Just found out my son is experimenting with other boys

[Deleted User]

I have just found out that my son is having drunken fumbles (and possibly a bit more) with other boys. He is 18 years old and I would never have thought this of him. It appears that he developed strong feelings for one of his best friends and acted on them at a party when he was quite drunk. Since then he has got off with other lads but it has mainly been kissing and some fondling, although with one lad it was more than that [text removed by MSE Forum Team].

I am absolutely devastated, his friend who he did [text removed by MSE Forum Team] with asked him if he was gay or bi or what. He replied I don't know, possibly bi. It appears that in the last six months he has got off with about 5 lads all when very drunk but equally there has been a lot of heavy petting with girls.

The way I feel at the moment is sick to the stomach, I feel like I did last year when I got a recall on a Friday for a mammogram and had to wait until Monday for the appointment. I don't know why I feel like this, possibly because I am having to keep it to myself, my husband is away and it is not something I can discuss on the phone. I also wonder whether it is just a phase he is going through. He goes to an all boys school and has only in the last couple of years had girls in his life through clubs and college.

If it is a phase is it fair to tell my husband he will be devastated but only because life is already tuff and this would just make it even harder.

I cannot talk to my son because he does not know I know, we had a conversation last night where he said that there weren't many gays at his school just one that they guessed about in year 7 but the lad did not realise it himself until year 10.

Sorry long post but I am so upset, one minute I think I will tell my husband when he is home as I never keep anything from him but on the other I don't want to put him through this if it is just a phase.

Bluemeanie_2

I do not have kids so I cannot truly empathise.
The diverse free thinking person in me says "so what? It's not relevant" then the other side of me, in a way can understand it maybe a huge shock etc.

However, if your son is happy, healthy, never bought the Police to your door etc I wouldn't worry too much.

vixarooni

Not sure what the problem is here? If he's gay he is still your son and there is no problem, and if its a phase he is still your son! He's 18, i experimented at that age and found my path (thankfully my mother wasn't stuck in the dark ages!!)

TiaBaby

I don't understand what there is to worry about..........no really!!!

What are you worried about and why do you feel sick about it?

NewKittenHelp

Troubled_mum wrote: »

I have just found out that my son is having drunken fumbles (and possibly a bit more) with other boys. He is 18 years old and I would never have thought this of him. It appears that he developed strong feelings for one of his best friends and acted on them at a party when he was quite drunk. Since then he has got off with other lads but it has mainly been kissing and some fondling, although with one lad it was more than that (oral).

I am absolutely devastated, his friend who he did the oral with asked him if he was gay or bi or what. He replied I don't know, possibly bi. It appears that in the last six months he has got off with about 5 lads all when very drunk but equally there has been a lot of heavy petting with girls.

The way I feel at the moment is sick to the stomach, I feel like I did last year when I got a recall on a Friday for a mammogram and had to wait until Monday for the appointment. I don't know why I feel like this, possibly because I am having to keep it to myself, my husband is away and it is not something I can discuss on the phone. I also wonder whether it is just a phase he is going through. He goes to an all boys school and has only in the last couple of years had girls in his life through clubs and college.

If it is a phase is it fair to tell my husband he will be devastated but only because life is already tuff and this would just make it even harder.

I cannot talk to my son because he does not know I know, we had a conversation last night where he said that there weren't many gays at his school just one that they guessed about in year 7 but the lad did not realise it himself until year 10.

Sorry long post but I am so upset, one minute I think I will tell my husband when he is home as I never keep anything from him but on the other I don't want to put him through this if it is just a phase.

Your son's an adult - this is none of your business. It's certainly not yours to tell, especially when you're so homophobic.

I mean really, likening the possibility of your son being gay to possibly having cancer - get a grip.

Own_My_Own

With the attitude you seem to have maybe its just as well you haven't spoken to him.

My 19 year old son has ASD and I would love for him to have any kind of relationship.

pawsies

It's a shame you don't feel able to talk to your son about it.

He will need your support more than anything over it and is probably scared of telling you, as he knows what your reaction would be.

There are quite a few rumours that go around boys schools and how as there are no girls, the boys have to satisfy each other- are you sure it's not a rumour?

lika_86

Person_one wrote: »

Nope.

I seriously hope my mum didn't know this much detail about my sex life when I was 18!

I hope my mum doesn't know that much now and I'm in my twenties and living with someone. I like to think she thinks I'm still pure as snow!

SunnyCyprus

For goodness sake.
Troubled Mum, you need to build a bridge... AND GET OVER IT.

This MAN is your son, and it sounds like he's finding his path in life. Now do the decent thing and hold a hand out to him and help him walk it.

peachyprice

Are you upset because you think he's forcing himself upon these other boys to perform against their will?

If it's just that he might be gay, well, it's not really any of your business is it. Would you rather he supressed his true feelings because of a neurotic mother?

Poppie68

He's still your son, i truly hope your feelings are not apparent to him he needs to know that above all he can relay on his parents for support. It's not the end of the world, he's still the boy you gave birth too and raised and as you haven't mentioned, drugs, mass murder and armed bank robberies he sounds like someone you can be proud of.
Im in terested to know how you seem to know so many details though.