Husband Wants Nothing to do with Our 8 Day Old Baby

gingin_2

I would go and take advantage of as much hospitality as you can, your parents, his mum. Be open with your parents and see if you can stay there for a few weeks. It doesn't have to mean a break-up with your OH but you can get some rest and head space. I did that when my children were born, as OH couldn't take paternity leave.

I don't know how you can cope, you must be strong. I was a physical and emotional wreck after my first born and that is without everything that you have gone through.

You and baby have to be number one for the moment. Leave him at home to work through things himself. Don't over-analyse anything yet, just get your strength back and then you can think about the future when you are feeling more back to your old self.

mummyroysof3

can he not go stay with his mum to at least get some sleep..or you go visit your parents to give him some quiet..not a long term solution but may help to have a few days apart maybe

busiscoming2

What a horrible and selfish husband he has turned into.

Agree with the people who suggest he goes home with his mum.

You have to tell your parents the truth, as well as possibly helping you now, they would most likely be devastated in the future when they find out how much you suffered alone.

I am sure you will be happier without your so called husband to mar your happiness with your long awaited child. He is only going to pull you down if you let him continue to be so uncaring and nasty.

PinkPeach

We live in Bristol and his mum is up from Cornwall. He can't go with her as she has a tiny flat and he is supposed to be back at work on Monday.

I know it sounds silly but i'm concerned about this house move. I desperately want everything to work out but am worried that if I tell my parents the full story, they won't lend us the money to move anymore - although in my mind I know these problems are unlikely to ever go away as he has got a selfish streak.

It all just feels too much at the moment and as my mum is a massive worrier, I'm concerned about her as well if I tell her exaclty what he's been like. They think he's just distant and not coping, I've not told them he's said he doesn't want the baby.

I guess I'm buring my head in the sand but the thought of trying to sort this all out is too much. He's impossible to talk to when he's like this, I usually let him deal with it on his own until he's ready to talk which can usually be a few days - but if this is truely how he feels, then he may not ever start being nice again.

Thank you all for your input on this. I was really hoping I suppose to hear from others who have had a similar experience, but it seems that this is not normal and those that have had it are few and far between (thankfully).

Getting him to a doctor may help if it was just the ME but I think it may be just that he's got a nasty streak and a GP won't be able to help with that.

Errata

Just stop and think for a minute. If your baby could understand how he feels, they would be distraught beyond belief.
I can understand how tempting it is to bury your head in the sand, but right now you can't have that luxury. You have to do the lioness thing and protect your child from harmful people, you have to fight for your baby and protect because you are all they have.
Remember the saying? "Touch my food, feel my fork"?
Right now you have to be thinking harm my baby by word or deed and feel my wrath!

DanE2010

PinkPeach wrote: »

We live in Bristol and his mum is up from Cornwall. He can't go with her as she has a tiny flat and he is supposed to be back at work on Monday.

I know it sounds silly but i'm concerned about this house move. I desperately want everything to work out but am worried that if I tell my parents the full story, they won't lend us the money to move anymore - although in my mind I know these problems are unlikely to ever go away as he has got a selfish streak.

It all just feels too much at the moment and as my mum is a massive worrier, I'm concerned about her as well if I tell her exaclty what he's been like. They think he's just distant and not coping, I've not told them he's said he doesn't want the baby.

I guess I'm buring my head in the sand but the thought of trying to sort this all out is too much. He's impossible to talk to when he's like this, I usually let him deal with it on his own until he's ready to talk which can usually be a few days - but if this is truely how he feels, then he may not ever start being nice again.

Thank you all for your input on this. I was really hoping I suppose to hear from others who have had a similar experience, but it seems that this is not normal and those that have had it are few and far between (thankfully).

Getting him to a doctor may help if it was just the ME but I think it may be just that he's got a nasty streak and a GP won't be able to help with that.

Have you paid the money already all is it just sitting waiting to go? Is there any way of giving the money back and pulling out of the house move?

Its not what you need right now but seperating will give you the chance to be a mother and not sat worrying and walking on eggshells around him.

My now ex made my pregnancy a misery when its supposed to be a happy and exciting time, I wish id finished things sooner and enjoyed my pregnancy, you cant get that time back. Do you want your memories of the first few months of the little ones life to be like this? If there is a way of getting out of moving house with him then do it, dont stay with him if its just because your scared of the financial side of things.

Wilma33

At what stage are you with buying this new house? Maybe it would be better if your parents didn't lend you the money so you had to pull out. Then, if things don't work out with OH, they could lend you the money to get somewhere for just you and babe?

Wilma33

As MIL lives too far away, does he have silbings/friends locally that he could stay with for a few weeks?

LannieDuck

That sounds horrible, I'm so sorry you're going through this.

Talk to your parents. I know it seems daunting, but they'll be supportive and on your side, and hopefully will be able to help with some bits to give you a break. Maybe you could go to stay with them for a week so you get some help and your OH has space to work out what he wants.

I don't think it would be a bad thing if you paused on the house move (although I can understand how you don't want to hear that if you've been planning it for months....).

whitewing

Frankly, I think he sounds very ill. Post natal depression made me extremely irritable, rather than 'sad' and 'moping'. I had enough experience of depression/pnd from previously to keep my mouth shut and not say what I was actually thinking, and ride it out, but he may not understand just how big a prat he is being. Even if he does realise, he may need support and understanding from a professional to help him work through it all. I think it is beyond what a partner can cope with. His comments to me sound more like a (very inelegant) cry for help than anything too sinister, but it may escalate. Yes, he does need to take responsibility for himself but sometimes we all need a bit of prompting.

While I don't necessarily think you should put up with it, OP, I do think you should raise it again with the midwife, and sort out some course of action for you and the baby.

I also think you should stop the house move if you possibly can. How on earth are you all going to manage with that on your plate too. The health of the three of you is more important than anything else.