DH wants to split bills now.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

MrsNorthman wrote: »

She hasn't signed the tenancy agreement yet as we are still waiting for the previous tenant to leave. Dh is very pally with his boss and if he said let me live there instead he would.

Unless his boss has a sideline in drug dealer enforcement, there's nothing that can be done once that agreement is signed.

So, if it does go ahead and you then leave him, he won't be able to hurt you through them. Although, I suspect if you were to talk to your sister and say that he is threatening to make her homeless if you don't always do what he commands, she'd likely be disappointed but tell you that he and his boss could stick the house where the sun don't shine. Nobody wants their sister in an abusive situation to stay there out of fear of what he's going to do to them.

Not to mention that the boss is more likely to actually run things legitimately through a lettings agency, as personal connections and landlord work don't mix very well. And they don't like being told to break the law.





You aren't trapped. He's just trying to exert control. Once you take that away from him, he's nothing.



Don't flounce off in a huff, see the solicitor and work out your plan to precision.


and good luck.

ViolaLass

Has your husband actually threatened to stop your sister getting the house or are you just worried that he might?

CH27

MrsNorthman wrote: »

I would like to make it clear husband has no concerns about the debt, hes always rathered putting it off to have spare cash.
His comment of removing access to his account was a reaction to me calling him selfish for going away again.
I'm a little fed up of being put in a bad light today.

It's can be difficult to face up to your faults when someone points them out.

thegirlintheattic

So let's get this straight, all this has come about because you two have had an argument because you were annoyed that he was going away for a few days a year? He's put his foot down and said he can spend his spare money the way he wants and has blocked you from his account.

In all likelyhood this will all blow over, especially considering you had a good agreement re:money to start with, and you didn't mention leaving him in your original post.

If it does it might be time to sit down and work out your money issues. It's clear you are both bad with money and both have different priorities for your cash. I'd also seriously reconsider bankruptcy, it might be that now he sees the end in sight re:his debts he does not want you ruining his credit score by declaring BR.

Ada_Doom

Many people spend a lot more than £70 on their children's birthday. Many spend less. OP, you do not have to answer to a bunch of strangers on the internet as to how you spend your money.

I cannot imagine how the scenario your husband has proposed would work. Me and my husband both work full time, and are near the end of a DMP that has seen us paying the majority of my husbands wages to our debts for the last 4 years. It is sometimes very dull and frustating towork so hard and not be able to spend on things we want, but we get through it because we now the end is in sight and we will be debt free in 2013. And we support each other, and give each other little pep talks when one of us is flagging. I feel the need to let my hair down more than he does, so we budget every month for me to have a night out when I can get !!!!ed and dance with my friends, and this keeps me sane!


You need to talk to your husband, and sort out your debts. And you should both be part of the solution because surely a marriage is like a team? You are on the same side after all. Hope things look better for you both tomorrow.

meritaten

I am with madison. Your OH agreed for you to be a SAHM. that meant that he is the breadwinner. you provide a necessary service for which other people would be paid if you went out to work (its surprising that it doesnt actually pay some mums to work - as the cost of childcare is so high).

I would sit down and tot up how much childcare you provide, look up hourly rates. how much an ironing service would cost, a cleaner service etc - then present him with the bill for YOUR services! what an AAArse he is being! how the dickens does he think you can pay half the bills with no income??????? does he not understand basic economics? No money = no bills paid!

mikey72

Seriously.

A row over money and the advice is down to the solicitors tomorrow?

"For better or worse, in sickness and in health"

This is a worse time. (And a sickness one as well from what you've said)

So sit down, talk, shout, row, whatever, then on Monday, do it again.
Until you fix it.

Unless the solicitor will pay you, and two houses are cheaper than one, how does it help?

Or give him a bill for your services by all means. Just hope he doesn't then decide to shop around for a cheaper quote.

Fire_Fox

How did this get from separating finances to separating in a few hours? Was there a showdown or are you being a drama queen?

The sister problem is simple. Keep on trucking until that tenancy agreement is signed which I assume is only a couple of weeks. If it is longer your sister has plenty of time to find alternative accommodation.

Money_maker

MrsNorthman wrote: »

He isn't in a job that makes him ill, his illness is the reason he can't do the good paying job, which is why he's in a low paying job.

If he want to separate the finances, he'd better hope he doesn't succumb to this illness in his low paying job. Reckon a dose of SSP may change his mind about keeping finances separate.

You have my sympathies, OP although I feel there is another side to this. I'm all for the blokes having their hobbies but away every weekend when you have little ones is taking the biscuit. You are either a strong family unit - or not.

thegirlintheattic

Money_maker wrote: »

You have my sympathies, OP although I feel there is another side to this. I'm all for the blokes having their hobbies but away every weekend when you have little ones is taking the biscuit. You are either a strong family unit - or not.

The OP says he has been away three times, once for a day, once for a weekend and once overnight. Bit different to every weekend; and is what I'd consider to be a healthy break. I have a feeling if this thread had been a woman saying her partner had started an argument with her over her going out without the family THREE times, paid for by his half of the spending money, people would be jumping in with it's abuse, controlling etc.