Just found out my son is experimenting with other boys

Fire_Fox

Troubled_mum wrote: »

We will not disapprove, it is not like I think he is doing it to hack us off, our love is unconditional. Nobody would choose a difficult life for their kids but all the same it has been a massive shock. I think the worse thing for me is that I cannot discuss it with my husband as he is currently out in a war zone.

You cannot discuss your 18 year old ADULT son's private business with your husband anyway. You already invaded your son's privacy once, telling your husband would be a gross invasion of privacy. Your son will tell his father IF and WHEN he is ready to.

1940sGal

Troubled_mum wrote: »

Firstly I am not homophobic, I am upset because it was such a shock. I am also upset because I know his father will be devastated. Mainly because as I said it is a tough world out there and this could make it tougher. This will make no difference to how I feel about him or how his father feels about him, we love him very much.

I really do fail to see why it's so upsetting and why his father would be devastated. Sure, a surprise, but you learn to accept it and carry on because really, if he is gay, it's no big deal.

As for it 'being tough out there and this making things tougher', this is 2012, not 1950.

nickyhutch

NewKittenHelp wrote: »

I mean really, likening the possibility of your son being gay to possibly having cancer - get a grip.

My thoughts exactly. Hardly comparable, are they?

[Deleted User]

newbutold wrote: »

I am guessing your in shock. I am also guessing you don't know many gay people.....what has fastidious about showering got to do with being gay? Neither are all gays camp.

I would say the most important thing at the minute is ensuring your son is being safe, especially if he is being sexually active whether it's with a guy or a girl.

I personally would not care if my son grew up to be gay as long as he was happy. However deep down part of me hopes he doesn't as I would not want him to face the prejudice that a lot of gay people face. For a lot of people being gay is a constant fight even in today’s society and I don’t want them to have to go through that.

However my children are still young, so if they are gay (incidentally I believe your born one way or the other) hopefully by the time they are old enough to be having relationships, the world is a more accepting place.

Thank you, you have said exactly what I was trying to say badly. I too also think that the world is a more accepting place but prejudice is still out there. I don't care if my son ends up with a man or a woman as long as he is happy but at the moment I don't think he is. He has a lot of pressure at the moment with A levels and Uni coming up.

I do know quite a few gay people and love them dearly, the only point I was making about the showering is that he hasn't ever exhibited any gay tendancies.

DanE2010

Ok the fact the title of your thread says "my son is experimenting with other boys" when he is infact an 18 year old man tells me that you need to let go and accept your lickle boy is an adult now! He's a grown up and his sex life doesnt concern you! When I read the title I thought I was gonna read about someone underage!

If he is gay, if he's not, whatever! He is your son, still the same person, stop trying to define people by their sexual preferences.

Swan_2

Own_My_Own wrote: »

With the attitude you seem to have maybe its just as well you haven't spoken to him.

My 19 year old son has ASD and I would love for him to have any kind of relationship.

I have a big strong handsome ASD 25 year old & know exactly how you feel

somethingcorporate

What do you mean by "gay tendancies"?

[Deleted User]

esmy wrote: »

Don't believe everything you read on facebook.
My Dds often change each others status' for a laugh - this has included both of them being gay at various times, in prison etc etc.
Do you plan to talk to your son about what you've read?

No, because what I did was very wrong and a complete breach of his privacy but I am paying for it now!

He will share this when and if he is ever ready but I will ensure that whatever course he takes in life we will be there for him.

Person_one

stclair wrote: »

Gays know to drink I can tell you that... A gay fridge normally consists of vodka :-)

Fridges can be gay? You learn something every day...

lessonlearned

Troubled_mum wrote: »

Thank you for your answer. I will just have to bide my time, I guess he will tell me eventually.

Don't bide your time for too long - it will only get more difficult.

Just pick a moment when things are quiet and you and your son can be alone - perhaps take him away from the house if necessary - find some neutral territory.

Like others have said - the sexual orientation is of no real importance - what is more worrying is the excessive drinking and promiscuity, both of which make your son more vulnerable.

I suggest that in your discussions with your son you steer clear of any references to morals (unless he wants to discuss this) and that you offer no judgements. Just concentrate on his safety ie the risk of making overtures to the wrong man and being beaten up and or raped or the increased risk of STD's from casual encounters.