Just found out my son is experimenting with other boys

1940sGal

Troubled_mum wrote: »

Don't you think I already know that, if I could go back in time I would but I can't.

So face your son with what you did and be prepared to face the consequences. Otherwise carry on being 'traumatised' with this big secret you're keeping.

ViolaLass

Troubled_mum wrote: »

I quite often say this to my husband when our son has maybe done something we are not too happy about. No it is not the worst thing I have to worry about but for gods sake I only found out yesterday and it was a big shock..

I think this is the bit people are objecting to.

My cousin came out as bi recently. I was bothered only because she came out to the rest of the family at work and they forgot to tell me! (Knew I shouldn't have left that job) But I'm not worried about her future or concerned that she won't do well. Why would I be?

People can be picked on for many and varied reasons nowadays. Being straight is no guarantee of an easy life.

You say it's not the worse thing you have to worry about but frankly, I don't think you have anything to worry about at all. It's a non-issue.

mountainofdebt

At the end of the day OP, there is nothing for you to discuss with your OH.....your son's sexual preferences are not your concern nor are they his dad's.

Your son will face a harder life if he feels that he can't be honest with you both so can I suggest you stop being so melodramatic.....no one has a life threatening medically condition which in my book cause sleepless nights and not wanting food.

mountainofdebt

Troubled_mum wrote: »

but at the moment I am grieving for what he may have to face in the future.

Take my stance on life and it may ease your troubled mind - worry about certainities only .....life is full of what ifs

Troubled_mum wrote: »

I have one gay friend who had a terrible time when he came out, rejected by his family and cruely abused by people because he was gay ( I mean verbally). This will not happen in the family but I cannot account for what will happen outside of the family.

For goodness sake one person's experiences doesn't make it par for the course that everyone with that particular situation will have the same experiences.

Can you not see that?

faerie~spangles

Troubled_mum wrote: »

Think of the gay couple in Desperate Housewives , the majority of gay guys I know would be like the camp one, my son would be the other one, I would never have guessed. So when I say gay tendancies, that is what I mean not every gay guy is camp I know but you do associate campness with being gay.

Would I choose a gay lifestyle for my son, absolutely not, I don't know any mother that would, however will it change the way I feel about him, again absolutely not. I will always love him and his happiness is all that matters. I have tried to think today why I am so upset and the conclusion I came to was not whether I was bothered about him being gay but because it is a big secret that I have to keep to myself at the moment. Also lets not forget he is still also going with girls at these parties so he may be just confused or bi-sexual. I also don't think it has gone any further than serious heavy petting, I think he is still a virgin although I am not 100 % sure he hasn't had sex with a girl.

You would never know in a million years that my neighbour is gay.

He's just an every day run of the mill guy. The majority of his work colleagues assume he's straight.

His 'gaydar' as we call it, is awesome :rotfl: there must be signs, a bit like being in the Mason's that outsiders don't pick up on.


Perhaps instead of focussing on your feelings of distress/confusion you should:

Discuss promiscuity with your son and the dangers thereof.

You do know that you had no right to invade his privacy as you did, don't you?


As his mum you have to put your feelings aside and be there for him.

raven83

I can understand the OP's shock initially but at the end of the day does it really matter what his sexuality is? He is still young and experimenting, I did the same thing at his age and I know quite a few other people that did and they have gone on to be "straight". I would be more concerned and not be able to sleep if I thought one of my kids was having lots of unprotected sex with lots of different partners, to me that is far more a worry, their sexuality would not bother me in the slightest.

daska

So buy him some condoms and have a word about safe sex.

He's still your son, the same person he was before you found out.

eskimo26

My advice, minus the sarcasm and mocking, from a guy who also had bisexual inclinations at around your son's age....

1. It's unlikely he knows yet himself where he stands with regards to his sexuality.

2. Tell him you've noticed his drinking a lot and that a lot of times that indicates a person is struggling with something and whatever it is he can talk to you about it when his ready and you'll always be there for him no matter what... etc. etc. just the stuff you said yourself in your post.

3. Forget gay stereotypes, they fell out fashion when metrosexuality became the norm, and they where useless before that anyway.

Finally be patient and give him time. Imagine if you where confused about something fundamental and people kept jabbing you with a stick and asking for a decision, that can be how it feels if there's an atmosphere around you.

You sound like a loving mum, i mean i've heard a lot lot worse tbh, even in this day and age children are still disowned for coming out.

Just forget what you think you know and take it step by step with him. (gently)

Also his 18 give him some space, he'll get more of a sense of himself in college/ university.

Good luck.

*max*

Person_one wrote: »

Vodka goes in the freezer, anyway. Please tell the gays!

:rotfl:

NewKittenHelp wrote: »

The Gays. You're lowering the bar and raising the curve. How are we supposed to continue the stereotype that we're all successful overachievers if we allow you to stay?

I've been thinking that myself (well, nothing about being gay, just a general thing), but this is so well put, made me laff! :rotfl:

BugglyB

dw85 wrote: »

To everyone on here nitpicking at every word:
It can be hard to articulate EXACTLY what you mean when in shock or emotional. So please, give the OP the benefit of the doubt and as it says at the top - Be nice to ALL moneysavers!

Trust me, if the OPs son ever comes out to her as gay, he will be studying her face, nitpicking over every word. She needs to get over this, for her own sake.

OP I'm not worried about your sons future. What tends to happen when young gay people come out and their families or communities are not accepting of them is that they move far far away to Brighton, or LA, or somewhere else where being gay is celebrated as much as being straight is. Then carry on with the rest of their lives.

Its your future I'm concerned about, pretty soon he will have the choice as to whether he wants you or his father in it or not. STOP snooping on his facebook.

I hope that this might help you:

http://www.pflag.co.uk/parents.htm