Husband has account on pay for sex site

C_Mababejive

You know the truth. He has been sh&gging prostitutes off this site.

He knows hes been caught and is mixed up. He tied damage limitation/lying but you saw through it. He probably feels some anger and regret with himself that for some reason he felt the need but then that is the nature of man.

Either way things will never be the same,

Can you live with that?

Cut loose.

FBaby

One day, I accused wrongly my man of hiding financial matters to me. He was very angry BUT he was the one insisting on coming home and showing me all his accounts to prove to me that I was wrong. I was, felt bad, apologised. He was understanbly hurt but... it means that since then, I do trust him 100%.

The reality is that if he was genuinely angry because you didn't trust him, he would be desperate to prove you wrong, show you that indeed, he didn't do what you are accusing him off but only what he claims, so that the 'fault' could be passed back on to you (for not trusting him when you should).

If I were you, considering how bad things are, I would give him an ultimatum and insist to see the profile. Either it will show that he lied, and if that is the case, you might as well have the proof and deal there and then with the consequences. If he was indeed truthful, then at worse he will be angry with you for snooping/mistrusting him, but that is much easier to work on and deal with so that you have a chance to rebuild a relationship that you continuing to mistrust him.

catwithoutcream

He definitely won't show me the profile. He thinks that he has done nothing wrong, and by showing it to me, he is playing into my hands, just to satisfy my "mad thoughts". You see, this has almost completely convinced me he is hiding something, and what I can't see, I can't prove, so he is admitting the minimum. But if the worse he did was message a prostitute (not that wouldn't be bad, but you know what I mean), then that would be something to discuss, but without anything - then I'm left imagining the worse - that he's actually solicited sex from these women.

This isn't the only thing he's done, he has done several 'iffy' things, but he explained them away. Somehow this just feels worse, and he isn't trying to reassure me. Right now he is still refusing to speak to me, not until I apologise. But he's always like this, and when I do (always) apologise, then try to talk about what was wrong, he gets angry again.

Stephb1986_2

Let him get on with his sulk he's annoyed you've caught him out the sooner you cut your ties from this liar the better it will be for you.

Good luck
Steph xx

FBaby

He definitely won't show me the profile. He thinks that he has done nothing wrong, and by showing it to me, he is playing into my hands, just to satisfy my "mad thoughts".

That reaction goes totally against the expected one when someone is accused of something they haven't done. Everyone's instinct in this case is to PROVE they have done nothing wrong.

The above excuse is however the ultimate typical one of someone who is guilty and a control freak...

You see, this has almost completely convinced me he is hiding something, and what I can't see, I can't prove, so he is admitting the minimum. But if the worse he did was message a prostitute (not that wouldn't be bad, but you know what I mean), then that would be something to discuss, but without anything - then I'm left imagining the worse - that he's actually solicited sex from these women.

He would know that very well. So in addition to the usual response to prove one has been wrongly accused, it is also a normal response to want to reassure someone who has been given reason to imagine the worse.

This isn't the only thing he's done, he has done several 'iffy' things, but he explained them away. Somehow this just feels worse, and he isn't trying to reassure me. Right now he is still refusing to speak to me, not until I apologise. But he's always like this, and when I do (always) apologise, then try to talk about what was wrong, he gets angry again.

Again, if he was trully innocent, he would be really bothered by all those 'unlucky unfortunate misleading events' that wrongly point to guilt and would want to justify himself.

I'm really sorry but all his behaviour shouts 'I'm guilty I'm guilty'. The not wanted to prove you wrong, the not wanting to reassure you that you are mistaking, the not being bothered that the accumulation of unfortunate confusions makes him look bad, and more importantly, the getting angry to make it look like you are in the wrong, all typical manipulative reactions to defuse the guilt from someone onto someone else. I think there is a change in a million that he is guilty of probably even worse thing than what you've found out so far

gracesophia

I'm so sorry you're going through this. He is treating you appallingly, and the way you described how he kept calling you 'crazy' made me think about this website about emotional abuse.. I can't post links but if you search for You are Not Crazy dot com you'll find it. If you recognise his behaviour in these descriptions, it seems like that might be the main issue here, even more so than the website. Any man can make a mistake, but it's the way he's covering it up, lying and blaming you, that is ringing alarm bells for me.

dacouch

He sounds like a bit of a anchor

maintenanceman

Tropez you seem to have an amazing understanding of !!!!!! sites. I never knew htis stuff.
Any as a bloke I think you have to remind the guy that you have a newborn child and he has too man up and take care of his newborn and stop acting like a selfish wnaekr (which technically he seems to be).. Time for him to grow up.

Skintski

Please do not apologise to him because you have nothing to apologise for. I'd want an explaination too if I found my other half on a site like that and I think any normal lady would. Do not let him make you feel like this is your fault because quite simply, it isn't. He should be taking your concerns seriously and trying to put you mind at rest if he has nothing to hide.

esmf73

Think of the worst case.....if he has used these services from the ladies concerned, then MY first call would be to my doctor to be tested for STDs.

Then I would write to the child benefit people and get all child related money paid into your account. Get yourself together and LEAVE. This is if you don't feel you can repair the breakdown of trust in your relationship. If you can, and you feel he will be honest, then work at it. Good luck with whatever you decide.