Finally meet someone I like... and she's moving away! Advice please!

suki1001

If you really like her don't let distance stop you. I couldn't believe it when I flew to Belfast from Leeds Bradford and I was there is 45 minutes! I think the flights were from £39. Ireland's a great place too.

If she lived elsewhere in the UK, it would take you a lot longer and would probably be more expensive to get there.

rpc

OptimusNemesis wrote: »

Should I wait until Saturday and tell her or should I say now before we meet again to see whether it is all a bit pointless now?

Do it, do it now.

You do not want to spend the rest of your life wondering "what if". If you try and it fails, at least you know. If you try and it succeeds then great.

If you keep fumbling around and making excuses, she may decide that you are not really into her and give up on you. She has told you she is keen. It's your turn.

krlyr

Can I quote your own advice back at you? Just swap her/she for him/his/he!

OptimusNemesis wrote: »

I told her to just go in and do her best - at least if she didn't get it, she'd know it wasn't because she could have tried harder.

Fire_Fox

I've had two long distance relationships, one where we lived far apart when we met - married for seven years - one where I moved away and he followed - lived together for a couple of years. Agree with Time2deal about the 'go away' signals.

marisco_2

How do you really feel about her? I cant work it out from your post. Most of the way through I got the impression that you felt pessimistic about a relationship and could take it or leave it. Then you ask if you should tell her how you feel.

Maybe you are just very cautious in relationships and have come to expect the worse and to be let down. From what you advise she seems keen to know you but the signals you are sending her may not be what you intend.

If I were you I would go with the flow a bit and see where things naturally lead. Northern Ireland isn't that far away. You could travel over there at weekends, or she could visit you. Get to know her really well and then see how you feel. Laying all your cards on the table this early on may put her off.

FatVonD

I think you need to carry on seeing each other (Belfast is a great city!) and visit every fortnight/month/whatever you can afford, wait until the partings become unbearable and then (and not before) suggest you moving over.

OptimusNemesis

Thanks for the replies - I've decided I'm going to see how things go on Saturday and, if I still feel the same way then, I'm going to tell her and see.

I think the whole thing has taken me by surprise a bit. I met expecting to just make a friend and I admit that pretty much right up until meeting, I've been a bit cynical. I'm glad I have met her now so I guess that has been the universe's way of telling me not to be such a plonker! ;-)

You're right about the distance. I hadn't thought of it that way - I've never done an LDR really before so I guess, if things work out, I shouldn't dismiss it so quickly.

- G

fluffnutter

Don't look so far ahead - it puts too much pressure on everything. If you like someone, arrange another date. If that goes well, arrange a third one. Don't worry beyond that next date. There is a time for assessing the future, you're not there at the moment.

an9i77

I did a long distance relationship a few years ago (Sheffield to Brighton) and it wasn't worth the effort. I found the weeks inbetween were too long and it was too much effort for too little gain -things petered out after a couple of months.

Having said never again I met a guy from London (I was living in Manchester by then) and we did end up seeing each other every weekend, and it worked and we're now living together with a child.

It was a bit different the second time because quite early on (2nd date!) we said we wanted to be together and one of us would move - so that was always on the cards - he moved up north about four months later. however with guy number one although I'd have been willing to move if things had worked out we never got to the point of making that commitment.
Also London was a lot easier to get to, only 2 hours on the train from Manchester plus a couple of tube stops at the other end, so it was a lot more feasible than going Sheffield Brighton which was 5 hours.it was quite expensive at £70 off peak return per weekend but that was only £140 per month which was a lot but not insurmountable in the pursuit of true love for a few months.

My advice is - it's a gamble. Unless things get pretty serious pretty early on, and one of you is willing to move, I wouldn't do it. but then I tend to get very deep into the relationship and miss the other person when they are not there. If you can handle not seeing them for a few weeks at a time, then it may be ok for you.

barbarawright

Worst case scenario - you'll have a friend in Northern Ireland you can visit twice a year and chat to on Facebook. Nowt wrong with that surely?