Just found out my son is experimenting with other boys

duchy

Swan wrote: »

I have a big strong handsome ASD 25 year old & know exactly how you feel

And me (he's 21) and my next door neighbour said the same to me about HER son last week. Maybe we need our own thread !!

duchy

Seems to me the OP is been groomed by her son for a revelation !

Drops hints, leaves facebook open -all whilst Dad is away.

OP if you're not yet ready to deal with him revealing something like he's gay (and all this business about how shocked you are, can't sleep yadda yadda indicates this may be the case)............ Why don't you have a chat with one of your gay friends for a bit of perspective and advice ?

geekgirl

Troubled_mum wrote: »

Firstly I am not homophobic, I am upset because it was such a shock. I am also upset because I know his father will be devastated. Mainly because as I said it is a tough world out there and this could make it tougher. This will make no difference to how I feel about him or how his father feels about him, we love him very much.

There is nothing about him to suggest he is gay apart from him being fastidious about showering etc and my understanding was he was getting off with lots of girls (which he has).

I can't discuss it with him because I looked on his Facebook when he left it open and I know it was reprehensible and it has certainly come back to bite me on the bum. This may well be just a phase and if not he will tell me in his own good time. He knows we are not homophobic and have several friends who are gay.

I came on here with a new name because I post quite a lot and my kids no my user name. I really did not expect to be attacked. Just put yourself in my shoes for a minute, I have not eaten for two days and cannot sleep. Whichever way he decides to go will be fine with me, I just want him to be happy that is all but the initial shock was big.

I am in your shoes, my son is gay.
Our reaction was that no matter what, we love him, and in fact what he does in bed with whomever is no more our business than what our other two children do in bed with their wives and husbands. End of.

[Deleted User]

geekgirl wrote: »

I am in your shoes, my son is gay.
Our reaction was that no matter what, we love him, and in fact what he does in bed with whomever is no more our business than what our other two children do in bed with their wives and husbands. End of.

That is also my thoughts, it's just at the moment it has come as a massive shock, I had no idea whatsoever and it is the shock that I am struggling with. I will always love him no matter what, if he is gay we will support him (if he needs it) in any way we can.

GracieP

Troubled_mum wrote: »

That is also my thoughts, it's just at the moment it has come as a massive shock, I had no idea whatsoever and it is the shock that I am struggling with. I will always love him no matter what, if he is gay we will support him (if he needs it) in any way we can.

Have you thought about getting in contact with any of the organisations that have been recommended, like PFLAG. They are groups for parents of homosexuals and can provide some support and advice to you. While not everyone will have reacted with the kind of shock you have to finding out the child is (maybe) gay, some will have and you are bound to find someone you can relate to who will be able to advise you kindly.

[Deleted User]

I have been looking at some other forums and one mother has managed to describe how I feel. this is just part of a much longer post .

He was 14, and he'd told everyone at school and had had no negative reaction. DH and I said all the right things "It makes no difference.." "We still love you..." blah blah blah, but inside I felt so sad. Not for the perceived loss of grandchildren, but just because I thought/think that his life will be harder than it otherwise would have been.

I feel sad when I see his peers holding hands with their girlfriends, knowing that even in this day and age, it's not safe for DS to do the same. I feel sad that I have to warn him about going into certain parts of the city in case nutters attack him. I feel sad that he's going to come across prejudice and discrimination in the future, and I feel sad that he's going to have to spend his life correcting people's assumptions (if he wants to).

It just makes me feel better to know that someone else understands how I feel as they have expressed it so much better than I have.

sassyblue

I never thought you were homophobic OP, you had a shock and were trying to express your feelings about it all, some people can seize on a word or sentence and take it out of context. It must be a whirlwind of emotions.

FunWithFlags

I genuinely don't understand this post/thread. I've read it through a couple of times now but I'm struggling to see why a son being gay would be such a massive shock (or even a shock at all) or something to be grief stricken over. If my child told me they were gay, the only thing it would change would be the gender of the person they eventually bring home to meet us and nothing else.

I do struggle to understand the concept of the child having to come out and tell their parents anyway. Well, I understand it but at the same time I find it a bit odd. I don't expect my child to announce they are straight so why would I expect them to announce they are gay? If my child says they are bringing someone home to meet us, I wouldn't bat an eye if someone of the same gender walked in or someone of the opposite gender because it's not important. Mind you, I'm sure they would mention their partner before we met them so maybe I should say that I wouldn't bat an eye if little Jimmy mentioned that he'd met a wonderful guy or if little Joan mentioned she had an amazing date with a lovely girl. I suppose though that in some families more of a warning is necessary due to the reaction shown in the OP.

I'm rambling now (always do!) but I guess I'm saying, it's really not a big deal!

kitschkitty

I'm surprised by the number of posts about if your son did happen to come out to his dad, he (your husband) would ask you why you didn't tell him.

Why would he assume you already knew?

[Deleted User]

No I meant if he came out to both of us, knowing me I would not keep my mouth shut and would probably end up telling my husband I knew. I don't keep anything from my husband and in this instance I am not sure yet what I will do. It may be just experimentation and he may end up with a girlfriend /wife etc and I will have told my husband something that is not relevant and possibly upsetting for him, needlessly. Additionally as others have pointed out is it my information to discuss. For the record I am discussing it on here as it is an anonymous forum and I just wanted to talk to someone.