DH wants to split bills now.

DUTR

MrsNorthman wrote: »

Bit of a back story, been together 10 years, married 8, 2 children, I haven't worked since I got pregnant with 2nd child, tried finding work but nothing come up that we could work around, as childcare would take my entire wage, DH says he is happy for me to be a sahm. The entire time we have been together, money has always been put together, bills paid then what's left is ours.

This year we haven't been able to have a family holiday (usually one through The Sun paper), but DH has managed to take himself away to watch bike racing 3 times now, 1st time a day trip, 2nd a full weekend and now an over night stay. He got a bonus this week and we put all the money together, split in half, he took his for his trip and mine is for a few bits DD needs, some bits of food, DHs lunches during week and petrol if he needs it, we had an argument and he decided that I am no longer allowed access to his bank account, he will pay his half of the bills and his money will be his.

I am now sorting through all of this but I'm wondering what happens with certain things, do we split bills according to income, mine being tax credits and child benefit, do I refuse to pay towards the car? What happens for birthday and Xmas gifts etc. and the biggy, what happens with childcare when I get a job, he won't want to pay half of it from his money so I can go earn some money.

Any advice would be appreciated.

Not advice as such, I have not gone through every reply, but it reads to me that either he is having a mid life whatever or worse still having an affair :eek:

MrsNorthman

No I honestly don't think he's having an affair

SavingPennies_2

MrsNorthman wrote: »

He thinks I'm only bothered about money, I don't care about money, I'm going bankrupt as soon as I can raise the fees, money means nothing to me, as long as we can get the essentials that's all that matters, but he wants to have money spare every week, just incase.

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Playing devils advocate...maybe this is at the root of the problem, I can see why he would be fed up of working and want to seperate his finances if this is your attitude towards money. Maybe you should discuss how you are going to resolve your debts together and draw up a spending plan.

MrsNorthman

What I was getting at is that it doesn't bother me if we are left with nothing, I'm happy either way, he always makes a big deal if we don't have any money, whereas I'm just glad we can cover our bills. Yes in an ideal world, we would have money left over for trips, new carpets, or just to buy us all a treat every so often, but we don't have that sort of money and probably won't ever, we are minimum wage people. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life when I left school and so I am paying for it now, any qualifications would now cost me money I don't have, DH is trained to earn a lot more than he does, but that job also makes him I'll which results in him being on sick for six months at a time. I could waste the rest of my life whinging about what I don't have and what I could have but I'd rather be happy with what I do have.

He has always had input with the incoming and outgoings, there really isn't much leeway, either the bills get paid or they don't. He is happy with the plan of me going bankrupt.

pollypenny

He needs his eyes opened, as do you OP.

You are spending what he calls 'your money' on lunches for him, on clothes for the children etc. That is housekeeping!

You need to budget together and get real.

ViolaLass

MrsNorthman wrote: »

Yes I have an iPad, I sold some of my items to pay for it, it didn't come out of the weekly money and it's not brand new. I don't own a computer or a laptop the iPad is it, for everyone in the house, but my daughter wanted her own.

She's 5! Why on earth does she need her own?

If he's spending 'his' share of the money on having fun, why are you spending 'yours' on his lunches and on the children? That stuff should be being paid for before anything leftover is shared out.

MrsNorthman

ViolaLass wrote: »

She's 5! Why on earth does she need her own?

If he's spending 'his' share of the money on having fun, why are you spending 'yours' on his lunches and on the children? That stuff should be being paid for before anything leftover is shared out.

She doesn't have an iPad, she has a tablet, it cost £70 I had saved for it as it was for her birthday.

ViolaLass

MrsNorthman wrote: »

She doesn't have an iPad, she has a tablet, it cost £70 I had saved for it as it was for her birthday.

You 'don't care about money'.

You will be 'going bankrupt as soon as you can raise the money' (while spending £70 on a tablet for a 5 year old).

You have debts of £19k.

You don't think having money left over at the end of the month is important or worth stressing about.

Your husband sounds difficult but I don't think I could live with you either.

globetraveller

I am wondering what he would say if he got the chance to add his bit here. Is there more to this? Is he feeling that you are not good with money? Has he perhaps taken away your ability to access his account because he is worried about money? Is he feeling depressed about his life?

MrsNorthman

ViolaLass wrote: »

You 'don't care about money'.
I've spent a lot of time in the past worrying about money, been through a lot of difficult financial situations, I am not spending anymore time wasted on worrying about not having enough money.

You will be 'going bankrupt as soon as you can raise the money' (while spending £70 on a tablet for a 5 year old).
Yes, my daughters birthday was few months back, the decision to go bankrupt was made a few weeks ago.

You have debts of £19k.
Your point is?, this debt is from before the kids were born, I was paying it off, DH got ill, I fell behind, entered an iva when DH was well enough then he got ill again and the iva failed, I was trying to pay it off myself but the debts are being passed on and on all the time, with new demands being made every month

You don't think having money left over at the end of the month is important or worth stressing about.
I don't let it bother me anymore, why should I have to get stressed about money all the time?

Your husband sounds difficult but I don't think I could live with you either.

So I take it my daughter isn't allowed a birthday?