General lack of respect for eachother

Snaggles

For us, it works to pool pretty much everything, with a bit of 'pocket money' each per month (roughly the same amount each month, but we don't count it to the penny, because if I was skint, he would help out, and vice versa), in seperate sole accounts, so things like birthday presents etc can be bought without the other finding out, and also for more practical reasons (if we both have a little pot of seperate money, and I'm out shopping, I know straight away if i can afford to buy something - I don't have to check through the joint account to see if 'we' can afford it).

But I think you just have to go with whatever you find easiest and most comfortable.

I earn more than hubby does, but I don't feel this means I should have more to spend each month than he does. I love him, and want him to benefit equally from any money I have, and I know he feels the same.....because I tell him what to think and feel :rotfl: (joking )

Some people might think differently though, and if it makes them happy, then I don't see a problem.

Voyager2002

snowmaid wrote: »

What is the general feeling of married couples or couples who have been living together for a long time with regards salaries, who pays for what and pooling finances?

I believe that if a couple have committed to be together then everything is 'pooled', no matter who earns what?!?! *ducking*.

Big question!

In principle I agree with your outlook. In practice, how do you buy each other presents? What about family obligations that or the other partner has? What if one person has an expensive taste (eg fine wine) that the other does not share? You mentioned that you each have 'pocket money' which could take care of these situations, but you need to spend a lot of time working out what things are to be bought out of common funds, what out of 'pocket money'. And you probably end up with some pretty complicated accounting systems.

Idiophreak

snowmaid wrote: »

What is the general feeling of married couples or couples who have been living together for a long time with regards salaries, who pays for what and pooling finances?

I've been with the gf a while although we don't live together.

I tend to pay for most stuff, because I'm the higher earner, but when I'm hard up I let her pay.

When we live together we'll split everything 50/50, although it doesn't make much odds - any savings either of us makes will be for both of us anyway...

snowmaid

Snaggles wrote: »

For us, it works to pool pretty much everything, with a bit of 'pocket money' each per month (roughly the same amount each month, but we don't count it to the penny, because if I was skint, he would help out, and vice versa), in seperate sole accounts, so things like birthday presents etc can be bought without the other finding out, and also for more practical reasons (if we both have a little pot of seperate money, and I'm out shopping, I know straight away if i can afford to buy something - I don't have to check through the joint account to see if 'we' can afford it).

But I think you just have to go with whatever you find easiest and most comfortable.

I earn more than hubby does, but I don't feel this means I should have more to spend each month than he does. I love him, and want him to benefit equally from any money I have, and I know he feels the same.....because I tell him what to think and feel :rotfl: (joking )

Some people might think differently though, and if it makes them happy, then I don't see a problem.

Yes, we each have our own account where our salaries get put in and we have debits coming off, but we have access to one anothers account and freely move money between them. I earned more money than hubby for a while and now he earns more than me, but not once, even in arguments, is this ever thrown up by the other.

snowmaid

Voyager2002 wrote: »

Big question!

In principle I agree with your outlook. In practice, how do you buy each other presents? What about family obligations that or the other partner has? What if one person has an expensive taste (eg fine wine) that the other does not share? You mentioned that you each have 'pocket money' which could take care of these situations, but you need to spend a lot of time working out what things are to be bought out of common funds, what out of 'pocket money'. And you probably end up with some pretty complicated accounting systems.

Buying eachother pressies is easy. I manage and so does he! We look at what the budget allows. Luckily we both don't have 'expensive' taste or rather, we do but are mature enough to know that budgets don't allow for that! :rotfl: As far as family obligations are concerned, I probably married a gem! I have 2 kids from a previous marriage and he had no problem in contributing towards their upkeep! i.e. still pooling money even though some of the costs were for schooling etc! But, there have been times we have had to assist his family and I have had no problem with that at all. Just comes out the pool.

cooperbob

snowmaid wrote: »

I should have said it is a generalisation of what I have noticed. Apologies if I never made myself clear.

But look around you in general . I know that not all men are like this. I know that for a fact. I am married to the most wonderful MAN. Who insists on opening a door for me, who isn't afraid to cook, who always offers me a seat, stands up for elderly people etc etc blah blah blah and to me this shows a man.

When we went out for dates I certainly offered to pay half, but he wouldn't allow it. Not everyone is in this position and certainly a woman shouldn't sponge off a guy either, but its just nice to treat eachother with respect. thats all I am saying.

Well that means theres no point asking for your hand in marriage then :P

How I wish more women were like that, good on ya Snowmaid for bringing this up. :T

snowmaid

cooperbob wrote: »

Well that means theres no point asking for your hand in marriage then :P

How I wish more women were like that, good on ya Snowmaid for bringing this up. :T

So exactly how much did you say you have in your bank account?!?!? .......:p

pollyanna24

I think my bf refers to me as "his bird." Not sure if that is better or not that "the gf!"

As for pooling stuff, we just stick everything in the joint account and take £400 each for booze, personal stuff like books etc. (can't think of owt at the mo). Works for us. I work out all the bills and that, he doesn't have a clue.

snowmaid

sleepymy wrote: »

Not to single you out Idiophreak, but does anyone else hate being called THE wife/girlfriend/whatever?

I give off to my hubby for doing it, I'm not sure why? Perhaps I feel the term objectifies the person in question and sounds unaffectionate? My mum hates it too, although I always did before finding out she did. I like the feeling I get hearing my hubby refer to me as his wife. It's not at all a submissive thing, I would never think of calling him the husband.

Lack of respect! :rotfl: :rolleyes:

Snaggles

I quite like it when hubby calls me 'the wife' - I find it cute because I know he doesn't mean it in a disrespectful way. If he meant it in a demeaning way I would feel a WHOLE lot different! He only ever does it in fun though.

Sometimes he says 'get me a beer, wench' too, just for a laugh......

(I don't get him one, needless to say )