DH wants to split bills now.

pearl123

I suspect we are only getting half of the picture here.
To be honest I wouldn't let my partner have access to my bank account if they had run up large debt which they had not yet paid off.

*winter*

CH27 wrote: »

How have you resolved the problems?

Once we had split all the bills and he paid for his own by himself (bike loan, pension, phone contract) I was actually 'better off' albeit being very careful each month. I think it was actually more of a shock to his system as he had never managed his money before.
Regarding his other issues - I asked him to curb his hobby time, but instead he increased it...his words were "I'd love to live in a rented flat where I had no house maintenance to do and no grass to cut". These factors rang alarm bells with me but I didn't want to give up on my marriage, I tried to suggest everything but he didn't want to try. All I could do was prepare myself practically when crunch time came...4 weeks ago. The practicalities are easy; obviously its the emotional ride thats hideous. All I can offer is try and prepare and sort things out for YOU and your children as much as you can.

MrsNorthman

Right for the final time here goes.
When me and DH got together we both ran up debt, in separate names but spent jointly. Me £19k and DH £14k, paying off everything then DH got ill and went on ssp, neither of us could then pay debts as we had to pay rent, council tax, gas, electric, food, etc. Then DH got better we entered into an IVA as we were too far bend to ever catch up, a year later, DH got ill again and the IVA was failed, I continued to make payments to my creditors but DH didn't and eventually his debts became statute barred whereas mine are still there.

I don't want to be seen as someone who goes around spending money like there's no tomorrow, we got into debt together, although in separate names, the only things I spend any money from DHs account on is bills.

meer53

MrsNorthman wrote: »

No I honestly don't think he's having an affair

I didn't think my ex was having an affair either. Turns out i was wrong.

ViolaLass

MrsNorthman wrote: »

I don't want to be seen as someone who goes around spending money like there's no tomorrow, we got into debt together, although in separate names, the only things I spend any money from DHs account on is bills.

Nope, when you spend £70 on a 5 year old's birthday present whilst in debt then claiming that you are sensible with money doesn't wash.

meer53

MrsNorthman wrote: »

I'm sorry but I am feeling the need to be defensive. I came here to ask how you split everything and I'm being questioned about why we spent £70 on my daughter for her birthday. I still don't see what it's got to do with it, we saved for it.

People are mentioning the tablet purchase, as if you have debts like yours, £70, whether saved up or not, is a large amount to spend on a 5 year old. It's completely out of proportion considering your situation.

I don't know any 5 year old who understands the monetary value of anything. A gift for £10 would probably have been fine. It's your attitude to your debt that is making people comment on it.

thehappybutterfly

OP, I started out having an enormous amount of sympathy for you. I held back posting as I was so furious on your behalf, I thought I might hurt your feelings but the more I read, the more we're finding out and the less sympathy I have. Both of you are hopeless with money by the sounds of things. The facts are;

• you have a sh!tload of debt yet you see nothing wrong in spending £70 on a tablet for a 5 year old
• your husband is in a job which makes him so ill that regular sickness/slashed income seems inevitable yet you, by your own admission, don't care about money and as long as you have the essentials, you're happy. You need to be planning ahead for these lean times when you have no income other than SSP

Your husband wants some relaxation time and money to spend and I can see where he's coming from - you, as a SAHM, has to assume responsibility for budgeting but you're out of control. I think his request for 50/50 split is a reaction to your attitude to money. I'm not saying he's right, but you're not right either. You both need to sit down and have a serious discussion or this marriage is going to become more and more miserable for everyone concerned.

There. I said it. Hang me.

MrsNorthman

thehappybutterfly wrote: »

OP, I started out having an enormous amount of sympathy for you. I held back posting as I was so furious on your behalf, I thought I might hurt your feelings but the more I read, the more we're finding out and the less sympathy I have. Both of you are hopeless with money by the sounds of things. The facts are;

• you have a sh!tload of debt yet you see nothing wrong in spending £70 on a tablet for a 5 year old
• your husband is in a job which makes him so ill that regular sickness/slashed income seems inevitable yet you, by your own admission, don't care about money and as long as you have the essentials, you're happy. You need to be planning ahead for these lean times when you have no income other than SSP

Your husband wants some relaxation time and money to spend and I can see where he's coming from - you, as a SAHM, has to assume responsibility for budgeting but you're out of control. I think his request for 50/50 split is a reaction to your attitude to money. I'm not saying he's right, but you're not right either. You both need to sit down and have a serious discussion or this marriage is going to become more and more miserable for everyone concerned.

There. I said it. Hang me.

He isn't in a job that makes him ill, his illness is the reason he can't do the good paying job, which is why he's in a low paying job.

How am I out of control, I budget, it was a joint decision to buy the tablet not my own. I have been trying to pay my debts, DH ignored his and
went away and I'm the one who's out of control?

Well it all doesn't matter now as we are seperating as soon as I can find somewhere for me and the kids.

January20

MrsNorthman wrote: »

DH is trained to earn a lot more than he does, but that job also makes him I'll which results in him being on sick for six months at a time.

MrsNorthman wrote: »

He isn't in a job that makes him ill, his illness is the reason he can't do the good paying job, which is why he's in a low paying job.

Which is it?

I would love to comment and try and help, but....

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

MrsNorthman wrote: »

He isn't in a job that makes him ill, his illness is the reason he can't do the good paying job, which is why he's in a low paying job.

How am I out of control, I budget, it was a joint decision to buy the tablet not my own. I have been trying to pay my debts, DH ignored his and
went away and I'm the one who's out of control?

Well it all doesn't matter now as we are seperating as soon as I can find somewhere for me and the kids.

Sounds like you've had one of 'those' Sunday afternoons. Better when they are over and done with, rather than waiting for it to build up, even if it doesn't seem like it at the moment.

Was this his reaction to you, or was it you having had enough of living like this?



In any case, as you are the parent with primary care of the children, he should be the one to leave if you don't want to.


Solicitor on Monday. Don't let him threaten your family's security.