Just found out my son is experimenting with other boys

Cat501

FunWithFlags wrote: »

I am not picky just because my opinion does not match yours or because I think you are being ridiculous and overreacting. Re punching the air, and leaping around with happiness, what parent would do this if their child announced they were straight? It doesn't make any sense to apply this to a child announcing they were gay either in the way you are implying.

I think you need to have a closer look at why it has shocked you so much that it seems to be a struggle to "cope with it" on your own. What is there to cope with? I'm glad you have found support here but it boggles my mind that you even need it with this to be honest.

I agree, sorry OP but I can't get my head round it either. I can understand it may have been a surprise, I can understand apprehension about any prejudice he may face in future, but I can't understand shock, having to "cope", not sleeping or eating, etc etc.

I'm also a little confused at why you only seem to envisage two outcomes to this - either he comes out as gay, or it's an experimental phase and he is actually straight. There's every possibility he could be bisexual.

As others have said, the days when gay people had to isolate themselves are gone. Tonight I'm going to a 20th birthday night out (I'll outlast them all mwahaha!). There will be straight, gay, lesbian, bisexual people there. At least one pre-op transsexual. But their sexuality/gender has nothing to do with it - these people gravitate towards each other because they have shared ideals and interests, shared humour and music tastes, because they LIKE each other as human beings. To say their sexuality is incidental would be affording it too much importance.

meer53

OP, what most people here are finding hard to understand is why you feel it's such a big deal. Not sleeping, not eating, it's a huge overreaction IMO.

Your son sounds like any normal 18 year old to be honest. Whether he's gay or not, you say it won't matter, but your posts say otherwise. If it doesn't matter why is it such a problem for you ? It's your sons life, not yours.

Let your son get on with his life, he's an adult, not a little boy, you need to let him go to fight his own battles, you can't fight them for him, much as you seem to want to.

You sound very insecure and needy, everyone wants to protect their family, sometimes the best way to do this is to let them find their own way. Your children will see your relationship with your OH and may decide that they don't want the sort of relationship you have. You may think it's perfect, they might not. I know my 25 year old son has very strong views on what type of relationship he would like, he bases this on how his father treated me. I thought my marriage was perfect until my husband left me for someone else after 24 years together.

Forget what you read, it really is nothing to worry about. Move on.

ViolaLass

Person_one wrote: »

People assume that everyone is straight unless they are told differently or it becomes really obvious.

You might, I don't. Maybe it's an age thing (I'm in my 20s).

meer53

ViolaLass wrote: »

You might, I don't. Maybe it's an age thing (I'm in my 20s).

I'm with you, and i'm 55 !

ViolaLass

meer53 wrote: »

I'm with you, and i'm 55 !

I take the age suggestion back then. Perhaps it's linked to life experiences.

I find mostly I don't assume either way and I don't care. I only ever cared if I fancied someone (because who wants to waste their time and get their hopes up coming on to someone who isn't even interested in your gender?).

I think sexuality is beginning to be recognised as less an either/or and more of a continuum.

FunWithFlags

meer53 wrote: »

I'm with you, and i'm 55 !

You both put it way better than my giant ramble lol. I'm with you both on this too.

jetplane

I'm in the half a century age range and I don't assume people are straight. TBH a persons sexuality is not something I think about.

meer53

ViolaLass wrote: »

I take the age suggestion back then. Perhaps it's linked to life experiences.

I find mostly I don't assume either way and I don't care. I only ever cared if I fancied someone (because who wants to waste their time and get their hopes up coming on to someone who isn't even interested in your gender?).

I think sexuality is beginning to be recognised as less an either/or and more of a continuum.

I think it definately is life experience. Mind you having a 25 and a 12 year old help me to not feel my age sometimes !

But i do know people my age who are planning their retirement and their travels in their campervans ! :eek:

Sexuality is part of life, it's not as if being gay is anything new is it ?

fatou256

Troubled_mum wrote: »

We will not disapprove, it is not like I think he is doing it to hack us off, our love is unconditional. Nobody would choose a difficult life for their kids but all the same it has been a massive shock. I think the worse thing for me is that I cannot discuss it with my husband as he is currently out in a war zone.

being gay does not mean that he will have a difficult life, far from it !

jetplane

meer53 wrote: »

I
But i do know people my age who are planning their retirement and their travels in their campervans ! :eek:

Oh I wish no really I do, I would love to draw my pension and go off in a campervan and I'm not even an old hippy :rotfl: