Husband Wants Nothing to do with Our 8 Day Old Baby

Errata

A fair comment, but the reality is that when people post on a social networking site asking for advice I'm afraid they can't control what shape and form that advice will take and what comments will be made.

needtobecareful

Should have said, as single mother to a 7 week old and others the first 3 to 4 weeks effectively alone are the worst. Now have a routine sort of established and am able to squeeze time to prepare a meal and do other bits. The baby will settle down. Friends and family are only too willing to help. I have also been fortunate enough to become close with a pregnant woman from work who has also split from her baby's dad. We hardly knew each other before now but have become good friends and intend to help each other out. Both returning to work and will need help on occasions when we have to work later than planned.

OP be positive and enjoy your gorgeous little girl. Wishing you all the best.

Fire_Fox

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

I know he was.

My point is that you quite willingly devoted your time and emotional energy to your cat for his welfare - you would not have tolerated anybody saying he hated 'it' and wanted rid of 'it' - so why berate a woman who had only had her baby home for a couple of days for prioritising the infant over a man?

Maybe you don't even believe your own rhetoric "The desire you have to care for your pets is very similar to the urge as a parent to care for human young."

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Fire_Fox wrote: »

Maybe you don't even believe your own rhetoric "The desire you have to care for your pets is very similar to the urge as a parent to care for human young."

Why would I say it if I didn't think it?

I've had children. I've had pets. It's a similar response - to nurture them, to protect them, to give them affection and warmth. To love them and put their needs before your own, because they need you.

It's not 100% the same, with babies you have hormonal and biological imperatives to follow, such as the sound or smell of the baby triggering the let down reflex.

But it is very similar in other respects.

amus

Nicki wrote: »

I'm glad so many of you are enjoying yourselves by being so unpleasant to each other, and also by completely disregarding how OP must be feeling if and when she reads all this stuff.

All that any of us, OP included, knows is that the partner is behaving very unkindly to the OP at the moment, and that he is not helping much with childcare and making some very unpleasant statements which are or border on domestic abuse. Nothing more than that, whatever people want to speculate.

I wonder how OP feels to read the swathes of posts to say that he is by nature a domestic abuser, that he is selfish and cruel as a character trait but has hidden this up to now and that the relationship is either over, or that the OP owes it to her baby to finish it.

The fact of the matter is that this is a hugely difficult time for the OP, who has just given birth. She may or may not decide that she does not have a future with her partner, but up until about 2 weeks ago now she was sure that she did. The objectionable behaviour she has been subjected to may be because her OH is jealous of the baby and a bit of a nob. If this is so, he may get over himself quickly and start behaving better, and OP may want to choose to forgive him and move on. The behaviour may be caused by, or made a lot worse by, his illness, and might improve soon. Or, irrespective of the reason for the behaviour, it might be entrenched and never change.

OP doesn't know what is going to happen, and neither do any of us, who don't know any of the players in this story. But lets not that stop us bludgeoning someone who is in this horrible position with a constant barrage of abuse directed at her husband and catastrophising about her situation, to win points in an argument. Oh, and lets not forget the rather dodgy "separation tactics" advice given out over the weekend, with no regard to OP's actual circumstances or financial liabilities if the relationsip breaks down, just another stick to beat the partner with.

So how about those of you who have never been post partum, and those who haven't been post partum for a very large number of years, taking a big deep breath and realising that OP is very vulnerable at the moment, and reading a stream of vitriol about her partner is not high on the list of things which is going to make her feel better at the moment. This thread could be useful if some of the extreme opinons could now be left at the door, and people concentrated on being kind and supportive to the OP, leaving any bashing of her husband unstated, until at least OP knows how things are going to resolve.

The OP posted on a site asking for opinions about her husbands behaviour towards her 8 week old baby. People have given those opinions.

Her husband is being abusive and behaving like a !!!!. End of.

Its a well known fact that the three most common triggers for domestic abuse are pregnancy/childbirth, marriage and starting living together. You may be happy to post only wonderful things and words of encouragement. I'd rather say it as I see it.

whitewing

Just wondering how you and baby are, PinkPeach.

emsywoo123

PinkPeach I also have been thinking about you. I am sure MSE is understandably bottom of priorities, but know that there are people here that care and will listen if you need x

whitewing

Hope things are better at home now OP.

needtobecareful

Thinking of you too. As posted previously I am in a similar position. My baby is now 8 weeks and nearly going through the night. Hope you and your beautiful baby girl are ok. X