General lack of respect for eachother

snowmaid

Idiophreak wrote: »

That's not what you're saying though!?
"Insist a guy fetch and take you"

That isn't treating each other with respect, that's treating your guy like a doormat.

Oh dear, :rolleyes: lets see how I can explain it. If a guy invites me on a date, I will certainly not have him say to me 'meet me here at such a time'. To me that isn't respectful. For him to say I will fetch you from your home at such a time and then return you to your home says to me that he cares enough to make an effort to fetch me and that he cares enough to ensure I get home safely.

It has nothing to do with treating a guy like a doormat. If a guy can put himself out to fetch and take me, that says that he cares which, to a certain extent, goes a way to indicate what type of person he is, i.e. a considerate one.

daphne_descends

snowmaid wrote: »

Certainly no 'expert' but have been 'watching' behaviour over a number of years. Do yourself a favour and look around you and see how people interact with one another. Look at pub situations, train situations etc etc. I must stress this isn't everybody. There are wonderful people out there who continously show respect for one another.

Oh, you're right. However, a couple of things:

- referring to your 'heavy parcel' example, there is a difference between my partner wanting to help me (happy to let him), and assuming that as I'm a woman I couldn't possibly manage such a heavy box! (Not so happy).

- the glimpses of interactions we see in pubs etc are just that - glimpses. So you might catch sight of a man sneaking into the last empty seat before a woman gets there. Maybe later she pours him a glass of water so he can take his painkillers for his knee trouble. Or maybe ten minutes before that you didn't see the first leg of their journey with the situation in reverse. After all isn't that the essence of equality? You take the empty seat on the bus, I'll have it on the train.

I'm just saying, be careful what you judge on.


And lastly I'm too wrapped up in OH to pay too much attention to other couples.

Idiophreak

snowmaid wrote: »

If a guy can put himself out to fetch and take me, that says that he cares which, to a certain extent, goes a way to indicate what type of person he is, i.e. a considerate one.

So, if you, the woman, are explicitly *not* prepared to put yourself out, that says you *don't* care....which goes a long way to indicate what type of person you are - inconsiderate?

dianadors

I think general lack of respect is all around and not just in relationships. I also think self respect is lacking in a lot of people.

Voyager2002

snowmaid wrote: »

But, if we ladies want respect, we have to do our part:

2. Insist a guy fetch and take you - insist on general respect.

Modern young women are advised not to allow this (never mind insist on it) on grounds of security. Only after several dates will they trust a man enough to let him know where they live.

Speaking as a man, a standard move toward the end of a date would be the routine: 'Can I see you home?'; then 'Can I come in for a quick coffee?'; then 'How about a goodnight kiss?'; then ***. I think that most women have a very good idea of what is going on, and make sure that none of it happens before they are ready!

snowmaid

fac73 wrote: »

Oh, you're right. However, a couple of things:

- referring to your 'heavy parcel' example, there is a difference between my partner wanting to help me (happy to let him), and assuming that as I'm a woman I couldn't possibly manage such a heavy box! (Not so happy).

- the glimpses of interactions we see in pubs etc are just that - glimpses. So you might catch sight of a man sneaking into the last empty seat before a woman gets there. Maybe later she pours him a glass of water so he can take his painkillers for his knee trouble. Or maybe ten minutes before that you didn't see the first leg of their journey with the situation in reverse. After all isn't that the essence of equality? You take the empty seat on the bus, I'll have it on the train.

I'm just saying, be careful what you judge on.


And lastly I'm too wrapped up in OH to pay too much attention to other couples.

I totally hear what you are saying and agree that I have no idea of what has happened beforehand. But its also obvious when there is absolutely nothing wrong with the guy when he walks in front of her sits down then looks up at her and pats his leg for her to sit on it, while she declines in embarrasement.

When hubby and I are walking in the supermarket and there is a couple where the guy is swearing something awful at the girl while she is acutely embarrassed or, when they are standing swearing at eachother, I don't think its a presumption to judge that such a couple have no respect for eachother. Unfortunately this isn't a once off but has happened a few times with different couples.

And hubby and I choose an appropriate time to be wrapped up in eachother!

snowmaid

Idiophreak wrote: »

So, if you, the woman, are explicitly *not* prepared to put yourself out, that says you *don't* care....which goes a long way to indicate what type of person you are - inconsiderate?

A guy has just invited me on a date? He is asking me?

snowmaid

dianadors wrote: »

I think general lack of respect is all around and not just in relationships. I also think self respect is lacking in a lot of people.

Yes I agree. There is a general lack of respect for oneself. I always say to my kids, treat others the way you want to be treated. Conduct yourself with self respect and others will respect you. They may feel you are a snob etc because you don't roll around drunk or swear like a trooper, but thats because you are showing them up for what they are and they can't handle it.

snowmaid

Voyager2002 wrote: »

Modern young women are advised not to allow this (never mind insist on it) on grounds of security. Only after several dates will they trust a man enough to let him know where they live.

Speaking as a man, a standard move toward the end of a date would be the routine: 'Can I see you home?'; then 'Can I come in for a quick coffee?'; then 'How about a goodnight kiss?'; then ***. I think that most women have a very good idea of what is going on, and make sure that none of it happens before they are ready!

You know, I have not looked at this from this point - a very good one. :T The people I have been on dates with etc I have normally 'known' through someone else. I have never met up with a total stranger as such. As for taking me home though, I have always made very clear that there is no 'coffee' aftewards!

Idiophreak

In the same spirit, perhaps we could complete the list with how women are letting the side down these days by not respecting their partners as much as they used to...?

1) Not having dinner ready on the table by the time the man gets in.
2) Expecting a man to help around the house.
3) Thinking they have *any* claim on the remote.
.....