Husband Wants Nothing to do with Our 8 Day Old Baby

sassyblue

Welshwoofs wrote: »

It actually sounds to me as though they should never have had a child in the first place. She's pointed out perceived deficiencies in his character that she noticed before the onset of ME...so why the desire to breed with him?

However she has and if his ME is serious she can count him out of parenting for a good while.

It's a big old case of '!!!!!! happens' so she either needs to stick with him and put up with what will undoubtedly be a fairly miserable life for a good while, or dump him and have a fairly miserable life on her own. Them's the options.

Nice. All she said was he was moody and liked attention, the human race could grind to a halt if we decided not to 'breed' with people with those traits.

The OPs right, ME does leave you with a distinct lack of compassion....

Welshwoofs

Person_one wrote: »

Where else can you turn to for help when your husband tells you he wants you and your week old baby gone and be told how much you're in the wrong?

Parents? Friends?

The fact is that you've chosen to breed, your husband either says he doesn't want it or really doesn't want it. So the choices are try and work through it/change him (good luck!) or leave.

Seems fairly clear cut to me.

janninew

Person_one wrote: »

You've got to love MSE sometimes.

Where else can you turn to for help when your husband tells you he wants you and your week old baby gone and be told how much you're in the wrong?

Just what I was thinking. I actually hope the OP doesn't come back to this thread, she is probably feeling quite delicate herself a week after birth and having had a poorly baby. I hope she is getting some help though, I can fully understand the worry of a poorly baby and I had a supportive husband by my side.

Person_one

Welshwoofs wrote: »

Yes, I know that. But again, when people compare ME with flu...they aren't thinking Swine Flu (as you well know because you're not thick), they're comparing it with the 'normal' flu that most people know...a bout where you get a week of extremely high temperature, sweats, bone shaking tremers etc.

Yes there are people living with ME and functioning well. I'm one of them....because I have it managed.

I said in my first post that the indications are this guy is an a-rse, despite ME....so again, why breed with him???? Why expect him to change just because he's a Father?

It's done...it's dusted. As I said - there are two options, live with him and his attitude and ME or go it alone. Both are fairly miserable. Sh-1t happens.

Flu lasts longer than a week, generally. 'Normal' flu is not fundamentally different to swine flu, its no less serious and people do die.

You're getting defensive when you think ME is being dismissed or minimised because it feels like a personal insult or attack on you, you've had it.

You don't really care about minimising a different but often fatal illness, because it hasn't really affected you so you don't feel like its an attack on you.

Its basic self centredness, we all do it a bit, you'll probably seen me jump on people in the pet forum for dismissing allergies and asthma.

None of it remotely helps the OP though.

Welshwoofs

Person_one wrote: »

Flu lasts longer than a week, generally. 'Normal' flu is not fundamentally different to swine flu, its no less serious and people do die.

Yet again...I know what flu is. I've had it (diagnosed, not "ooo I can't come to work, I have a touch of flu")

You're getting defensive when you think ME is being dismissed or minimised because it feels like a personal insult or attack on you, you've had it.

Yes, and I had it when they were still calling it 'yuppy flu' and writing people off as lazy or depressed.

You don't really care about minimising a different but often fatal illness, because it hasn't really affected you so you don't feel like its an attack on you.

I'm not minimising another illness...I'm not a !!!!!!!g idiot PO. I'm well aware that the flu wiped out a good proportion of the world's population after WW1. However, what I said, is that people who don't know ME say "it's a bit like the flu" and the people who say that aren't the ones who've gasped their last with swine flu...they're the ones who, like me, were poleaxed for a week or two with a fairly trivial form.

None of it remotely helps the OP though.

Nothing will the help the op. She has an ankle-biter and she has a useless husband (whether naturally or because of illness). Not much to say there....perhaps IVF will prove not to be the best idea they ever had. Still, I'm sure she's as happy as a pig in !!!!!! about being a Mother so she just needs to get on with that.

GracieP

daska wrote: »

That wasn't my intention, someone argued that flu was serious, and by implication that ME isn't, I disagree and felt it was worth correcting her assumption.

I certainly never implied that. Of course ME is a serious illness, it's why I suggested earlier that the OP does need to make concessions to her husband in order to help manage his illness. However influenza can actually be an extremely serious illness, which most people don't realise as so many people claim a bad cold is the flu.

Person_one

Welshwoofs wrote: »

I'm not minimising another illness...I'm not a !!!!!!!g idiot PO. I'm well aware that the flu wiped out a good proportion of the world's population after WW1. However, what I said, is that people who don't know ME say "it's a bit like the flu" and the people who say that aren't the ones who've gasped their last with swine flu...they're the ones who, like me, were poleaxed for a week or two with a fairly trivial form.

Are you sure? Because it looked like you said this:

(and I've also had flu and believe you me...there's no comparison. Flu was a walk in the bloody park)

While the person who originally compared the two (and is clearly on your side if you read her posts) said this:

I don't have ME. I know two people who do and have read a bit about it consequently. I am told that when it is bad, it feels like having bad flu. I HAVE had bad flu (and even not so bad flu) when my children were young, and I will hold my hands up and confess that I was snappy and irritable because I felt absolutely awful. I also expressed the view out loud and in tears that I was not able to cope with the demands of motherhood. Its what you do, if you are not a saint, when your whole body aches, you are weak and dizzy and barely strong enough to get out of bed and walk upright across the floor, yet have to feed and care for babies and deal with them when they cry.

I know which one looks like minimising a serious illness to me...

Welshwoofs

Person_one wrote: »

Are you sure? Because it looked like you said this:

PO....seriously, I'm not in the mood to play semantics with you. I know what I meant...you know what I meant. If you want to start a bloody pointless argument about the finer points of the many and various strains of flu you'll be doing it alone because I like my t1ts and I don't want them bored off at this time of the night.

I know which one looks like minimising a serious illness to me...

And I don't give a !!!!!! what it looks like to you

Person_one

Welshwoofs wrote: »

PO....seriously, I'm not in the mood to play semantics with you. I know what I meant...you know what I meant. If you want to start a bloody pointless argument about the finer points of the many and various strains of flu you'll be doing it alone because I like my t1ts and I don't want them bored off at this time of the night.


And I don't give a !!!!!! what it looks like to you

I think you need a glass of wine, you're probably stressing out that lovely dog of yours.

GracieP

Welshwoofs wrote: »

Yes, I know that. But again, when people compare ME with flu...they aren't thinking Swine Flu (as you well know because you're not thick), they're comparing it with the 'normal' flu that most people know...a bout where you get a week of extremely high temperature, sweats, bone shaking tremers etc.

You know that in 2009 as many people died of what you dismissively refer to as 'normal' flu as from A(H1N1), right? Or do you just not actually have any real clue about influenza?

As Person_one said, you can't appeal for understanding of one serious illness while blithely disregarding the effects another. It's hypocrisy on a painfully ironic level.