Just found out my son is experimenting with other boys

newbutold

I am guessing your in shock. I am also guessing you don't know many gay people.....what has fastidious about showering got to do with being gay? Neither are all gays camp.

I would say the most important thing at the minute is ensuring your son is being safe, especially if he is being sexually active whether it's with a guy or a girl.

I personally would not care if my son grew up to be gay as long as he was happy. However deep down part of me hopes he doesn't as I would not want him to face the prejudice that a lot of gay people face. For a lot of people being gay is a constant fight even in today’s society and I don’t want them to have to go through that.

However my children are still young, so if they are gay (incidentally I believe your born one way or the other) hopefully by the time they are old enough to be having relationships, the world is a more accepting place.

stclair

This still makes me laugh:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ifUQq5p5i2g

Fire_Fox

Troubled_mum wrote: »

I have just found out that my son is having drunken fumbles (and possibly a bit more) with other boys. He is 18 years old and I would never have thought this of him. It appears that he developed strong feelings for one of his best friends and acted on them at a party when he was quite drunk. Since then he has got off with other lads but it has mainly been kissing and some fondling, although with one lad it was more than that (oral).

I am absolutely devastated, his friend who he did the oral with asked him if he was gay or bi or what. He replied I don't know, possibly bi. It appears that in the last six months he has got off with about 5 lads all when very drunk but equally there has been a lot of heavy petting with girls.

The way I feel at the moment is sick to the stomach, I feel like I did last year when I got a recall on a Friday for a mammogram and had to wait until Monday for the appointment. I don't know why I feel like this, possibly because I am having to keep it to myself, my husband is away and it is not something I can discuss on the phone. I also wonder whether it is just a phase he is going through. He goes to an all boys school and has only in the last couple of years had girls in his life through clubs and college.

If it is a phase is it fair to tell my husband he will be devastated but only because life is already tuff and this would just make it even harder.

I cannot talk to my son because he does not know I know, we had a conversation last night where he said that there weren't many gays at his school just one that they guessed about in year 7 but the lad did not realise it himself until year 10.

Sorry long post but I am so upset, one minute I think I will tell my husband when he is home as I never keep anything from him but on the other I don't want to put him through this if it is just a phase.

Troubled_mum wrote: »

Firstly I am not homophobic, I am upset because it was such a shock. I am also upset because I know his father will be devastated. Mainly because as I said it is a tough world out there and this could make it tougher. This will make no difference to how I feel about him or how his father feels about him, we love him very much.

There is nothing about him to suggest he is gay apart from him being fastidious about showering etc and my understanding was he was getting off with lots of girls (which he has).

I can't discuss it with him because I looked on his Facebook when he left it open and I know it was reprehensible and it has certainly come back to bite me on the bum. This may well be just a phase and if not he will tell me in his own good time. He knows we are not homophobic and have several friends who are gay.

I came on here with a new name because I post quite a lot and my kids no my user name. I really did not expect to be attacked. Just put yourself in my shoes for a minute, I have not eaten for two days and cannot sleep. Whichever way he decides to go will be fine with me, I just want him to be happy that is all but the initial shock was big.

Huge drama queen, homophobic, totally overreacting or trolling. Why are you so shocked and devastated when you have gay friends? I bet they'd love to hear how you felt sick, couldn't eat or sleep when you found out your son had been dabbling. :eek:

gibson123

The OP has had a shock, she doesn't know how to react, once the shock wears off she will perhaps be able to articulate her feelings better and rationalise her emotions.

Ask yourself if you have ever wanted to burst out laughing at a funeral, every felt uncomfortable in a room full of strangers, felt panicky because someone walking towards you is wearing a hoody, all irrational and emotional and probably terribly inappropriate but normal reactions until we get over ourselves.

A little kindness and understanding goes a long way.

[Deleted User]

foreign_correspondent wrote: »

please think about the fact that if you are worried about your husbands reaction, that your son will be far more worried... I have worked with gay teenagers, and their parents opinion of them is one of the biggest worries they have...

Society is far more accepting now than it was even twenty years ago - but gay young people find their parents generations opinions a real worry - they do not want their mum and dad to dissaprove of who they are, and I bet he is terrified, worried sick that he will lose your approval and your love.. do not prove these fears right.

We will not disapprove, it is not like I think he is doing it to hack us off, our love is unconditional. Nobody would choose a difficult life for their kids but all the same it has been a massive shock. I think the worse thing for me is that I cannot discuss it with my husband as he is currently out in a war zone.

esmy

Don't believe everything you read on facebook.
My Dds often change each others status' for a laugh - this has included both of them being gay at various times, in prison etc etc.
Do you plan to talk to your son about what you've read?

[Deleted User]

NewKittenHelp wrote: »

Really? I've seen (hell I've posted!) worse.

No, I have already admitted that I was snooping but I was worried about him, he is drinking a lot and I just wanted to try and find out what was going on in his life.

stclair

Troubled_mum wrote: »

No, I have already admitted that I was snooping but I was worried about him, he is drinking a lot and I just wanted to try and find out what was going on in his life.

Gays know to drink I can tell you that... A gay fridge normally consists of vodka :-)

faerie~spangles

londonsurrey wrote: »

I'd be very very concerned that he's being promiscuous with multiple partners, not the gender of his partners.

^^^^ This.^^^^

Also I do know that many young gay men are very worried about telling their parents.

Which in this day and age I don't understand. It is not as though kids announce that they're heterosexual.


I have a gay couple living next door and they are the most normal pair of guys you could meet - well apart from their penchant for housework.

Bitsy_Beans

Troubled_mum wrote: »

We will not disapprove, it is not like I think he is doing it to hack us off, our love is unconditional. Nobody would choose a difficult life for their kids but all the same it has been a massive shock. I think the worse thing for me is that I cannot discuss it with my husband as he is currently out in a war zone.

Life can be difficult for lots of different reasons, straight people don't necessarily have it any easier.

I have to say what your posting as highlighted by Firefox is giving me the impression that actually you do disapprove. Lets be honest if you'd found out he was experimenting just with girls would you have even started a thread?

I do wonder if you're more worried about your husbands reaction