DH wants to split bills now.

MrsNorthman

globetraveller wrote: »

I am wondering what he would say if he got the chance to add his bit here. Is there more to this? Is he feeling that you are not good with money? Has he perhaps taken away your ability to access his account because he is worried about money? Is he feeling depressed about his life?

He probably is feeling depressed about his life, not being good enough.

I don't think I'm not good with money, I've posted above about the debt, yes I shouldn't have let the debt get as high as it did, but I also didn't expect DH to get ill.

**Patty**

MrsNorthman wrote: »

So I take it my daughter isn't allowed a birthday?

No one is saying that. You're being defensive.

People are questioning the appropriateness of spending £70 on a 5 year olds birthday when by your own admission, you are *minimum wage people*

marisco_2

MrsNorthman wrote: »

we had an argument and he decided that I am no longer allowed access to his bank account, he will pay his half of the bills and his money will be his.

I dont know the guy but I think his knee jerk reaction to how you organise your finances, after having had an argument, is out of order. He is treating you as if you are sat at home on your butt all day not contributing to family life and now have to support yourself.

Did he actually use the term 'not allowed access to his bank account'? I think you need to have a really open and honest chat with him. Remind him that you are doing the most important job in the world by raising children you had together. It would cost him a fortune to pay towards the costs of chidlcare if you were not there to do it. What about everything else you do like running the home, washing, ironing, shopping, cooking and cleaning. All the little mundane things that make family life tick along and makes his life comfy and easy.

I am all for shared responsibility and contributing as equally as you can in a relationship. I think it is naive and short sighted of him to see that in purely monetary terms though.

CH27

MrsNorthman wrote: »

Unfortunately we don't have a spare room.

Im not interested in money, I don't care about it, I just want what's best for us as a family, he said the reason we didn't have a holiday this year was because I didn't book one, we couldn't afford the deposit so how could I book one, something always comes up.
We have had one day trip this year as a family and we had to take a packup as we literally had no spending money. The only thing I argued about was that I thought he was being selfish, not on the money side, but the day/night/weekend trips side of it.

Things have gotten worse since last year when his friend split with his wife, he doesn't bother with his children and lives a single mans life, constantly persuading DH to do things, where bikes are concerned anyway. It won't be long before DH wants to sell the car and get a bike instead.

I think this is the key to it all.

Ask him straight if he wants to be married or single. He cannot have the best of both worlds.

MrsNorthman

marisco wrote: »

I dont know the guy but I think his knee jerk reaction to how you organise your finances, after having had an argument, is out of order. He is treating you as if you are sat at home on your butt all day not contributing to family life and now have to support yourself.

Did he actually use the term 'not allowed access to his bank account'? I think you need to have a really open and honest chat with him. Remind him that you are doing the most important job in the world by raising children you had together. It would cost him a fortune to pay towards the costs of chidlcare if you were not there to do it. What about everything else you do like running the home, washing, ironing, shopping, cooking and cleaning. All the little mundane things that make family life tick along and makes his life comfy and easy.

I am all for shared responsibility and contributing as equally as you can in a relationship. I think it is naive and short sighted of him to see that in purely monetary terms though.

He said he was going to get onto his bank and have all his login and pin numbers changed so I can't have access anymore and that he will pay his half of the bills and the rest will be his.

ruby-roo_2

MrsNorthman wrote: »

Things have gotten worse since last year when his friend split with his wife, he doesn't bother with his children and lives a single mans life, constantly persuading DH to do things, where bikes are concerned anyway.

I hate to say it but I think the last of your concerns are money. There were a few things you wrote in your OP that made me question your husbands focus and commitment to family life. I dont think you and the kids are his priority any more. I get the distinct impression that he is watching his friend carry on in an irresponsible way and seeing it as the easy option. You know him best of course and I apologise in advance if I have got all this wrong. I hope I have for your sake.

MrsNorthman

**Patty** wrote: »

No one is saying that. You're being defensive.

People are questioning the appropriateness of spending £70 on a 5 year olds birthday when by your own admission, you are *minimum wage people*

I'm sorry but I am feeling the need to be defensive. I came here to ask how you split everything and I'm being questioned about why we spent £70 on my daughter for her birthday. I still don't see what it's got to do with it, we saved for it.

MrsNorthman

CH27 wrote: »

I think this is the key to it all.

Ask him straight if he wants to be married or single. He cannot have the best of both worlds.

I have mentioned this in the past and he completely disagrees. He says he's entitled to go away to watch bikes every so often and went on about how some men go away every weekend and have bikes and that their wives don't complain.

littlemissbossy

MrsNorthman wrote: »

He said he was going to get onto his bank and have all his login and pin numbers changed so I can't have access anymore and that he will pay his half of the bills and the rest will be his.

This doesn't sound much like "marriage" (did you say you were married?). My husband earns much more than I do, but I still get up for work every day, 9 til 3.30, shop, cook and clean. I'd be gutted if my hubby said this to me.

Hope you get things sorted cause this just isn't on!

*winter*

ruby-roo wrote: »

I hate to say it but I think the last of your concerns are money. There were a few things you wrote in your OP that made me question your husbands focus and commitment to family life. I dont think you and the kids are his priority any more. I get the distinct impression that he is watching his friend carry on in an irresponsible way and seeing it as the easy option.

I hate to say this, but this is exactly the same road my husband and I went down last year...His hobbies, including wanting a motorbike again, took up so much of his time, he barely had any left...except for cutting the grass, funnily. We had to, eventually, pencil in when he would spend a day with the family; even our holiday revolved around him and he didn't even come on it! Enough was had when I found out he was having an affair.
I had to match half our bills on my part time wage while he earnt two thirds more than me...then never did anything in the house etc. He even said child minder bills were my responsibilty if I wanted to work longer hours...I suggest speaking to him, but even when I did it didn't make much difference.