Husband Wants Nothing to do with Our 8 Day Old Baby

Welshwoofs

Person_one wrote: »

I think you need a glass of wine, you're probably stressing out that lovely dog of yours.

Nah, I'm in a fairly good mood; just not a debating mood. On another night I'd give you a run for your money but having just driven back from Bruges I'm too tired to bother.

But it all does come back to a woman with a sprog and a husband she wants more out of who either can't or won't give it. Yes, I could be more compassionate about it, but "aww hugs" doesn't get a lot done other than make the poster feel better about what a compassionate person they are....the bottom line remains the same. She's in a !!!!!! position and whichever way she choses it'll probably be hell for awhile...and, as I said, '!!!!!! happens' (which is my way of saying....she'll get through it).

DanE2010

Fire_Fox wrote: »

And my point was you don't have a clue and you don't even try to have a clue. As far as we know he appears to have been holding down a job and holding himself together prior to the stressful and exhausting events of the last two weeks. Maybe he is now being an @rse, maybe he is now really suffering with his ME or related health issues.

You asked "How does he hold down a job if he is so seriously ill? How does he interact with colleagues as they are unlikely to be as forgiving as the OP if he is rude and insensitive." Were your questions rhetorical or did you actually want to learn and understand?

As I asked "Are your energy levels and consciousness exactly the same 24/7 365 days a year? Have you never come home from a long day at work/ an evening out/ strenuous physical activity and practically passed out? Haven't you ever been so exhausted you can't think, you burst into tears at a totally inappropriate moment, you've lost it with a loved one? Did you read the OP where it explained the events of the past couple of weeks? He was holding down a job BEFORE those events, so?"

I'm glad you and your Stepford wife friends don't have to experience serious disorders of mental health, abortions, ME or just plain not cope, but that doesn't mean everyone else is faking it or exaggerating.

Welshwoofs wrote: »

I'm another who had ME (I say 'had'...but it doesn't ever seem to go away, it just seems to retreat, leaving you fairly normal if you manage it well) and I have to say that a lot of the postings on here definitely demonstrate a lack of understand of it. I managed to hold down a pretty high powered job for 6 months with ME before throwing in the towel...and I remember the precise moment I did which was halfway across Blackfriars Bridge on my way to work when I realised I couldn't walk any further because I had no idea if the ground was flat beneath me...it felt like walking through a funfair's crazy house with the moving floors....only with 5ft of wet sand piled on top. I was off work a year and it was only the care of a private specialist and copious intramuscular injections of Magnesium and B12 that got me on an even keel again.

Firstly, sleep is massively important to an ME sufferer and it's not just about 'feelnig tired'. In fact the ME sufferer doesn't reach the level of sleep needed to repair their bodies on a cellular level very often, meaning that if disturbed sleep goes on they get increasing muscular pains and the wear and tear we all put our bodies through on a daily basis fails to get repaired (and that is the point of sleep...to repair).

Apart from the pain (and I've also had flu and believe you me...there's no comparison. Flu was a walk in the bloody park), there's also disequilibrium, light sensitivity, extreme fatigue, cognitive impairment, depression and whole host of other goodies. At my worst I couldn't walk the length of a room, couldn't handle sunlight, could barely talk to anyone without either snapping or crying and in general I wanted to be dead. There was no way I could have looked after or shown an iota of concern for anyone else....because it was all I could do to function myself.

So...if this chap has ME? Forget him parenting until he's managing it well because it's just not going to happen. Yes, he may be saying some rash things right now but it could be down to any number of reasons - from frustration (lashing out), to wanting to drive his other half/baby away because he's depressed to simply not thinking straight.

What I would say though is that ME obviously doesn't excuse someone being a !!!!...so if this guy has always had a history of selfishness...why the ruddy hell did the Op go through IVF to have a child with him??? Did she think that a baby somehow fundamentally changes a person's character?

what they said, my ME foggy brain is not functioning enough for me to string such sense together this eve!

What I will say though is yes of course what he said was out of order and upsetting for the OP, but people say nasty things when they are on the edge, which he sounds like he is, just like if she has post natal and was on the edge and lashed out and said she doesnt want him or the baby and she is better off without them, nasty words but when your at the end of your tether you lash out and say these things.

At the end of the day she either moves on from the harsh words and get him help or leave him, as WW says he is not gonna be fit for any parenting at the moment so she needs to think about what wants to do and whether she wants.

He sounds like he is having a total relapse, this is what stress does to people with ME, same happend to me when I found out I was pregnant and when I gave birth, and I lashed out I can tell you! Doesnt matter that prior to this he managed to hold down a job, the fact is if he doesnt get some sleep and pace himself he will be much worse in a few weeks time, no job or signed off sick, thats how ME works, if he gets some rest and paces himself he will be able to go back to work and start functioning again and when the stress of moving house is out the way they can work on getting back on an even keel. All this telling him to man up is a waste of time because it wont solve the problem it will just make it worse.

mikey72

GracieP wrote: »

You know that in 2009 as many people died of what you dismissively refer to as 'normal' flu as from A(H1N1), right? Or do you just not actually have any real clue about influenza?

As Person_one said, you can't appeal for understanding of one serious illness while blithely disregarding the effects another. It's hypocrisy on a painfully ironic level.

Ok, ignoring the mental effects, as you don't get them with swine flu, if the op had said her husband had swine flu at the moment, what's the advice.
Snap out of it still?

sassyblue

Welshwoofs wrote: »

Ignoring the rather fumbling insult...I've simply stated the obvious. She bred with a man she found to be self-centred and moody. He's now got ME on top of that. He's not going to be nominated for Father of the Year anytime soon. So what is there to do to? Work through it or move on. Those are the choices. Should I put a "awww hugs" on the end just to pretty them up?

Not such a 'fumbling' insult if you got it. Yes, l think you should try prettying up your posts, the OP came looking for help not your ugly thoughts on who she chose to 'breed' with, as if that were your business. I'm sure she'll be thrilled with that advice when she sees it.

I'm not sure this thread has done anything for the plight of ME.

Btw, did anyone manage to agree what flu epidemic was the worlds worse? :rotfl:

Welshwoofs

GracieP wrote: »

You know that in 2009 as many people died of what you dismissively refer to as 'normal' flu as from A(H1N1), right? Or do you just not actually have any real clue about influenza?

That'd be 360 deaths in a year then. We don't have any idea how many people die from ME in a year because it's not as well documented as flu and those who die from it tend to have their deaths put down to something else.

But yet again...and I'm obviously going to have to repeat myself alot here...I'm not talking about the reality of flu, I'm talking about the people who say "Oh it's just like flu" when they actually mean "It's feeling a bit tired and shaky...just like that time I had a bad cold and told the office I had flu."

....and yet again (and by this time I'm near comatose with boredom), if I didn't think the flu was serious...I'd not have raised the point that around a third of the world's population died from it would I.

As Person_one said, you can't appeal for understanding of one serious illness while blithely disregarding the effects another. It's hypocrisy on a painfully ironic level.

Gracie...at this point you're just white noise to me. I wish I could care what you say....but....

Person_one

mikey72 wrote: »

Ok, ignoring the mental effects, as you don't get them with swine flu, if the op had said her husband had swine flu at the moment, what's the advice.
Snap out of it still?

Swine flu wouldn't be an excuse for saying the things he's said either.

Person_one

Welshwoofs wrote: »

Gracie...at this point you're just white noise to me. I wish I could care what you say....but....

The why respond?

I wish I could believe you were in a good, non-debatey mood...but...

poet123

Welshwoofs wrote: »

Gracie...at this point you're just white noise to me. I wish I could care what you say....but....

Come on WW, if that is how you feel why post? Seriously.....

Welshwoofs

sassyblue wrote: »

Not such a 'fumbling' insult if you got it. Yes, l think you should try prettying up your posts, the OP came looking for help not your ugly thoughts on who she chose to 'breed' with, as if that were your business. I'm sure she'll be thrilled with that advice when she sees it.

Help doesn't necessarily come in platitudes and outpourings of saccarine faux concern. The fact is that nobody here can help her.....we're a bunch of strangers on a message board. People can offer advice and that advice comes in all shapes and sizes and pretty much the advice is going to be either stay with him and manage the situation or move on (what other advice is there...win the Lottery and hire Nanny McPhee? Invent a time machine and choose a different bloke?)

By the way...what's your problem with the word 'breed'?
breed

   [breed] Show IPA verb, bred, breed·ing, noun
verb (used with object) 1.to produce (offspring); procreate; engender.

2.to produce by mating; propagate sexually; reproduce: Ten mice were bred in the laboratory.



Are you saying her offspring dropped by a stork? Magicked into being by a fairy Godmother waving a magic wand? Or perhaps she baked a baby.

Welshwoofs

poet123 wrote: »

Come on WW, if that is how you feel why post?

Why not?