Husband has account on pay for sex site

catwithoutcream

mikey72 wrote: »

Do you have support from your parents?
With my deepest apologies for touching on what must be such a distressing subject, without knowing any details, it's possible the death of your child has affected him in an adverse way to your relationship. Did he receive any counselling at the time? Have you talked about it yourselves since?

If what he says is true, then he was on the site, shortly after our first child was born. So, unless he is lying about the reasons being on there (which would mean he is actively seeking a prostitute), then no, the death wouldn't have had a bearing.

Thing that gets me, is he went on the site just before he went abroad on holiday - alone. There was a photo of his apartment table, and there were two cups on. He's always sworn that it was because they were so small, so he had to have two at a time.

I also found some indecent photos of him on the camera - these were apparently for me, when I was having DC1.

Adding together the two cups, the indecent photos, and joining a prostitute site, I'm left adding it together and coming up with - looking for/obtaining extra-marital sex. Of course, this assumption just makes him more angry.

Tropez

maintenanceman wrote: »

Tropez you seem to have an amazing understanding of !!!!!! sites.

Nah, not really. I just happen to know how Adultwork works.

sassyblue

catwithoutcream wrote: »

If what he says is true, then he was on the site, shortly after our first child was born. So, unless he is lying about the reasons being on there (which would mean he is actively seeking a prostitute), then no, the death wouldn't have had a bearing.

Thing that gets me, is he went on the site just before he went abroad on holiday - alone. There was a photo of his apartment table, and there were two cups on. He's always sworn that it was because they were so small, so he had to have two at a time.

I also found some indecent photos of him on the camera - these were apparently for me, when I was having DC1.

Adding together the two cups, the indecent photos, and joining a prostitute site, I'm left adding it together and coming up with - looking for/obtaining extra-marital sex. Of course, this assumption just makes him more angry.

I'm sorry about the death of your baby cat, but tbh l'm not going to give him any excuse for what he's doing. Trauma doesn't turn you into a lying !!!!!! seeker.

Trust your instincts cat, get rid of him. Will you ever be able to trust him again?

AnnieD7

This story makes me feel so glad that I'm married to a boring old f**t who has no idea how to turn on a computer and leaves all the finances to me.

So sorry for your circumstances OP. Wish I could help.

All the best, I'm sure you'll come to the right decision in time.

XXX

suki1001

That really doesn't sound good.
It looks like he's covering his tracks. Do you have any close friends who him (but aren't best buddies with him) well you can talk to. In my experience they may already have their suspicions that he's not behaving, but with no proof they may be reluctant to share their fears with you. They may be aware of little things that have raised an eyebrow that you don't about. If you bring it up they might be more open. Don't know if that's a good way to go, but I think it's what I'd do.

Can you get any copies of financial records etc?

mikey72

catwithoutcream wrote: »

If what he says is true, then he was on the site, shortly after our first child was born. So, unless he is lying about the reasons being on there (which would mean he is actively seeking a prostitute), then no, the death wouldn't have had a bearing.

Thing that gets me, is he went on the site just before he went abroad on holiday - alone. There was a photo of his apartment table, and there were two cups on. He's always sworn that it was because they were so small, so he had to have two at a time.

I also found some indecent photos of him on the camera - these were apparently for me, when I was having DC1.

Adding together the two cups, the indecent photos, and joining a prostitute site, I'm left adding it together and coming up with - looking for/obtaining extra-marital sex. Of course, this assumption just makes him more angry.

Not impossible.
Looking on a !!!!!! site isn't a hanging offense, maybe he was just looking initially, maybe something made him go beyond that.
I've done that with coffee as well.
Only you know if the photos are in character or not.

You know him best, you know what he was like when you met him, and if anything did change, or if he's always been like that.

If you have any doubt though, if he has been with anyone other than you, I've be down the doctors being tested.

catwithoutcream

That's the thing Mikey - it is easily explainable, so whilst I've harboured doubts about the coffee cups etc, I was prepared to overlook them.

The photos are *not* in character for him. There were about 25. All of his genitals, none with his face, or any other identifiable part of him (his tattoos for example), and yes - they are definitely him. I thought it strange that he wouldn't be identifiable in intimate pics, if he was sending them to me, the timing - me in hospital giving birth - was also odd. I was never sent them, I found them later, and this was the excuse he gave. He had never before, nor since (at all in fact) sent me photos such as these.

The other thing - I didn't know him well. It was a bit of a whirlwind, he told me his ex had numerous affairs, and he was an honest, honourable family man, and I fell for it. I was a bit manic at the time, and we married within two months... yes I know - stupid! I gave up my council house, where I'd lived with my son (who was then an adult) as I thought he was 'the one'.

As I said, I've not met his mates. The only one I have met is his female friend, who used to sleep with him, till I came on the scene. She hasn't been friendly to me (she admitted she was in love with him), and she hasn't been in contact since our second child died.

He did communicate with his friends via facebook, but closed his account down, after our child died.

downsizer3

Can you get out with your child - anywhere you can go? I think you need a bit of space just now.

mikey72

I wouldn't throw him straight out.
But it's close.

I wouldn't have missed the birth of our kids, but I do also know the death of one would cause me relationship changing issues.

At the end of the day though, he has to accpept your feelings, and if he won't, it isn't going to work without some counselling to discus his issues.

alwaysonthego_2

Make sure before you do anything that you open a new bank account and get the tax credits and child benefit changed over otherwise if he won't sign them over to you, you will have huge problems with getting these benefits x