Husband Wants Nothing to do with Our 8 Day Old Baby

lilibet1

lots of excellent advice here. I dont want to be dramatic but is he safe around the baby like this?

In an ideal world i would:

1) speak to your parents
2) dont borrow the money off them....YET!
3) put the move on hold
4) Get him to go somewhere to sort himself out.

then and only if he sorts himself out
1) go ahead with the plans already made, maybe it would have to be a different house if this one pulls through

if he doesnt..

1) borrow money off parents and go it alone in a different house.

I know how hard it is but please try and think straight and look after yourself xxx

whitewing

don't know if anyone linked this article in before:

http://goodmenproject.com/families/post-partum-depression-in-men/

Welshwoofs

PinkPeach wrote: »

He also replied to a mutual friends comment on facebook that she'd like another baby. He said she could have ours and when she wrote 'you nasty man' he said, "I mean it!!!!!!"

So has he never acted like this in the past? All this nastiness is happening only now that you have a baby?

I'm now wondering if this is to do with him and not the ME.

Well really, only you and he can answer that. Is it at all possible that prior to giving birth you were, perhaps, looking at him through rose tinted glasses and sliding over his bad points in the pursuit to have a child?

I think he will always be this way but I simply don't feel I have the strength for a reposession on my house if I have to look after the baby or to separate from someone right now. I feel emotionally exhausted and he's not even been like this for one week yet.

You most definitely should not go ahead with purchasing a house when you're in this situation - it's just heaping another strain upon an already unravelling relationship. Sort out the issue with the relationship one way or the other first.

I'm sure people with ME do lash out but his facebook comment and the above just seem cruel.

No, that sounds as though he's just being an a-rse...but for the point is really, was he always an a-rse and perhaps you hoped that having a child would somehow change that?

I'd said to him this morning that he won't always feel this way and he replied that he definitley will. Last night his mum mentioned to me that she'd said something similar and he'd told her he wasnt' sure his feelings will ever change.

Then tell him that you cannot live with someone who has no interest in his own child and leave. It's then up to him if he wants to make the effort to straighten himself out.

Person_one

Tell your parents. Tell them everything, everything he's said, everything you feel and everything you're worried about. Tell them you need their help and support desperately.

Don't buy a house with him. Stop this purchase immediately. If this somehow gets resolved and you stay together there'll be other houses but if this is it for you two a new house together will be a massive headache. Most mortgage companies won't lend on a house that the previous owner has had for less than 12 months, so you'd really struggle to sell it quickly.

Don't leave. Don't even think about it. If anybody is leaving it'll be him.

Most importantly, whatever you do, don't leave him alone with your baby.

sassyblue

Person_one wrote: »

Tell your parents. Tell them everything, everything he's said, everything you feel and everything you're worried about. Tell them you need their help and support desperately.

Don't buy a house with him. Stop this purchase immediately. If this somehow gets resolved and you stay together there'll be other houses but if this is it for you two a new house together will be a massive headache. Most mortgage companies won't lend on a house that the previous owner has had for less than 12 months, so you'd really struggle to sell it quickly.

Don't leave. Don't even think about it. If anybody is leaving it'll be him.

Most importantly, whatever you do, don't leave him alone with your baby.

^^^^^^ this ^^^^^^^

Sorry you're going through this OP, hes beyond unreasonable.

Kick him out, if it's not his ME, let's hope it's a wake up call.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

I'd borrow the money and use it to leave myself.

Let him have the mortgage and the house he was quite happy to abandon her and the baby in.


And, FWIW, he threw the present at the feet this time. He threw something at her.


What if the next time, it's right in her face - or at 'It'?

sassyblue

lilibet1 wrote: »

So you see M.E. will always have its doubters as there are cases of people having it who are totally mentally ill. However, as I said before I believe it is a real illness but im not sure

I'm not sure I've read in this thread that anyone doubts it exists? What l struggle with is that someone could be that irrational 24/7 and that's why l think it's not the ME talking but he genuinely does not want this poor baby.

Nicki

Or how about, she leaves for a short while, or he does, and then she thinks about what is right for her and the baby rather than what "punishes" her husband most? It's great to say: make him move its his fault, but that might not be the best solution. She and the baby might not be able to afford to stay in the house for example, or they might be living there just because it is close to where the husband works, and if she is going to separate from him it might make more sense for her to leave and live somewhere more suitable (maybe even closer to the parents

There are a huge number of ways this could all play out. Deciding now, in the heat of the moment, is madness. This could be the "worse" in the for better or worse, and if he modifies his behaviour towards her and the baby, she might decide that they can weather this and go on to enjoy the better.

No long term decisions need to be made right this minute - just short term ones as to how she is going to get through the next few weeks while she decides what she wants to do moving forward.

Errata

I agree with JoJo - leave him to it. The likelihood of you being able to sell the house given the complaints you've formally made to the council about the neighbours is vanishingly small. Finding a tenant to rent it and paying an incresed mortgage can be his problem, not yours.
At best he's being totally irresponsible. You have to man up and take responsibility for your baby and yourself. If that means living on benefits and renting, so be it.

lilibet1

the most important thing is to stay safe. If he is behaving like this with his mother there, I dread to think how he will be next week.
xxx