Husband has account on pay for sex site

catwithoutcream

NewKittenHelp wrote: »

Do you not have your own money?

No, all the money goes into his account (including CHB & CTC), and he has never let me see the accounts.

Tropez

catwithoutcream wrote: »

No, all the money goes into his account (including CHB & CTC), and he has never let me see the accounts.

To be perfectly honest, not even being allowed to see the family finances would ring far more alarm bells for me than finding the other half had registered on a site of ill repute.

catwithoutcream

suited-aces wrote: »

I'm not proud of this but I've registered some friends' email addresses with some quite unsavoury (but legal) sites as payback for pranks, so is it a possibility his mates are as immature as me?

No he doesn't see his mates anymore, he's never even introduced them to me, and he randomly deleted his facebook too

suited-aces

Tropez wrote: »

Not really. If he was purchasing the services of an escort (and I'm not for one moment suggesting he is) there would be a high probability that there would be no record of it via Adultwork due to the number of working girls who advertise their email addresses and phone numbers on their AW profile specifically to conduct their business off AW.

In that case would he even need an account for that?

NewKittenHelp

catwithoutcream wrote: »

No, all the money goes into his account (including CHB & CTC), and he has never let me see the accounts.

Why on earth are you with him?

Tropez

suited-aces wrote: »

In that case would he even need an account for that?

Some, not all, of the working girls on there hide their face pictures from non-members. If you were intending to partake of the services on offer I suppose you might want to know what they look like in advance.

If the pictures were hidden in private galleries then there would be a transaction record for however much it costs to look, but even that doesn't prove much because some of the escorts are babeshow girls or well known (in adult movie circles, at least) !!!!!! actresses, so there could be other reasons for wanting to browse their private collections.

Also, you can send Private Messages to escorts, performers and whatever without paying money but like every PM service, those messages can easily be deleted to remove a record.

claire16c

catwithoutcream wrote: »

No he doesn't see his mates anymore, he's never even introduced them to me, and he randomly deleted his facebook too

How did you end up being married to someone like this?

What do you mean youre not 'allowed' to see the accounts? What happens if you ask?

Or just go in to the bank and ask for a mini statement. Set up online banking.

Tropez

claire16c wrote: »

How did you end up being married to someone like this?

What do you mean youre not 'allowed' to see the accounts? What happens if you ask?

Or just go in to the bank and ask for a mini statement. Set up online banking.

From how the OP explained the situation it sounds to me like all money is paid into his personal account, which sounds extremely iffy to me and if that is the case, unless she has been added to the account as someone with authorisation to view it (unlikely) the bank wouldn't be able to give her any information.

C_Mababejive

Trust your instincts. Dont expect him to tell you the truth. He has been found out. I'd put him on notice but gather your evidence first so that he cant stand and lie in your face and make you feel like a paranoid idiot. Let it lapse for a few weeks whilst you gather the case for the prosecution.

clearingout

you post rings a lot of alarm bells with me....

my ex had a long affair. Some two years after we separated, I discovered an old credit card statement which showed he had had an account, at the same time as living with me and having an affair, with an 'adult dating website'. Nothing had ever gone out of the joint account but going through statements later, I realised his credit card bill had increased over the years. I can only presume he carried out his affair/liasions/whatever! via his credit card.

Hiding things, not letting you see how joint money is spent, suggesting you are 'mental' or 'mad' as a result of his internet dealings all ring huge alarm bells to me. If you have no real issue with !!!!!! and are open with that with him, he has no reason to hide things.

Of course, it could all be entirely innocent, a man lost in the fantasy, spending a bit too much money, feeling guilty about it. Take a deep breath and listen to your head, not your heart. You need answers.