Just found out my son is experimenting with other boys

sassyblue

I'm so pleased to hear this about your son OP!!

He's not suffering from a terrible incurable disease, he's not been in an accident, he's got all his limbs and faculties and he's not out hurting and killing people.

Thank God he's just bi-sexual. :j

[Deleted User]

saffstar wrote: »

I'm just wondering, are you perhaps a slightly older mum? If you are then this, coupled with you being an army wife might perhaps be skewing your perception of how difficult things are nowadays for a young gay man or woman. I'm 34 and my age group have grown up with the idea that homophobia is wrong. I think you'd be hard pushed to find anyone under 40 who'd openly admit to being homophobic because that's the thing that's shameful, not being gay. My 17 year old niece is close friends with a boy who's known he was gay for years - he's a great lad and very popular. Equally I'm sure there are plenty of shy, socially awkward gay people with few friends. The fact that your son has lots of friends suggests that they like him for who he is. Also - if he's been kissing them, presumably they've been kissing him back?

As for the 'gay lifestyle' thing...I assume you mean something along the lines of heavy drinking, drugs, constant parties and extreme promiscuity. Obviously no mum would want this for their child. However, what I think you're frightened of is not a gay issue. Have a look at tv shows like Booze Britain or take a stroll aroud your local town centre late on a Saturday night. Peep down an alley and you'll find plenty of examples of straight kids who seem to have lost their moral compasses.

Gay people are just people
Gay lifestyles are just lifestyles

Obviously I don't like to think of myself as older :eek: but I am in my early 50's. I agree totally and that was one of the things that worried me particularly where we live, it is fairly rough in town and I do worry about when he starts going out to pubs and clubs because of all the drinking and fighting. Throughout the summer we have heard about kids dying on holiday, one leaning over a balcony to throw up. I know as a kid I did really stupid things but I am an adult now and I realise how dangerous it could have been for me. This is what makes me worry so much, the excessive drinking and then putting himself in danger because of it.

jetplane

Troubled_mum wrote: »

I do understand though your parents are not always the people you want to discuss your feelings with, I certainly wouldn't with my parents.

so back off then?

I don't think that if he is gay he is dirty and his father is a wonderful man, of course when he finds out he will be initially upset but he certainly would not turn his back on him.

stop digging

OP if you had found out that your son had been experimenting with girls this thread would not exist. Newkitten is right you are blinded.:(

Your husband is in a war zone how many 18 year olds does he fight alongside, how many mothers are in shock and traumatised because their 18 year old is dead, limbless, or has PTSD.

You appear to be rather selfish, I am your age and I am horrified by your stance.

peachyprice

Troubled_mum wrote: »

I am not homophobic, I was shocked to find my son experimentating because I had no idea he felt that way. .

If you are not homophobic would you have been shocked and devasted if you'd read his facebook account and found out he'd got off with a few different girl friends and had oral sex with one of them?

[Deleted User]

dancingfairy wrote: »

I can understand the shock and your reaction. Sometimes there's details you just don't want to know about other peoples lives (and this is probably one of them).
I would try and have a chat with him if possible, say you are worried about him (see if he is worried about the drinking etc). You also need to consider that it could be people messing about posting inappropriate things on each others facebook accounts (yes it happens pretty often and the moreoutrageous the more likely it is to be a joke).
There is not much you can really do apart from explain you are worried about him, make sure he is having safe sex and knows the risks of having several parteners etc and maybe give him a number of the local LGBT switchboard if he wants to chat things through.
In terms of telling your husband, this is difficult. It might help you to chat through things but bear in mind that this could make things difficult for your son and your son probably doesn't know either way yet.
Best of Luck
df

It wasn't on open FB, please I know it was reprehensible but I did it and now I am paying for it.

I keep switching between telling my husband and not but this is me being selfish as I want to just be able to talk to him but at the same time as you say my son at the moment does not know how to class himself. When asked if he was gay his response was he didn't know but possibly bi-sexual.

sweetme

My 16 year old daughter is bi-sexual. She has bought home both girlfriends and boyfriends. Currently it's a boy. As long as she is happy in her own skin and being careful who am I to judge what or who she dates. My biggest concern in this day and age would be drugs not sexuality. You need to accept your son's bisexuality. Love for a child should be unconditional.

PrincessPlaty

I suggest you forget looking at his facebook, you forget what you read, you forget what you saw. Your son is 18 he is an adult.

Go away and deal with your feelings surrounding homophobia so when the time comes and your son is brave enough to tell you that he is gay or he is bisexual then you have it in your heart to say 'that's fine son i will love you no matter what'.

Chances are he is just experimenting and the conversation will never arise. He is 18 he is an adult stay out of his business and deal with your own issues.

hazyjo

TBH, I think you're living in the dark ages. Things are different now. It's not all about staying in the closet and only going out with 'other gays'. People mix now. They don't care. My 17 year old nephew (who I suspect is bi at least) used to say how some of the boys were sitting there snogging at parties (school friends). I've seen boys on boys' laps in McDonalds down Brentwood High Street!

My BF has had 'fumbles' and 'relationships' with men !!!!!!. Doesn't bother me. My friend is married to a bi man. His ex was best man at their wedding lol. Even I have snogged a girl when in my 30s, and done numerous things my mum would probably have a heart attack over! No need for parents to know the half of it. Let your son do what he feels is right for him.

People just don't care like they once did. Generally, society has moved on.

I much prefer today's society. When I was younger, we didn't always have a tongue in our head. We didn't always express what we wanted. We were embarrassed about sex and found it hard to talk to friends or boys about anything mildly related. Nowadays, women admit to things they wouldn't have done 30 years ago (just look at all the Ann Summers shops lol!), people tend to be open about their sexuality... take a look at some of the Sun Sea & Suspicious Parents prog (something like that). There was often a gay mate going along with a couple of friends. It's different now. Acceptable.

His friends will love him for him. Doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks IMO. And, tbh, why should he care?!

As for the drinking, once a week? Come on. I'm 42 and still come home hammered on occasion!

Jx

Mrs_Arcanum

All you need to make sure of is that he is using decent quality condoms. Regardless of the partners gender.

jetplane

Why do you need to discuss your sons sex life with your husband? When my daughter lost her virginity I didn't put the kettle on and have a conversation with my husband about it