Husband Wants Nothing to do with Our 8 Day Old Baby

Mojisola

Errata wrote: »

The OP has said he's a moody and needs to be the centre of attention person.

But has he always been like this or has he started to be moody and needy since he got ill?

amus

Mojisola wrote: »

That's why I said the bit I've got in bold!

But my personal opinion that it is extremely clear that his behaviour is because he is a !!!! and that the behaviour he has displayed can never be excused by a medical condition.

Mojisola

amus wrote: »

But my personal opinion that it is extremely clear that his behaviour is because he is a !!!! and that the behaviour he has displayed can never be excused by a medical condition.

In which case, why would a woman choose to have a child with him without expecting to have to deal with the baby on her own as well as cope with his behaviour?

daska

sassyblue wrote: »

I can understand strong emotions tire you out, they do for anyone, but I'm struggling to see how reading could make you out of breath.

I googled it to try and understand and it mentions ME can make you short of breath, are you sure you're not getting mixed up?

Am I sure?!?!?!? Well, I was there and I remember the conversation, and I remember it being the turning point in my then husband understanding how fundamental an effect everything had.

Try googling spoon theory, personally I'm not keen on it as an analogy but it seems to help a lot of people understand. Just having to think can make you feel like you've run a marathon.

mikey72

amus wrote: »

But my personal opinion that it is extremely clear that his behaviour is because he is a !!!! and that the behaviour he has displayed can never be excused by a medical condition.

So, this was clearly out of character then?

PinkPeach wrote: »

He was there for us every day whilst we were in hospital and never failed to spend as much time with us as possible. ..........

amus

Mojisola wrote: »

In which case, why would a woman choose to have a child with him without expecting to have to deal with the baby on her own as well as cope with his behaviour?

Presumably she didnt expect this sort of behaviour?

I would think when they discussed having a child he didnt say 'look I'll provide the sperm, but once the baby is here, dont expect me to like it, hey, I may even name it 'it' and offer to give 'it' away on Facebook'.

amus

mikey72 wrote: »

So, this was clearly out of character then?

I dont know, I dont know the guy?

What I do know is that the behaviour that he has displayed towards the OP and his newborn child is inexcusable.

poet123

Fire_Fox wrote: »

Firstly we aren't only talking about a newborn, secondly meeting the relationship needs doesn't take massive amounts of time away from the baby. Mothers go back to work, parents get a sitter, relatives (including the father) help with nappies and feeds, babies sleep. Many modern mothers don't breastfeed anyway and most use contraception, let's not pick and choose which parts of evolution we lay claim to.

To see nurturing your relationship, meeting your 'other half'/ partner's emotional needs as propping up their ego is truly sad. Funny how people only seem to think this about a father's needs and not about a father being loving/ supportive/attentive/ considerate to a mother, that is expected of a modern man, cue hand wringing and loud tutting if he is not just as in this very thread. I stand by "healthy well adjusted children have been raised for centuries without the mother being totally obsessed with the baby".

Few mothers I know of are leaving an eight day old with a sitter, let alone going back to work, so your analogy is unsound.

If a relationship needs nurturing to the exclusion or detriment of an eight day old baby then that relationship is not going to last, or stand the test of time. Every relationship has periods when the needs of one partner or both have to take a back seat, this is one such time, all the energies of both parents have to be focused on getting the baby into a routine and ensuring all its emotional and physical needs are met. Egos have no place in early parenting.

Nor is it a question of obsession, rather of the understanding and acceptance of both parents that, for a time, neither one of them is them is the most important person.

Here, it seems one of them does not believe that should be the case.

mikey72

amus wrote: »

I dont know, I dont know the guy?
..............

Didn't seem to stop you having an opinion earlier.

amus wrote: »

... he is a !!!! .....

daska

mikey72 wrote: »

So, this was clearly out of character then?

This is what resonates with me. The OP has married him, they have discussed and gone through with IVF, in her view he must surely have been worth going through that with.

We 'know' from her previous threads that the stress of the neighbours was making him act bizarrely - and it is bizarre behaviour, it's not normal at all!

He was all consideration during the birth and first few days (when he was presumably not working and getting a decent night's sleep)

They return home with the baby, cue broken sleep and major stress, and his behaviour goes beyond bizarre.

I'm really not convinced that it's as simple as him just being a poo (looking for an appropriate description that gets through the filters).