DH wants to split bills now.

mikey72

MrsNorthman wrote: »

He thinks I'm only bothered about money, I don't care about money, I'm going bankrupt as soon as I can raise the fees, money means nothing to me......but he wants to have money spare every week,.........

What debts do you have you need to go bakrupt over?

And as you're husband and wife, that would affect him if you had joint accounts.

Some people do like having a spare amount of money left over, and don't spend everything that comes in.

I can see why he thinks seperating finances is advisable at the moment.

mikey72

balletshoes wrote: »

now you see, I've never agreed with that. I'm married, have been for years, we have a child together, but we've never shared bank accounts. We have had our own accounts and then paid a similar amount each into a joint account, we each had access to that account. But I don't have a card for my OH's account, and he doesn't have a card for mine.

I've had a joint account with my wife since I met her as my girlfriend. Only seperate accounts we have are for tax purposes, then they're online so we both use them in reality.

Spendless

How much does a childminder charge in your area for the time that your DH leaves the house till they are dropped off at school and how much for picking up from school till he gets home? Work out the price x 5 days x 2 kids and type him up an invoice to give him. State your rates are 1.5 if he's out on a Sat, double time on a Sunday and treble for overnighters.;)

Alias_Omega

I dont think there is anything in it, apart from he wants a little bit of spending money.

Some weeks i can work up to 72hrs, and i get less than £50 a month out of a £33,000 income (plus tax credits etc).

No doubt his friends have a partner that works, they split the monthly income and both have there own cash. I guess your partner thinks he can do the same.

I cant wait until Mrs AO is working, i'm going to go to Asda/Tesco and spend her wages on cr*p, as thats what it looks like to me... :rotfl:

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

MrsNorthman wrote: »

I have even considered asking DH to leave, we have had a few arguments lately, money and his drinking, he used to have 5-6 cans a night but we sorted that out. Him leaving wouldn't be an option now as he got my sister a house to rent through his boss and if I tell DH to leave he will take the house and leave my sister homeless. Not that I want us to separate, he's not always an idiot, it's just lately.

No he's never hit me, I wouldn't stand for that and have no problems standing up for myself.

Sorry, love. You're talking bollocks.

You've got an abusive, controlling addict there. Even IF he has miraculously become sober (and hasn't transferred his addiction onto something else that doesn't make his breath smell, IYSWIM), he's keeping you short of the money that is yours by right, subtly threatening you with hurting your family and behaving just as an abusive addict behaves.


Stay, go, your choice. But don't expect us to tell you how to split up the bills to keep him in the comfortable position of having the drudge at home, him out and about being single, doing exactly as he pleases and abusing his wife, kids and family in order to do so. In any case, even if you paid every single bill yourself, he would still take money off you to fund his choices - so there's no point trying to divvy it up. To an abusive, controlling addict, it's ALL his.

MrsNorthman

Debts are from before we had kids and a few after, no joint debts, although we spent the money together, we don't have joint accounts either. Majority of his debt has gone, not been paid for over 6 years, however because I tried to pay some of mine off I still have £19k in total to pay, which is why I'm finally going bankrupt.

I don't spend every penny that comes in, I have barely even bought any clothes for me and the kids this year. Taking himself off for the night is hardly leaving any spare is it.

poet123

This is not how a good marriage should work. Are you happy to settle for less? He is controlling you by the only means he has.

Time to get serious.

meer53

MrsNorthman wrote: »

This is what I think tbh, I do everything, he works so I do everything else, everything in the house, I deal with all finances, the only thing he has to do is cut the grass.

He needs to knock this jealousy with his mates on the head, he goes on at them how he can't do this that and the other as he has responsabilities as a parent but then he will swing it some way so he gets to go, like the reason he told everyone he couldn't go for the weekend was because Dd had a party to go to yesterday, But in the end he had the car ready, brought us home from the party then left.

My ex was exactly the same. In over 20 years of self employment, he never once met his accountant. I did it all. Boy was that a big mistake on my part !

I did everything, whilst also looking after 2 kids and working (sometimes full time, sometimes part time) and running the house. He thought if he cut the grass at the weekend he was done. He could also find any number of excuses not to go to visit friends or family. If i went on my own, the atmosphere when i came home was unbearable as he'd had to venture in the kitchen to make himself a cup of tea.

Fast forward - he went off with someone else. What a kick in the teeth, i stuck with him because he too could be charming and a nice guy sometimes.

With hindsight, i really wished i'd taken some sort of action when it started to pee me off. Which i think is the stage you're at now OP. We didn't have any financial problems, from reading your posts, the real problems you have aren't financial.

If you don't discuss how you feel with your OH and get him to understand how this is affecting you, things will only get worse. Going bankrupt may solve your financial problems, it won't solve the other issues you have.

mildred1978

MrsNorthman wrote: »

He thinks I'm only bothered about money, I don't care about money, I'm going bankrupt as soon as I can raise the fees, money means nothing to me, as long as we can get the essentials that's all that matters,

MrsNorthman wrote: »

We got our DD a tablet for her 5th birthday, she said she wanted an iPad as I have one.

:silenced:

MrsNorthman

mildred1978 wrote: »

:silenced:

Yes I have an iPad, I sold some of my items to pay for it, it didn't come out of the weekly money and it's not brand new. I don't own a computer or a laptop the iPad is it, for everyone in the house, but my daughter wanted her own.