Husband Wants Nothing to do with Our 8 Day Old Baby

PinkPeach

Things are no better today, they actually seem worse. MIL said we'd go to Tesco and asked him to look after the baby, he replied that if she cried he'd not have anything to do with 'it'.

He also replied to a mutual friends comment on facebook that she'd like another baby. He said she could have ours and when she wrote 'you nasty man' he said, "I mean it!!!!!!"

I'm now wondering if this is to do with him and not the ME. He was desperate for a boy and although we agreed not to find out the sex I wonder if she is a big disapointment to him. I'm hoping this all blows over and that we can just be a family. I think he will always be this way but I simply don't feel I have the strength for a reposession on my house if I have to look after the baby or to separate from someone right now. I feel emotionally exhausted and he's not even been like this for one week yet.

Also, the postman delivered a parcel earlier adressed to both of us. As he knew it was a baby present he threw the parcel at my feet. When I said there was no need to do that he said 'if you don't want it I'll put it in the bin'...and he did.

I'm sure people with ME do lash out but his facebook comment and the above just seem cruel.

I know I wouldn't be the first single mum in the world but having all this suddenly happen overnight - after he'd been so brilliant to start with - is overwhelming.

I'd said to him this morning that he won't always feel this way and he replied that he definitley will. Last night his mum mentioned to me that she'd said something similar and he'd told her he wasnt' sure his feelings will ever change. In light of this I really don't know what to think. I'm dreading his mum leaving on Tuesday (she'd decided not to stay quite so long!) as I'll be alone. I think I may have to tell my parents exactly what he's been like as so far they just think that he's not coping and has gone distant.

lilibet1

this isnt bloody M.E. this sounds like a very nasty, stupid little boy. Im devastated for you, i really am. I think you need to speak to your parents and tbh if i were you i would be sending him home with his mummy until he can act like a man and grow up.

Will your parents help you? Can they help you? You need some support asap. He is letting you down big time and you need to look after yourself in order to look after your baby. Health visitor and dr on monday i think.

If you allow him to carry on like this then he will, maybe it would be easier on your own for a while. At least you would only be looking after 2 not 3 people.

Big hugs xxxxxx

CRANKY40

For what it's worth, I agree 100% with Lilibet. M.E. makes you tired, it doesn't make you nasty. He's acting like a spoilt brat.

Nicki

That sounds horrid PP

Could your parents come and stay for a while to help out? Or even better, could you and baby go and stay with them for a little while?

Whatever the reasons why your OH is acting in this way, you need to look after yourself at the moment and perhaps getting away from him for a while would give you some headspace. There isn't any need to make snap decisions now when you are both raw and vulnerable. A week or even. 2 weeks away from him with the baby doesn't have to mean you have decided to separate permanently or divorce or anything of the kind but might give things a chance to simmer down. If nothing else when the baby is not so absolutely brand new, you'll be better placed to think straight about what you are and aren't prepared to put up with.

CelticStar

Fire_Fox wrote: »

What you are doing is clarifying not disputing. In at least some cases you are misinterpreting the wording, adding the word 'always' yourself. I don't think anyone who is familiar with ME (or indeed any serious illness) believes all people get all the symptoms all of the time, we know the presentation varies from person to person. Saying x disease causes or leads to y is not incorrect if that is a known complication or symptom. What if I said "ME causes emotional problems .... in the majority of sufferers"? That is no different to you mentally adding the word always to make "ME always causes emotional problems".

Yes, and? I can't really see what 'telling' me I am doing in my posts (thanks for that by the way) is doing to help the OP. There are quite a few posts on this thread asserting that ME leads to emotional lability and instability and the result of reading these could be that the OP starts to feel that this is the most likely reason for her husband's behaviour. I am simply redressing the balance a little by saying that in my experience this is not the case (and presumably there are plenty of others like me). I am not arguing whether emotional lability is or is not a symptom of ME.

OP, I am very sorry to read your update, you really deserve better and I hope you realise this. This is nothing to do with ME, your husband sounds quite emotionally abusive and this tends to escalate during a first pregnancy and after the birth of a first child. Has he always been quite nasty and have you always put his needs first in your relationship? If he won't leave the house then I think you need to leave him and go to your parents, at least for a while. If he is a decent man this this will hopefully bring him to his senses. If he isn't then you will be better off away from him anyway - especially with a tiny chld to look after. You need love and support and so does your baby. Have some courage, you will manage and come through this.

lilibet1

you will get lots of support off here and advice. Maybe its more deep than you realised and imho nothing to do with ME x

Wilma33

How far away does MIL live? Could you ask your OH to move in with MIL for, say, 2 weeks?

Mojisola

Has he ever behaved like that before? It sounds a whole lot nastier than the kind of "I can't cope" feelings some people get with ME.

Errata

PinkPeach wrote: »

Things are no better today, they actually seem worse. MIL said we'd go to Tesco and asked him to look after the baby, he replied that if she cried he'd not have anything to do with 'it'.

I'm now wondering if this is to do with him and not the ME.
I'm sure people with ME do lash out but his facebook comment and the above just seem cruel.

I'd said to him this morning that he won't always feel this way and he replied that he definitley will. .

I doubt the way he's behaving has anything to do with ME, trust your gut instinct and listen to what it's telling you. You know him very well.,
From what you've written it looks like you're experiencing psychological domestic abuse. I hope it doesn't become physical abuse, but he is behaving violently towards you. If you feel it is, there are organisations and people that can help and support you. In your shoes, I would tell my parents everything and ask for their support and help.
I'm sorry if this seems harsh, and I hope it's enabled you to see clearly what IS hnappening.

DanE2010

OP id tell him to leave with the mother in law, if he is that certain he doesnt want anything to do with the baby then he should be the one to leave, you shouldnt have to go through the upheaval of packing your stuff and the mountains of stuff you'd need to take for the baby.

At first it sounded like the odd comment said in the heat of the moment due to stress and tiredness but seeing as this has carried on and that he is going out of his way to broadcast his feelings on facebook in such a public and cruel way id say he's had his chance and now he's on his own. you have tired to help and understand and he doesnt want it so now its time to think of you and the baby, kick his a s s to the curb and focus on your gorgeous baby.

I have ME and my boyfriend left me while I was pregnant, I did it all on my own when my gorgeous baby was born, I got my strength from her, it can be done just make sure you have other people to lean on for support, cherish these early months they go so quickly.