DH wants to split bills now.

meer53

My advice would be to make a list of all your outgoings, how much you have coming in and sit down and discuss it with your husband. Then decide who gets what. You're a family, if he wants to live as a single man, your relationship is in trouble. It's not just money that needs sorting out.

Seanymph

Are you barking?

Do you know what 24 hour childcare, a housekeeper and a cleaner would cost him!

Lovely, he gets to work, guilt free, come home to a cooked meal, AND keep all his money. Bloody hell, I'll come and live with you.

You are busy doing the right thing and he is looking after number one and dropping on you from a great height.

Don't be so bloomin lovely - tell him you are married, partners, in it together - and what's his is yours.

MrsNorthman

ciderwithrosie wrote: »

How old are the children, are they at school? and what hours does your OH work - would some hours working in the evenings be possible for you? what type of work did you do BK (before kids)?

He is being unreasonable of course, if you both agreed to you being a SAHM he can't now move the goalposts because it doesn't work with the lifestyle he thinks he should be having. It's not like you spend the tax credit and child benefit on yourself is it?

However, having said all that a small bit of me can see how frustrating it gets to be working full-time just to pay the bills and not get any 'perks' yourself as it were. I've been earning more than my OH for a good few years now but I don't get to keep the difference to myself, it all goes into the family pot. On a couple of occasions I've had to remind OH of this when he's whinged about having to spend some of his yearly bonus on a new washing machine or something.

At the moment, everyone is having to tighten their belts financially, we seem to have less and less money to live on each month, the food bill has gone up again and we don't buy anything luxurious. So I think your OH is going to have to scrimp and save for his trips away so that it doesn't affect the family finances and not expect you to find money you haven't got. Can you set up a spreadsheet of income and outgoings so you can discuss it rationally with the facts in black and white?

I have a book where I keep all income and outgoing listed, it's been worked out up till the end of the year, I've showed him it and every week tell him what's to be paid and what we have left.

The kids are 3 and 5, DS will start full time school next year so there will be no need for me to be at home and I'll have more opportunities when it comes to working hours. I used to work in an office, just a general dogs body, nothing special. I have honestly tried my hardest to find a job to fit in with his hours, I don't even get replies.

I don't spend any money on me, if I buy the kids anything I speak to DH first.

globetraveller

If you can't work because the kids need childcare, why not find a weekend job? OH can look after them then. Tell him thats what you are going to look for and see how he reacts to that.
On a serious note- you need to be looking for a job as you need some security for the future. Start planning now for what might happen. There are so many folks here that can give you advice on what to do now.

HappyMJ

MrsNorthman wrote: »

He won't do that, he considers tax credits and child benefit my income as it gets paid into my account. He doesn't want me to have any claim over his income whatsoever.

Your children have a claim on his income. 2 kids means at least 20% of his income must be spent on the kids.....as well as rent/mortgage and the bills and paying you to stay at home to look after them. As I said earlier splitting expenses straight down the middle can not work fairly. If he earns more your tax credits go down so he should be at the very least be topping you and your children up to the maximum tax credits amounts before splitting expenses. It gets very confusing. If you earn money your tax cedits are taken away as well almost pound for pound when tax and child care is taken into account so it makes it not very worthwhile taking a job unless you have no childcare expenses to make such as free care provided by relatives or the age of the kids.

onlyroz

If he's going to be an a*se about this then call his bluff. Stop spending *any* of your money on him - so no petrol for his car, no packed lunches, no laundry. And then switch to beans on toast every day for dinner. When any of this is questioned, smile sweetly and say that's all you could afford.

Also, are you claiming the free 15 hours nursery for your 3-year-old? This would enable you to do some work each week, in preparation for when your kids are all at school and you can increase your hours further. Have you also considered doing some studying, to gain some further qualifications?

cutestkids

I think you really need to take a long hard look at your marriage and where it is heading.

You need to sit down and talk without arguing, make him aware of the monthly budget, what needs to be paid and what is left.

He needs to grow up and decide if he wants to be married or single.

madison-nyc

I'm sorry to sound blunt but is this not ringing alarm bells to you OP? there must be more to this surely. I'd tell him to do one , what a bizzare thing for him to come up with?! your married with kids for goodness sake , one household , one pot of money in my eyes. I was a sahm for 5 years before starting back to work and would never have dreamt of sepearting money and me managing on the child benefit and bit of tax credits , no chance! As a previous poster said , I think you need to be looking at the bigger picture of what's going on here and what's happening with your marriage because this doesn't sound right at all.

meer53

MrsNorthman wrote: »

I have a book where I keep all income and outgoing listed, it's been worked out up till the end of the year, I've showed him it and every week tell him what's to be paid and what we have left.

The kids are 3 and 5, DS will start full time school next year so there will be no need for me to be at home and I'll have more opportunities when it comes to working hours. I used to work in an office, just a general dogs body, nothing special. I have honestly tried my hardest to find a job to fit in with his hours, I don't even get replies.

I don't spend any money on me, if I buy the kids anything I speak to DH first.

Your husband has you right where HE wants you. He's controlling you, i hope you can see that. You need to assert yourself, for your childrens sake, if this is how he's acting now, things can only go one way really.

This is not just about money, i hope you can see this too. Why do you need to speak to him first to buy stuff for your kids ?

If i were you, i'd be making plans, and he wouldn't be included in them. Sorry if that sounds blunt, but i recognise the signs.

thegirlintheattic

I am a bit confused as to how you have got to this point, when you've always split your money before.