DH wants to split bills now.

MrsNorthman

Bit of a back story, been together 10 years, married 8, 2 children, I haven't worked since I got pregnant with 2nd child, tried finding work but nothing come up that we could work around, as childcare would take my entire wage, DH says he is happy for me to be a sahm. The entire time we have been together, money has always been put together, bills paid then what's left is ours.

This year we haven't been able to have a family holiday (usually one through The Sun paper), but DH has managed to take himself away to watch bike racing 3 times now, 1st time a day trip, 2nd a full weekend and now an over night stay. He got a bonus this week and we put all the money together, split in half, he took his for his trip and mine is for a few bits DD needs, some bits of food, DHs lunches during week and petrol if he needs it, we had an argument and he decided that I am no longer allowed access to his bank account, he will pay his half of the bills and his money will be his.

I am now sorting through all of this but I'm wondering what happens with certain things, do we split bills according to income, mine being tax credits and child benefit, do I refuse to pay towards the car? What happens for birthday and Xmas gifts etc. and the biggy, what happens with childcare when I get a job, he won't want to pay half of it from his money so I can go earn some money.

Any advice would be appreciated.

ailuro2

Tell him you'll have to find a job in oder to provide your half of the bills, and that he'll be paying for half the childcare, cleaning people, ironing service etc. because you'll be out at work.

balletshoes

fiirst things first - can you afford to pay half of all the household bills, expenses (I include all the groceries, toiletries, car bills, family holiday, school stuff for the kids in this), Christmas and Birthdays for the whole immediate family etc, from your income? If theres no way you can, then this arrangement is impossible, it can't work, so you and your OH will have to find another way to deal with it.

MrsNorthman

balletshoes wrote: »

fiirst things first - can you afford to pay half of all the household bills, expenses (I include all the groceries, toiletries, car bills, family holiday, school stuff for the kids in this), Christmas and Birthdays for the whole immediate family etc, from your income? If theres no way you can, then this arrangement is impossible, it can't work, so you and your OH will have to find another way to deal with it.

Half the bills no, if we were to split it according to income, which is me 35% and him 65% then yes I could manage and would have £100 a month left over but that's not including holidays, birthdays (we only buy for kids now) etc.

I don't want to pay for the car as I don't use it, I don't drive, I walk everywhere, the only place that I need driving to is DDs dance class.

HappyMJ

The tax credits is joint income so technically he could claim half of it as his. Splitting expenses as a couple with children never works. Splitting income may work. Add all income together pay all essential expenses then split the rest 50/50.

MrsNorthman

HappyMJ wrote: »

The tax credits is joint income so technically he could claim half of it as his. Splitting expenses as a couple with children never works. Splitting income may work. Add all income together pay all essential expenses then split the rest 50/50.

He won't do that, he considers tax credits and child benefit my income as it gets paid into my account. He doesn't want me to have any claim over his income whatsoever.

daska

If he's taking holidays and having days out but denying them to you and the kids then there's a problem you both have to face up to.

When my first husband suggested this (as I went on maternity leave!) I based it on gross income, he was very upset when it resulted in him being responsible for most of the bills, somehow he'd got it into his head that he should retain most of 'his' money for him rather than supporting his family.

Either you discuss it and sort it out amicably or you tell him he's in the spare room and you'll have 20% of his net income (std csa rate) thank you very much... (and as you're married with children he's in cloud cuckoo land if he thinks you have no claim to anything, that's the whole point of the legal contract he entered into with you.)

MrsNorthman

daska wrote: »

If he's taking holidays and having days out but denying them to you and the kids then there's a problem you both have to face up to.

When my first husband suggested this (as I went on maternity leave!) I based it on gross income, he was very upset when it resulted in him being responsible for most of the bills, somehow he'd got it into his head that he should retain most of 'his' money for him rather than supporting his family.

Either you discuss it and sort it out amicably or you tell him he's in the spare room and you'll have 20% of his net income (std csa rate) thank you very much...

Unfortunately we don't have a spare room.

Im not interested in money, I don't care about it, I just want what's best for us as a family, he said the reason we didn't have a holiday this year was because I didn't book one, we couldn't afford the deposit so how could I book one, something always comes up.
We have had one day trip this year as a family and we had to take a packup as we literally had no spending money. The only thing I argued about was that I thought he was being selfish, not on the money side, but the day/night/weekend trips side of it.

Things have gotten worse since last year when his friend split with his wife, he doesn't bother with his children and lives a single mans life, constantly persuading DH to do things, where bikes are concerned anyway. It won't be long before DH wants to sell the car and get a bike instead.

cheepskate_2

There is a lot more to it than you are putting down here. You had an argument, now he says everythings to be split???

He has paid for xxx amount of years and now wont. The basis of your argument will tell you what will happen next


XXXX see we crossposted, the answer may be in your last post. It looks like money issue may be secondary issue and is a symptom of what is wrong.

ciderwithrosie_2

How old are the children, are they at school? and what hours does your OH work - would some hours working in the evenings be possible for you? what type of work did you do BK (before kids)?

He is being unreasonable of course, if you both agreed to you being a SAHM he can't now move the goalposts because it doesn't work with the lifestyle he thinks he should be having. It's not like you spend the tax credit and child benefit on yourself is it?

However, having said all that a small bit of me can see how frustrating it gets to be working full-time just to pay the bills and not get any 'perks' yourself as it were. I've been earning more than my OH for a good few years now but I don't get to keep the difference to myself, it all goes into the family pot. On a couple of occasions I've had to remind OH of this when he's whinged about having to spend some of his yearly bonus on a new washing machine or something.

At the moment, everyone is having to tighten their belts financially, we seem to have less and less money to live on each month, the food bill has gone up again and we don't buy anything luxurious. So I think your OH is going to have to scrimp and save for his trips away so that it doesn't affect the family finances and not expect you to find money you haven't got. Can you set up a spreadsheet of income and outgoings so you can discuss it rationally with the facts in black and white?

POPPYOSCAR

MrsNorthman wrote: »

He won't do that, he considers tax credits and child benefit my income as it gets paid into my account. He doesn't want me to have any claim over his income whatsoever.

This would ring alarm bells to me.