybe only remain that of very good friends, then don't throw this away.

It sounds as though she's prepared to see where it all goes, the question is are you? Can you be bothered?

Tupperware_Queen

I am in a relationship with a fella who lives a long way away. We see each other 2 or 3 times a month, for between 1 and 3 days, depending on our work patterns etc. Sometimes he comes here, others I go there. We have been together for just over a year, we started off as friends, and it has built up to a very close relationship. I am closer to him than I was to my husband of nearly 20 years.

If its meant to be, then distance will not be an object. Go for it, and see where life takes you, and anyway, remember better to have loved and lost...etc...etc

Good luck!

lostinrates

My husband and i lived between milan (him) and uk (me) for a while. My sil is in ireland, her bf somewhere in mainland europe, my fil divded his time between london and his new partner in america for awhile (they are now mareied). My parents spent periods of up to six months separate and not seeing each other on a few occasions during their marriage.

Long distance has some merits, do not rule it out. NI is hardly the other side of the world...and i lnow of people who sustain relatioonships over that distance too.

How good are travel connections? Would you be prepared to travel monthly or fornightly, to see her for weekends? She might be prepared to consider jobs near you in the future, or you near her?

Tell her you are interested, but that you don't expect her to change her plans, and that if she is interested too you can work on areangements for the now, and see if there is need to rearrange for the future. If she is not interested it saves a lot of heartache and wondering....

PoorCharleyBear

go for it.
if you don't there will be regrets.
if it pans out to be nothing more than a friendship, then so be it.

BUT if it turns out to be THE relationship, well.........


(and you can have some nice weekends in NI- it is hugely underrated as a destination)

Seanymph

No wonder you were single - you aren't very good at 'chase me chase me' are you!

She likes you - she has asked you several times - you need now to ask her, oh you have made me smile. You need a big sister.

She may move? So what? It's logistics.

When OH and I got together we were in different counties and had five kids between us all settled at schools - so, it moved slower than it may have done if we were neighbours, but heck, if you want it go for it - you can work anything out if you try. Honestly.

I think you should definitely pursue it, you wanted a nice girl and the universe has seen fit to send you one - grab her!

time2deal

OptimusNemesis wrote: »

...I actually got chatting to her on a dating site. I never took it too seriously as she had really nice pics and a great profile. I just thought I must be one of hundreds of guys that are messaging her on there. I also suspected she'd flake at any moment so we just messaged eachother back and forth.

...A couple of weeks went by and she asked whether I'd like to meet. She told me that I was the only decent person she'd talked to on that dating site (which surprised me) and that she was going to disable her profile. I thought 'why not?' and we arranged to meet on a Saturday. Unfortunately I couldn't make it and had to cancel a couple of days before. Work had an emergency and I had to go in on the Saturday (I tried to get out of it but a lot of people needed me to be there). I told her and she sounded disappointed - I thought she probably wouldn't want to meet but she said she understood and thanked me for telling her as soon as I did. We rescheduled to a couple of weeks later.

Shortly after, it turned out I was right. She got the job! At which point she said she'd be moving to Northern Ireland but it would be a while. I didn't think much of it at this point as I still felt nothing would happen between us - I didn't think we'd even meet.

I sort of forgot about meeting until she texted me a few days before and asked whether we were still on for it. I texted her back and asked whether she really wanted to as she was moving. I told her I'd understand and wouldn't be offended. To tell the truth, I was thinking it was a bit pointless as what could happen when she went to Northern Ireland? I partly hoped she'd say let's not meet and I'd just spend the weekend doing some boring stuff around the house.

She said she'd still like to meet so I decided to just out with it and asked her what if we met and liked eachother. I told her she seemed like an awesome person that I could possibly really like. She replied and said it would be Sod's Law but that we'd have holidays and things when we could meet (I must admit that, in retrospect I'm not sure what exactly she meant by that). I still didn't take it too seriously - she was moving, I expected we'd meet and she'd say she wanted to be friends after the first meet. She seemed like someone I could like but I told myself that it was a bit of a long shot and I'd just take it as a day out and meet someone interesting.

....
Anyway, it got to the end of the day (after about 5 and a half hours) and we both said the time had gone so fast. I'd found out she was going to a convention I'm going to in October so I shrugged and said that I guessed I'd see her at that. At which point she said "no, let's meet before then - I've got free weekends between now and then". I was a bit surprised but really happy that she clearly wanted to meet again. I said ok and she hugged me and said bye for now.
...
Should I wait until Saturday and tell her or should I say now before we meet again to see whether it is all a bit pointless now?

I do feel really confused about it right now.

- G

I have read a few of your threads before, but not commented. You seem a decent enough bloke, but seriously I would have given up long before if all I got was these endless 'go away' signals from you!!

Forget about the fact that it may not end up in marriage and fairytales, and stop hiding behind any excuse you can find! If you like her, make her realize you like her ('I shrugged'... sigh). My husband and I met online and just after we met I spent every week (and more) traveling non-stop for work for about a year.

Forget about her location, and decide if you want to make a go of this. If so, stop messing around and cancelling dates, or trying to get her to cancel dates so you can say 'Oh well, nothing works out for me'! Work with the hand you have been played, not some imaginary perfect one that will never come along.

Wow, that sounded a lot harsher than I meant! I just mean have some confidence, go for what you want, and stop looking for excuses. :j