DH wants to split bills now.

pearl123

MrsNorthman wrote: »

Bit of a back story, been together 10 years, married 8, 2 children, I haven't worked since I got pregnant with 2nd child, tried finding work but nothing come up that we could work around, as childcare would take my entire wage, DH says he is happy for me to be a sahm. The entire time we have been together, money has always been put together, bills paid then what's left is ours.

This year we haven't been able to have a family holiday (usually one through The Sun paper), but DH has managed to take himself away to watch bike racing 3 times now, 1st time a day trip, 2nd a full weekend and now an over night stay. He got a bonus this week and we put all the money together, split in half, he took his for his trip and mine is for a few bits DD needs, some bits of food, DHs lunches during week and petrol if he needs it, we had an argument and he decided that I am no longer allowed access to his bank account, he will pay his half of the bills and his money will be his.

I am now sorting through all of this but I'm wondering what happens with certain things, do we split bills according to income, mine being tax credits and child benefit, do I refuse to pay towards the car? What happens for birthday and Xmas gifts etc. and the biggy, what happens with childcare when I get a job, he won't want to pay half of it from his money so I can go earn some money.

Any advice would be appreciated.

OP - you've said in later posts that you have 18K in debts. Sounds like your husband has recongnised that there is a financial problem and is trying to deal with it.

CH27

*winter* wrote: »

I hate to say this, but this is exactly the same road my husband and I went down last year...His hobbies, including wanting a motorbike again, took up so much of his time, he barely had any left...except for cutting the grass, funnily. We had to, eventually, pencil in when he would spend a day with the family; even our holiday revolved around him and he didn't even come on it! Enough was had when I found out he was having an affair.
I had to match half our bills on my part time wage while he earnt two thirds more than me...then never did anything in the house etc. He even said child minder bills were my responsibilty if I wanted to work longer hours...I suggest speaking to him, but even when I did it didn't make much difference.

How have you resolved the problems?

lostinrates

MrsNorthman wrote: »

I'm sorry but I am feeling the need to be defensive. I came here to ask how you split everything and I'm being questioned about why we spent £70 on my daughter for her birthday. I still don't see what it's got to do with it, we saved for it.

Perhaps that you do not see a connection where others here do might be part of failing to see a solution or improvment?

Some people are abrupt in their replies op, and that can be very frustrating and counterproductive when you are trying to find solutions, but so is not pointing out obvious 'pressures' from the information provided to us.

MrsNorthman

pearl123 wrote: »

OP - you've said in later posts that you have 18K in debts. Sounds like your husband has recongnised that there is a financial problem and is trying to deal with it.

£19k is my debt, his debt was £14k but after the IVA failed he refused to respond to any letters about his debt and now £9k of it Is statute barred. I don't feel he is trying to deal with it if I'm honest.

ViolaLass

MrsNorthman wrote: »

I came here to ask how you split everything and I'm being questioned about why we spent £70 on my daughter for her birthday. I still don't see what it's got to do with it, we saved for it.

You don't see how having £19k of debt might suggest that £70 spent on a tablet for a 5 year old is OTT? Getting a 5 year old a tablet in the first place is OTT but you can't even afford it!

How you and your husband split your money isn't really the issue, I think. You have yet to agree how you will talk and think about money between you, so how can you agree on how you will split it?

POPPYOSCAR

MrsNorthman wrote: »

£19k is my debt, his debt was £14k but after the IVA failed he refused to respond to any letters about his debt and now £9k of it Is statute barred. I don't feel he is trying to deal with it if I'm honest.

By the sound of things I do not think either of you are dealing with your debts.

And sorry I agree with other posters about spending £70 on a 5 year old, especially when you are in debt.

Many parents do not spend that kind of money on their children.

I would have spent say £20 and used the other £50 to pay off some of the debt.

CH27

MrsNorthman wrote: »

I have mentioned this in the past and he completely disagrees. He says he's entitled to go away to watch bikes every so often and went on about how some men go away every weekend and have bikes and that their wives don't complain.

You children are entitled to be fed, clothed & kept warm.
Since when did his hobbies or you paying £70 for a birthday present come before the basics?

pearl123

An old saying 'cut your coat according to your cloth'.

If you spend more than you have you will eventually be unhappy and miserable.

MrsNorthman

CH27 wrote: »

You children are entitled to be fed, clothed & kept warm.
Since when did his hobbies or you paying £70 for a birthday present come before the basics?

No one said they aren't fed clothed or kept warm, like I said the £70 was saved up after everything else had been paid since xmas.

POPPYOSCAR

MrsNorthman wrote: »

No one said they aren't fed clothed or kept warm, like I said the £70 was saved up after everything else had been paid since xmas.

What difference does it make that is was saved up or you paid it from the latest wage packet - it is still £70 and a lot of money, some of which could(should in MO) have been used to pay off some of the debt.