DH wants to split bills now.

Cyril

Seanymph wrote: »

Are you barking?

Do you know what 24 hour childcare, a housekeeper and a cleaner would cost him!

Lovely, he gets to work, guilt free, come home to a cooked meal, AND keep all his money. Bloody hell, I'll come and live with you.

You are busy doing the right thing and he is looking after number one and dropping on you from a great height.

Don't be so bloomin lovely - tell him you are married, partners, in it together - and what's his is yours.

At last someone with some common sense.

It never ceases to amaze me why women are with idiots like this tbh.
Why settle for so little, aren't you worth more ?

Tommelise

minniemaus1970 wrote: »

there is always 2 sides to a story, but we only hear one......


OP - you're BOTH at at fault and both are right!

These are age old arguements and they happen in 99 percent of relationships where money is tight

You also need to learn that just because you spend money on the kids doesn't mean it's 'your sacrifice' it was your choice to sell goods and buy your daughter a tablet, or purchasing treats. There is a big difference between 'wants' and NEEDS.

there is some great help on here with budgets and debts that will help you BOTH.
MM

What Minni said - Minnie I wish I would be able to thank your post more than once

minniemaus1970

thanks Tommelise

MM

thehappybutterfly

Tommelise wrote: »

What Minni said - Minnie I wish I would be able to thank your post more than once

Yep, my post was way harsh. I wish I could be a bit less judgemental sometimes. And a bit more at other times!:rotfl:

rorelain

Having read all of the comments on here (well 98% of the anyway), I think minnie has been the only one that has actually put things into some perspective and not run the poor woman down.
Yes, she has debts, and yes, so has he, and if I read correctly, they were mainly accumulated before they married,(although it is not specified if they had bad debts when they met), and so what if for once they want to save up for a YEAR and get their lovely daughter an expensive (but not a needed) gift for her birthday! fer Crying out its not a crime, just something silly, and if she hadnt had mentioned it, no one would have been the wiser and been so critical about it!

to the OP:
It may have been a heat of the moment thing, who knows how this argument started, and maybe it has been coming for a long time, with the debts you both have, but you are a couple now, who, I am presuming are still loving each other, so things arent as bad as they seem. As many have said, you DO need to both sit down and get things organized,
Get list of all debts you both owe, and all you BOTH have coming in on a sheet of paper, including wages, tax credits, any other awards , utitlies, debts, etc. see what you are paying out for them all, and see what is left over afterwards, and then BOTH of you allow yourselves a small, equal amount of spendng money (if available) for a rare treat,
or if theres not much left in the pot, then take turns, one week (or month) he can go have a fun day out with the lads, the next, you can go have fun, pamper yourself or treat the kids. even if its a tenner, it will be worth it.

If your OH still wishes to have joint accounts, then let it be so. But he will, as the wage earner,(even if he is off sick and still gets his SSP)still have to have the bills come out of his account, which will probably leave him less to play with than he thinks!

MrsNorthman

I would like to thank some of the last few posts for their understanding and support, rather than bashing.

A lot has happened over the last few days, things are getting better, bankruptcy has been put on hold, a lot of jobs have come up over the weekend and having replied to all of them I'm hopeful of finding something, I've also signed up for a training course through my local council which fits in with school hours. As I said I have two children aged 5 and 3, the 5 year old is in full time the 3 year old starts nursery tomorrow (8.30-11.30) and will start full time next year, for those who misunderstood.

DH has apologised for taking himself away so much (3 times is a lot considering he never used to go) when the rest of us have had nothing. He said what he said was in heat of the moment but he felt like he couldn't go back on himself after he had said it. I would just like to point out that he goes to the bikers cafe every week so it's not like I'm trying to keep him locked up all the time, I do appreciate he needs his time, but so do I, even if it's as a family.

I wasn't the one who mentioned the tablet, another poster had gone through my posts on previous threads and decided to mention on here that I had bought my daughter a tablet.

As some people have mentioned, I do actually want to deal with my debts, going bankrupt isn't something I chose lightly, or something I wanted to do, we have decided to give it a few more months and if can find a job we are going to work at paying our debts off ourselves.

When we first met I had £100 on a catalogue and DH had £500 on a card but we paid these off before we moved in together, so like I said the debt is what we have jointly made up but in separate names.

We are going to cary on financially as we are, but we are going to start budgeting more, I'll be honest, I've never put down clothes or DHs lunch money on my weekly IAE, we have both gone through all this and decided together what goes where. It is all in a book that both of us can look at whenever.

Some of the above comments are in response to posts made since I've last been on as there are so many I couldn't respond to every single one.

kj*daisy

Glad you managed to talk and have worked out a way forward, hope it works out for you and good luck with the job applications :-)