Husband Wants Nothing to do with Our 8 Day Old Baby

amus

Im sorry but as far as Im concerned when my children were born they were my absolute number one priority.

Thankfully I dont have a husband who wishes me to treat him like a child and whilst I was recovering from childbirth he was quite happy to get out of bed and pass the baby to me to feed. He was happy to get up at 2am and change his nappy. He was happy to bath the baby when I couldnt bend down after a caesarean. You get the picture.

Thats because at that time in our lives, I was the one who needed supporting. What he didnt do was expect me to give him care and attention like he was some sort of four year old sibling being pushed out by a new baby.

Mojisola

amus wrote: »

Thankfully I dont have a husband who wishes me to treat him like a child and whilst I was recovering from childbirth he was quite happy to get out of bed and pass the baby to me to feed. He was happy to get up at 2am and change his nappy. He was happy to bath the baby when I couldnt bend down after a caesarean. You get the picture.

Thats because at that time in our lives, I was the one who needed supporting. What he didnt do was expect me to give him care and attention like he was some sort of four year old sibling being pushed out by a new baby.

But presumably he was reasonable healthy. If he had MS or severe arthritis or MH problems, would you have expected him to have a miraculous recovery so that he could give you total support?

I don't think it's clear whether PP's husband's issues are from his health problems or whether he has been self-centred since they first met. If it's the latter, I don't think anyone on here would be supporting his behaviour but I also don't think I'd have had a child with him unless I was willing to accept that he would also be a permanently needy figure.

mikey72

Person_one wrote: »

Why don't you just:

Cook a meal
Tidy up
Load the washing machine
Load the dishwasher.

(Helping with homework is different, because the homework is the child's task. The rest of it is not solely your wife's task!)

Because oddly enough, between the two of us, it takes co-ordination. So instead of a house full of chiefs, if one of us is the indian, it gets done faster.
No point in cooking a meal if she's got one planeed.
There is no point me putting in a machine full of woolies if a load of whites need doing.
Or running the dishwasher if one of us has a cake in the oven that'll need putting in two minutes later.
And we could both run around checking, but that's a waste of at least one of our time.
She's in charge, I help.
Or I'm in charge, she helps.

Same way she'll "help" me with the garden.
No point her running out and cutting the grass if I'm about to put on a bucket of weed'n'feed.
Or me getting out the strimmer if she wants to use the power cord on the lawnmower.


And as to baby stuff, proud to say I "helped" when it was needed.
Then again, I could also have spent my time getting the baby to sleep for example just before she fed her, but I don't think that would have helped.
Or we could have both devoted our entire day to her I suppose, so we both knew what was needed in the scehdule, but for us, chief/indian worked better than two chiefs.

sassyblue

daska wrote: »

And it's not just physical exertion that wears you out, it's everything you do, strong emotions can be tiring, so can thinking - DS2's dad looked at me one day and said "why are you out of breath, you're only reading" he really didn't get that just reading could have such a physical effect.

I can understand strong emotions tire you out, they do for anyone, but I'm struggling to see how reading could make you out of breath.

I googled it to try and understand and it mentions ME can make you short of breath, are you sure you're not getting mixed up?

mikey72

amus wrote: »

Im sorry but as far as Im concerned when my children were born they were my absolute number one priority.

Thankfully I dont have a husband who wishes me to treat him like a child and whilst I was recovering from childbirth he was quite happy to get out of bed and pass the baby to me to feed. He was happy to get up at 2am and change his nappy. He was happy to bath the baby when I couldnt bend down after a caesarean. You get the picture.

Thats because at that time in our lives, I was the one who needed supporting. What he didnt do was expect me to give him care and attention like he was some sort of four year old sibling being pushed out by a new baby.

No offense, but you were your number one prority.
His was the baby he got up for at 2am, and you were his priority by caring for you when you couldn't get out of bed.
You expected care and attention which you got as well, he didn't bottle feed the baby and tell you to sort yourself out.

amus

Mojisola wrote: »

But presumably he was reasonable healthy. If he had MS or severe arthritis or MH problems, would you have expected him to have a miraculous recovery so that he could give you total support?

I don't think it's clear whether PP's husband's issues are from his health problems or whether he has been self-centred since they first met. If it's the latter, I don't think anyone on here would be supporting his behaviour but I also don't think I'd have had a child with him unless I was willing to accept that he would also be a permanently needy figure.

I dont care if he has MS, arthiritis or the plague, he knew what he was signing up to having a baby, if he needs one on one devotion from his wife 100% of the time he should have thought twice about what having a baby would entail.

Maybe due to his health issues he is unable to give 'total' support to his wife, but that doesnt mean he should expect his wife to ignore the baby to cater 100% for him, which is what it sounds like he expects to be honest.

Quite frankly, I dont believe anybody can blame MS on throwing presents at your partner, calling a baby 'it' and offering to give 'it' away on Facebook. Pitiful excuse.

Mojisola

amus wrote: »

I dont care if he has MS, arthiritis or the plague, he knew what he was signing up to having a baby, if he needs one on one devotion from his wife 100% of the time he should have thought twice about what having a baby would entail.

Maybe due to his health issues he is unable to give 'total' support to his wife, but that doesnt mean he should expect his wife to ignore the baby to cater 100% for him, which is what it sounds like he expects to be honest.

Quite frankly, I dont believe anybody can blame MS on throwing presents at your partner, calling a baby 'it' and offering to give 'it' away on Facebook. Pitiful excuse.

Mojisola wrote: »

I don't think it's clear whether PP's husband's issues are from his health problems or whether he has been self-centred since they first met. If it's the latter, I don't think anyone on here would be supporting his behaviour but I also don't think I'd have had a child with him unless I was willing to accept that he would also be a permanently needy figure.

That's why I said the bit I've got in bold!

mikey72

sassyblue wrote: »

I can understand strong emotions tire you out, they do for anyone, but I'm struggling to see how reading could make you out of breath.

I googled it to try and understand and it mentions ME can make you short of breath, are you sure you're not getting mixed up?

You should have kept this question to google as well.

Errata

Mojisola wrote: »

But presumably he was reasonable healthy. If he had MS or severe arthritis or MH problems, would you have expected him to have a miraculous recovery so that he could give you total support?

I don't think it's clear whether PP's husband's issues are from his health problems or whether he has been self-centred since they first met. If it's the latter, I don't think anyone on here would be supporting his behaviour but I also don't think I'd have had a child with him unless I was willing to accept that he would also be a permanently needy figure.

The OP has said he's a moody and needs to be the centre of attention person.

amus

mikey72 wrote: »

No offense, but you were your number one prority.
His was the baby he got up for at 2am, and you were his priority by caring for you when you couldn't get out of bed.
You expected care and attention which you got as well, he didn't bottle feed the baby and tell you to sort yourself out.

No, my baby was my number one priority and he helped me with that.

No he didnt bottle feed the baby, I breastfed him.

Im not sure what you mean by he didnt tell me to 'sort myself out'. I took care of my own personal needs, I didnt need my !!!! wiping.