General lack of respect for eachother

snowmaid

Snaggles wrote: »

I quite like it when hubby calls me 'the wife' - I find it cute because I know he doesn't mean it in a disrespectful way. If he meant it in a demeaning way I would feel a WHOLE lot different! He only ever does it in fun though.

Sometimes he says 'get me a beer, wench' too, just for a laugh......

(I don't get him one, needless to say )

If you know that your hubby is referring to you in an affectionate, tender humorous way, there is nothing wrong with that. One can normally tell.

Snaggles

Voyager2002 wrote: »

You mentioned that you each have 'pocket money' which could take care of these situations, but you need to spend a lot of time working out what things are to be bought out of common funds, what out of 'pocket money'. And you probably end up with some pretty complicated accounting systems.

We haven't really spent very much time on the question of who buys what out of which account, and we don't have a complicated system of accounting either - I suppose if, as a couple you had very different attitudes to money, it could end up that way, but for us, it just works. We've been together for 10 years, so are pretty much in tune.

Snaggles

If he knows you genuinely don't like it, and have asked him to stop, then yes, I would find it a bit disrespectful.

PS: You don't sound like some mad thing lol.....I have any number of pet hates (microwaves, cotton wool....I wont go on :rolleyes:) that would make me sound a bit crazy!

Acc72

snowmaid wrote: »

I believe that if a couple have committed to be together then everything is 'pooled', no matter who earns what?!?! *ducking*.

I guess it depends on the specific couple.

There is usually one who is more thrifty than the other, and there is usually one who earns more than the other.

Problems may arise when the lower earner also happens to be the biggest spender !!

Dan_Thunder

snowmaid wrote: »

But, if we ladies want respect, we have to do our part:

1. Don't roll around drunk in the name of 'equality' - rather keep our dignity and wits about us.
2. Insist a guy fetch and take you - insist on general respect.
3. Graciously let a guy open a door for you - it doesn't make you less a person, but rather shows a respect for eachother.
4. If we are going to act like sl@gs we will be treated as such.
5. If a guy wants to take you on a date, let him pay. Let him have some self respect.
6. If a guy offers you a seat on a train, don't be rude, but rather say thankyou and smile instead of taking his head off.
7. Let your guy know that as long as you are both holding full day jobs, you will each do an equal amount of work at home.
8. Dress modestly and smartly. If you dress like a t@art I'm afraid you will be treated like one. :rolleyes: You can still be sexy with everything covered.
8. Don't lose your self respect by being foul mouthed around people, rather keep your dignity and insist that guys don't use bad language around you and that they show you respect.

We need to get general respect back for ourselves and one another. I don't know what others feel and maybe you will think this old fashioned, but I feel that if people begin to be courteous and respectful towards themselves as well as eachother, we will all be much happier.

Ahhhhhhaaaaaaaaahhhhhha-ha-ha-ha-haaaaaaaa!........Wait, you're serious!?

I'm sorry but I have massive problems with that list. I've deliberately missed out the men's list because that was so ridiculously, grossly generalised that it's nigh-on insulting!

Anyway, if I can offer my thoughts on the list of women's things:

1) - Getting hammered isn't about being treated as an equal, it's about going out and getting steaming drunk. I don't know any woman who goes out to get drunk because she wants equality with men.

2) - Insisting someone fetch you and take you home isn't going to get you any respect. If my WIFE said that to me she'd be dumped so fast her feet wouldn't touch the floor on the way out! She can ask me and 99.9% of the time I'll be happy to do it, but to insist on it will at best get her laughed at.

3) - Fair enough, I'd argue it shows courtesy rather than respect but it's not really an issue either way.

4) - Again I'm not gonna argue this, if you act like a tool then you've no-one to blame but yourself for how you're perceived.

5) - Why in the name of all that is Holy would me paying for a meal make me respect myself!? If I offer to pay fair enough, but don't automatically assume that I want to out of some misguided interpretation of being respectful to my partner. If a woman asks a man out should the man let her pay for everything so she feels good about herself?

6) - Agreed

7) - Agreed

8) - Surely dressing to appeal 'non-tarty' to men is just another way of making yourself attractive to them? Again, I'm not sure what this has to do with respect.

9) - Fairly subjective that one, I can see why some people don't like swearing but, personally speaking, I like a woman who doesn't mind plain speaking. I'd rather that than someone who tries to mould themselves to what they think other people would like.

The most important thing is that respect has to be earnt, it can never be demanded or insisted upon.

snowmaid

Acc72 wrote: »

I guess it depends on the specific couple.

There is usually one who is more thrifty than the other, and there is usually one who earns more than the other.

Problems may arise when the lower earner also happens to be the biggest spender !!

Oh for sure there are situations like that and it must be a nightmare. Thankfully hubby and I are in tune and respect eachother enough not to do so. People think I am asking my hubby for permission when I say I will first find out from him if I can buy something which may cost a bit. I am certainly not asking permission, but rather considering and respecting him and the fact that he also has a say. Visa versa. Friends of his laugh at him when he says he will quickly find out something from me, saying I have him on a leash. This is so untrue, he just acknowledges that we have a partnership and my feelings need to be considered, but then we have been married 15 years...:rolleyes:

Snaggles

That's a good point actually, I sometimes feel awkward saying to people 'I'll check with hubby', because I feel like they will think I have to ask permission to do things. I don't, I just like to discuss big decisions with him, because I value his opinion, and he does the same. And I do suffer a bit with low self esteem, so it's reassuring to hear him say 'Oh, that's a good idea' (I sound pathetic now don't I? )

nickyhutch

Why should a man let me take a seat just because I'm a woman? Can women not stand up for long periods of time? Get real.

I hold the door open for whoever is behind me, regardless of their sex, and would expect whoever is in front of me to hold it open for me, again regardless of their sex.

I always stand up if there are only a few seats left so that people who need them more than I do can sit down. Men OR women.

If a man asked me on a date I wouldn't want him to pick me up and drop me off - I wouldn't want someone I didn't know well knowing where I lived. I'd let him know I got home safe, just as I'd check he had too, and just as I'd check ANY friend I'd been out with had got home safe.

I'm no feminist, and understand the limitations of both sexes, but respect anyone for what they are.

Money wise, everything's pooled.

My OH calls me allsorts, and I return the compliment :-)

snowmaid

Snaggles wrote: »

That's a good point actually, I sometimes feel awkward saying to people 'I'll check with hubby', because I feel like they will think I have to ask permission to do things. I don't, I just like to discuss big decisions with him, because I value his opinion, and he does the same. And I do suffer a bit with low self esteem, so it's reassuring to hear him say 'Oh, that's a good idea' (I sound pathetic now don't I? )

No, you most certainly DON'T sound pathetic at all. You have my admiration! If you are in a relationship, it is only respectful to the other to consider their opinion / feelings. That is what a relationship is about. Hubby and I never do anything (or very little) without the other knowing, not because we report to one another, but because we care for and respect eachother enough to let them know or ask their opinion.

Don't get me wrong!! We have our disagreements!! :rotfl: World War 111 has nothing on us!

snowmaid

nickyhutch wrote: »

Why should a man let me take a seat just because I'm a woman? Can women not stand up for long periods of time? Get real.

I hold the door open for whoever is behind me, regardless of their sex, and would expect whoever is in front of me to hold it open for me, again regardless of their sex.

I always stand up if there are only a few seats left so that people who need them more than I do can sit down. Men OR women.

If a man asked me on a date I wouldn't want him to pick me up and drop me off - I wouldn't want someone I didn't know well knowing where I lived. I'd let him know I got home safe, just as I'd check he had too, and just as I'd check ANY friend I'd been out with had got home safe.

I'm no feminist, and understand the limitations of both sexes, but respect anyone for what they are.

I think you are missing the point, it has NOTHING to do with abilities but everything to do with being courteous.

I think there is very little sexier than a guy who stands and offers his seat to a lady.
Are we (a big generalisation) really that determined to emasculate men completely? Even to refusing an offer of a seat and taking offence to that?

I am only to pleased to let my hubby be the 'stronger' sex and him be my 'protector'. We respect eachother and eachothers strengths. It's no wonder men are confused