Husband Wants Nothing to do with Our 8 Day Old Baby

Welshwoofs

PinkPeach wrote: »

It's very easy for people to ask why we had IVF if he has a selfish tendency, but it's not easy to choose who you fall in love with.

That is very true. I once fell in love with a man who ended up cutting a hole in his scrotum and blowing himself up with a bicycle pump "to see what would happen."

I just wonder if the reality of having a baby after what we've been through has been a shock (?) and his reaction to this hasn't been helped because of his ME. He has many of the symptoms people have mentioned.

Some men struggle with IVF - the process focuses on the woman and the man's part is reduced to 'mechanics'. I've talked to 2 male friends who've been through that route and both said that they felt the love/tenderness was cast aside in the process and it was simply clinical. One of them went on to counselling and is still with his wife; the other's marriage crumbled.

He replied that he wasn't sure if he ever will feel better. Bit concerned about that but he is now talking a bit more.

IVF + M.E could have knocked him into depression. If that's the case, then his outlook would be negative.

I personally feel rubbish. My baby is so pretty and a wonderful bundle of joy to me that I feel very sad that he's not also as proud of her as I am.

Unfortunately the facts of life are that you can't make someone feel the same as you at the same time you feel it. You're happy/proud now and he's not...but that doesn't mean he never will be but also it also doesn't mean that he can be 'made' to feel that way now because that's what is expected.

I really wish things get better and hope that day by day they will. A few people mentioned that it could take a few weeks.

It depends what 'it' is. If you mean that it could take weeks for his M.E to get better then I'd forget what people have mentioned because it's a 'how long's a piece of string' question - some people have it managed in months, some a year, some a few years and some many years or never.

Due to his terrible time trying to get a diagnosis for his health issues and only recently being told it is ME, he now has no trust in doctors.

I can't say that I blame him....I remember the routine well. It generally involves getting shunted around every specialist known to man before they write it off as 'depression' or they simply let it slide with a few words about counselling and getting more exercise. I wouldn't trust the NHS with M.E either....even now.

I therefore don't think I'd be able get him to see a GP unless this goes on and he acknowledges he needs help himself.

If you have the money, try Dr Myhill (Google...she has a website) who is a private ME specialist. Her methods are not agreed with by some NHS GPs but she got me back on my feet and many like me.

GracieP

Welshwoofs wrote: »

Look...I'm sure you're a lovely lady, but I'm struggling to see what relevance half of your posting has to do with what I actually wrote and that's what I mean by 'noise'.

And now you are demonstrating pre-cognitive abilities about what other people have yet to post. Maybe it's not a doctor you need but a theoretical biologist or a priest.:eek:

I do find it interesting that you'd criticise someone else for posting irrelevancies when you've just started a whole quite nasty debate based on what you assume some theoretical people think which was the exact opposite of what people here were posting. But then hypocrisy really is your bag on this thread, so it's hardly surprising.

As for my irrelevancies, I was hoping to win the ongoing p!ssing competition about what disease was worse, so that we could shut it down and get back to posting helpful advice to the OP.

Welshwoofs wrote: »

It's "tout de suite"

Yes and no. While in French the phrase is certainly toute de suite, it's adoption into popular English usage has been largely based on phonetics. As the second 't' is silent and the 'de' runs into the 'too' coupled with the fact that in English usage it's normally used in facetious context, it's more common to use 'tout suite' or even 'toot sweet.'

janninew

Welshwoofs wrote: »

That is very true. I once fell in love with a man who ended up cutting a hole in his scrotum and blowing himself up with a bicycle pump "to see what would happen."

:rotfl:

Please tell me you're joking?!! :eek:

Welshwoofs

GracieP wrote: »

Maybe it's not a doctor you need but a theoretical biologist or a priest.:eek:

You're absolutely right - could your psychiatrist recommend anyone?

I do find it interesting that you'd criticise someone else for posting irrelevancies when you've just started a whole quite nasty debate based on what you assume some theoretical people think which was the exact opposite of what people here were posting.

So you missed the postings along the lines that he should just pull himself together?

But then hypocrisy really is your bag on this thread, so it's hardly surprising.

Oh come on...that's poor as an insult. Put some welly into it woman!

As for my irrelevancies, I was hoping to win the ongoing p!ssing competition about what disease was worse, so that we could shut it down and get back to posting helpful advice to the OP.

What !!!!ing contest? Whether you die from M.E or from the flu, you're dead. Again - people trivialise M.E all the time. They compare it to a heavy cold/low grade flu and it's not like that in any way, shape or form.

As the second 't' is silent and the 'de' runs into the 'too' coupled with the fact that in English usage it's normally used in facetious context, it's more common to use 'tout suite' or even 'toot sweet.'

And naturally when someone recognises that you're being facetious they're probably going to find something in the attempt to pick on.

likelyfran

mikey72 wrote: »

(my bold)
The predominant symptom of ME/CFS is usually

severe fatigue and malaise
Muscle symptoms
pain/myalgia

Brain and Central Nervous System symptoms include cognitive dysfunction (problems with short-term memory, concentration and maintaining attention),
clumsiness,
disequilibrium
word finding

sleep disturbances (often increased requirements at the onset followed by an inability to maintain a full night’s sleep),
alcohol intolerance (a very characteristic feature, particularly in the early period of illness)
irritable bowel symptomatology.
emotional lability or mood swings
features of clinical depression

Long version

http://www.meassociation.org.uk/?page_id=1685

some posters need to read it.

..see also here:

http://www.hfme.org/mesymptoms.htm

..it's not just 'tiredness'!

likelyfran

mikey72 wrote: »

I always think this is an over the top, but the first reaction on this board at times.
However, in this case I reckon he wouldn't mind.

Huh? :think:

Welshwoofs

janninew wrote: »

:rotfl:

Please tell me you're joking?!! :eek:

Nope. I had to phone our local hospital (St George's, Tooting at the time) to ask whether it was in any way fatal that my boyfriend had blown his b-ollocks up with a bike pump and looked like a human Aero.


PS: On the vague off-chance that anyone else's boyfriend finds himself in that predicament...no it's not fatal and the body eventually absorbs all the air bubbles under the skin)

PPS: If the man in question is skinny, a source of amusement can be found by poking the air bubbles to make them move around.

likelyfran

daska wrote: »

You see, this just emphasises how it affects people differently, I identify with how he is because I've experienced that side of it, if you haven't then maybe you've had symptoms that I don't know from personal experience.

My experience is that it can completely distort my understanding of what's happening and my reaction to it. Then, when I'm on the up, I can see what's happened and react more appropriately.

Yes, I am intimately acquainted with emotional lability and depression.
Doesn't change my view in this case.

GobbledyGook

Could he have been caught by surprise by the fact that he (possibly) hasn't instantly fallen in love with his baby like all the books said he would?

We went through IVF to have our first daughter and when she was born I felt like the biggest failure in the world when I looked at her and felt nothing. I didn't dislike her or anything like that, but there was no "surge" of love like everything had said there would be. I couldn't imagine that ever changing in the early days and I simply didn't understand it.

scottishchick27

Welshwoofs wrote: »

Nope. I had to phone our local hospital (St George's, Tooting at the time) to ask whether it was in any way fatal that my boyfriend had blown his b-ollocks up with a bike pump and looked like a human Aero.


PS: On the vague off-chance that anyone else's boyfriend finds himself in that predicament...no it's not fatal and the body eventually absorbs all the air bubbles under the skin)

PPS: If the man in question is skinny, a source of amusement can be found by poking the air bubbles to make them move around.

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl: