DH wants to split bills now.

inspirespirit

Could you go to a friend's house for the weekend next weekend? Go on the Friday night and don't come back until Monday night. Let him deal with everything alone for that time and he will also have to sort out childcare for the Monday. That might make him think again. Don't shop or get any meals ready. He is a grown man...with money... let him sort the lot.

Sooki

I hate to say it, but this would be alarm bells for me too!

Weekends away and being told what I could spend, I'd also want to know why he is so defensive about the bank account! Mind you I would feel annoyed and distrusted if every penny was being accounted for and I'd think I'd want a bit of space.
Maybe things were just said in the heat of the moment.
Have you got a friend you havent seen for a while that you can go and stop with next weekend, it might focus his mind a bit if you start acting the same as him and leave him home at home minding the children.

madison-nyc

I've got to ask OP , is there or has there been any violence in your relationship? he sounds very controlling indeed. asking permission to buy things for YOUR children?! I hope you can see that isn't how it should be.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

My opinion?


Solicitor's office Monday morning.

Unfortunately, this sounds as though he wanted an excuse to hide things and to separate you from his income. Alarm bells galore.

Person_one

This is financial abuse. No ifs or buts.

http://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic_violence_topic.asp?section=0001000100220049&sectionTitle=Financial+abuse

Do not let this him do this to you.

MrsNorthman

He thinks I'm only bothered about money, I don't care about money, I'm going bankrupt as soon as I can raise the fees, money means nothing to me, as long as we can get the essentials that's all that matters, but he wants to have money spare every week, just incase. He doesn't like that I've been using a bit each week to start getting Xmas presents for the kids as its eating into the extra pennies, but he doesn't want me to not get them, I cant win.

DS will be going to nursery on Thursday but the hours are 8.30-11.30. Which doesn't leave me much time for work as I have to drop DD off at 9.
I have done English and maths courses last year through my sure start center, any other courses cost me money I don't have, I can't get help with these costs due to DHs income. I have been to my local council about help with training for work but the hours they offer training courses are the hours I have my son, we don't live local to family and don't have any good friends to look after DS during these times as we haven't lived here that long. I'm honestly not avoiding it, I have tried every path I could find, but until DS is in full time there's not a great deal I can do, even working nights will be awkward due to DHs hours. I'm not picky with a job, I'll do anything.

I have even considered asking DH to leave, we have had a few arguments lately, money and his drinking, he used to have 5-6 cans a night but we sorted that out. Him leaving wouldn't be an option now as he got my sister a house to rent through his boss and if I tell DH to leave he will take the house and leave my sister homeless. Not that I want us to separate, he's not always an idiot, it's just lately.

No he's never hit me, I wouldn't stand for that and have no problems standing up for myself.

I think the problem is he's jealous of what his friends have, one of them dumps the kids on grandparents every weekend and the other has nothing to do with his kids, he's not bothered about going out boozing it up, but when it comes to bikes, he has to be there, he was only going to go for today but because his friend was there telling him he should come the day before for a booze up too he just had to go, he's been saying all week that he wasnt even sure he was going to go for the day, then Friday night he come home and announced he's going Saturday aswell (he does this a lot).

Maybe he said he wants me to have nothing to do with his finances in the heat of the moment, but I'm following it through, I want him to realise just how easy he has it right now, he has never had to pay a bill in the last 10 years, I do everything, I set up his car insurance, pay his bills, the lot, I even have to fill in any job applications he brings home, well no more.

He's honestly not a horrible person all of the time, he's just become rather selfish in the last year.

balletshoes

if you think he needs a wake-up call (doesn't sound like a bad idea to me in the circumstances) get all his specific paperwork together, the bills he'd be responsible for in his preferred split of the household expenses, with a list of when the bill needs to be renewed, and tell him its now up to him to sort them out, as from right now. Tell him he'll need to set up new direct debits etc as appropriate, and if any of them currently come out of your account, that he's only got til the end of this month to do it, because you'll be stopping them from your account from the beginning of October.

It does sound to me like he doesn't realise what he's got at home, grass is greener mentality.

eta - the impending bankruptcy may be affecting your OH's though process too though. If you live together, his income will have an effect on whether you get an IPA following your bankruptcy application, so it might not be any easier on the pair of you, financially, once you are bankrupt, in the short term.

samtoby

Just because you don't have a paid job doesn't mean you don't have a job - you have more than a full time job - your access to the account is your right. You are married, you made children together so he can share. x

balletshoes

samtoby wrote: »

Just because you don't have a paid job doesn't mean you don't have a job - you have more than a full time job -
your access to the account is your right.
You are married, you made children together so he can share. x

now you see, I've never agreed with that. I'm married, have been for years, we have a child together, but we've never shared bank accounts. We have had our own accounts and then paid a similar amount each into a joint account, we each had access to that account. But I don't have a card for my OH's account, and he doesn't have a card for mine.

MrsNorthman

balletshoes wrote: »

if you think he needs a wake-up call (doesn't sound like a bad idea to me in the circumstances) get all his specific paperwork together, the bills he'd be responsible for in his preferred split of the household expenses, with a list of when the bill needs to be renewed, and tell him its now up to him to sort them out, as from right now. Tell him he'll need to set up new direct debits etc as appropriate, and if any of them currently come out of your account, that he's only got til the end of this month to do it, because you'll be stopping them from your account from the beginning of October.

It does sound to me like he doesn't realise what he's got at home, grass is greener mentality.

This is what I think tbh, I do everything, he works so I do everything else, everything in the house, I deal with all finances, the only thing he has to do is cut the grass.

He needs to knock this jealousy with his mates on the head, he goes on at them how he can't do this that and the other as he has responsabilities as a parent but then he will swing it some way so he gets to go, like the reason he told everyone he couldn't go for the weekend was because Dd had a party to go to yesterday, But in the end he had the car ready, brought us home from the party then left.