Just found out my son is experimenting with other boys

jetplane

OMG I can't believe the OP :eek: This post is not from a mother who has concerns that her son is in trouble due to drink, drugs, promiscuity and so is looking for ways to guide him. Our children do this and as other posters have said we know more than they think we do, however we instill values into our children as they grow and we respect them enough to let them make decisions. That doesn't mean that we don't care, or that we agree with their choices, we just hover, ready to catch their fall.

I think being gay/bi is the least of your sons worries, he has a mother who treats him like a child. A mother who is traumatised cos he gave some bloke a blow job. A mother who betrays him by spying on him and gossiping about him with whoever told you about his sex life. A mother who needs to tell his dad, ... er why?? He will tell him himself when he is good and ready, however going by your reaction I would say that would be sometime never.

You are in denial if you say you're not homophobic, using examples on a soap opera, saying that no mother would chose this life for her son, he hasn't shown any gay signs, how many stereotypes are you going to reel off and as for saying you can't be homophobic because you have gay friends :wall:.

Well if you're going to stereotype it's all your fault OP for sending him to an all boys school and as you know neurotic, overprotective mothers cause their son to be gay !!!!!! :mad:

jetplane

Troubled_mum wrote: »

And I agree here it could be far worse, also referring to an earlier post I am not worried about him being gay per se but just a bit worried about prejudices he may come up against.

Yep starting with the prejudice at home. When I saw the title I thought your son was going to be about age 9.

peachyprice

robpw2 wrote: »

i have no idea which gays your hanging around with but the ones i know contain ... cider .lager . or pimms .
as well as foods , milk and the usual products people put in the fridge

Not forgetting food for the miniature schnauzer

peachyprice

faerie~spangles wrote: »

I'd rather my lad told me he was gay at 18 than have him tell me he was going to be a dad tbh.

Oh, yes, yes, yes, and yes again. Now that IS something I would be very disappointed about.

[Deleted User]

Mupette wrote: »

I was starting to warm to you and then you said this, how awful.
would you rather he got a girl pregnant at 16 and spend the rest of their lifes poor trying to raise a child that might not have been planned (some do and cope well, some don't)

Your son might or might not be gay, that should not be the issue, but your posts are saying two things each time,
1. your not worried about his sexuality
2. you are devastated.

This is why lots of young gay men and women have trouble telling their parents, you come over as very mixed about this, it should not be a shock, no there is no reason in this day and age that you should be shocked.

they only lifestyle issue you should be worried about for him is making sure he has safe sex regardless of who it is with, and that he can handle his drink and gets home safely from excess drinking, teens experiment.

If my son came home from college tonight and tells me he is gay, i know he will be fine, he has his stash of condoms, my conversations with him about relationships won't be about girls, it would be about men,

would i love him less, no, would i feel he was now dirty, no would i be worried about how his father felt, maybe, as his dad is a !!!!, but hopefully not to much of a !!!! to understand it's nothing to do with him or me who our son decides to have relationships with.

If your husband has issues about gay people then this is the biggest problem and a problem that needs to be addressed.

Please stay warm towards me. When I said would I choose a gay lifestyle for my son absolutely not - I did not mean I disapprove, my concerns are about prejudices he may face in the future. One of things I have most dreaded about my kids growing up was having to watch them go through any kind of heartbreak. I remember the agony of going through this as a teenager and my parents having to watch me go through it. Of course I know we all go through it and we all get over it but you still don't want to see your kids go through it whether it is with a girl or boy. It appears that my son may have been going through it - the rejection coming from a boy and it bothers me that he has gone through this pain without talking to me about it. I do understand though your parents are not always the people you want to discuss your feelings with, I certainly wouldn't with my parents.

He is only 18 and just finding his feet where it comes to relationships and at the moment he seems to be happy to be having a fumble with lots. I have talked to him about being careful and yes my biggest concern was that he might end up getting a girl pregnant. It appears now that this may not be something I have to worry about but equally I am concerned that he seems to be getting off with several people and I am worried about what that might bring.

His drinking is a concern to me because it is more of the binge drinking, I am not saying he is drinking every night, it is maybe once a week sometime less but from what I read it appears to be binge drinking. He quite often stays over with one group but it appears the group that the experimentation is happening is another group and I always go and pick him up, so he is usually fairly tipsy but not slaughtered.

I don't think that if he is gay he is dirty and his father is a wonderful man, of course when he finds out he will be initially upset but he certainly would not turn his back on him.

Faith177

In my house we were more shocked when my brother got a girlfriend lol

TBH he is doing what pretty much every 18 yr old does just with Guys. Jesus the amoutn of "promiscuous" stuff I got up to between 14-21 would make your hair curl! (I'm a good girl really:rotfl:)

OP just do as someone else said sit your son down and say you're worried about his drinking does he need any help with anything? Just be there for him but you need to do it soon otherwise the worry will just keep eating away at you

My FBIL is 25 we are still waiting for him to come out but we know he won't ever because of his dad (not OH's dad btw) It is very sad to see as he leads a very lonely life because he knows he can't have a relationship with anyone because his dad would go Bat S!!! Crazy

[Deleted User]

BugglyB wrote: »

Of course - I wasn't calling you a bad mother! I meant that in your version you probably expected visits and phone calls right? I'm just saying pretty soon you will be seeing your son on his terms, not on yours.

BugglyB

No, I didn't think you were, I was just agreeing with you.

jap200

My cousin was also in shock when her son was 18 - he was killed in a car accident.

Just thank you lucky stars every day.

Fire_Fox

I'm surprised how many people are referring to safe sex is the present rather than the future tense. So far all this lad has done is snog and had oral sex with ONE of his peers! Plenty of 18 year old girls have had oral sex with more than one guy, I don't see any difference here. The use of condoms should have long since been addressed with a fully grown adult, both from the point of view of STDs and pregnancy.

[Deleted User]

NewKittenHelp wrote: »

One minute you're comparing the shock with the shock of discovering you may have cancer, and the next you're not bothered at all. Doesn't make sense.

I really don't know how to explain it to you. When I got the mammogram letter I was in a state of shock, when my brother was found dead, I was in a state of shock, when I found out about my son, I was in a state of shock. These are three totally different events with obviously the worse being my brother, it was unexpected and a massive shock, far worse than when my father died because he had been ill and his death was expected. I am sorry that I am not educated to phd level and explain myself better.



You realise that no one chooses their sexual orientation, right? So it's nothing like not studying as hard as he should.

Of course I realise that and I have already stated that on another post. Again I was agreeing, my problem is I try to explain too much and not very well. All I was saying is sometimes things seem worse that they are and you need to reign yourself in, there are far worse things happening in the world.



Prejudices that you're contributing to. You're too blinded by your own homophobia to see that.

I am not homophobic, I was shocked to find my son experimentating because I had no idea he felt that way. I am upset because of the way I found out I cannot speak to him about it. At this point in his life the last thing I want to do is drive him away by what I did snooping, I just want to be here from him should he decide to speak to me but for now I have to just wait, whilst knowing that he has been going through his first major crush and has been rejected. I just hate to think of him suffering.

You should learn something from the parents of Tyler Clementi - his mother in particular.

I don't know who this is but I will go off and find out.