General lack of respect for eachother

snowmaid

Idiophreak wrote: »

In the same spirit, perhaps we could complete the list with how women are letting the side down these days by not respecting their partners as much as they used to...?

1) Not having dinner ready on the table by the time the man gets in.
2) Expecting a man to help around the house.
3) Thinking they have *any* claim on the remote.
.....

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

1. Not having dinner ready - if the woman is a housewife then by all means, dinner should be ready. However, if she has a sick child or the babies have been playing up, then he needs to be understanding of that. But in general, when I was at home with the babies or when I have taken days off of work during school holidays etc, I thoroughly enjoy having dinner prepared for my hubby and seeing the pleasure on his face. Its a treat because normally we are getting home together.

2. Unless I am a stay at home mom, I most certainly do expect him to put in his share of work. You had better believe it. We BOTH hold full time jobs, we both bring in an income, we BOTH do the housework. And no, I didn't have to insist on this, he knew this out of his own and gets stuck in with me.

3. Remote - I totally feel that this is a guys domain and will certainly not interfere for fear of my hand being bitten off! I go upstairs and watch telly there!! :rotfl:

dora37

snowmaid wrote: »

1. Not having dinner ready - if the woman is a housewife then by all means, dinner should be ready.

2. Unless I am a stay at home mom, I most certainly do expect him to put in his share of work.

*Can you hear the Hovis tune playing in the background ?*

snowmaid

dora37 wrote: »

snowmaid wrote: »

1. Not having dinner ready - if the woman is a housewife then by all means, dinner should be ready.

*Can you hear the Hovis tune playing in the background ?*

Why shouldn't dinner be ready??!!? :eek: While the guy is out working earning an income, why should the woman sit on her butt and not have dinner ready?!? Unless there is a problem such as a sick child or herself being ill or another emergency, then I should think it is the least a woman can do. It doesn't make her less a woman, but she is showing she cares enough to have a meal ready for hubby. I don't think it demeans a woman at all. By the same token, if the guy is at home, he can have a meal prepared. It is respecting eachother enough to be considerate towards the other person.

My husband LOVES it when I am on holiday and he comes home to a fully cooked meal and I have gone through the trouble to make a desert. It doesn't happen when we are both at work! And likewise if he is at home, when I come home he has taken the trouble to have a lovely meal ready. It is mutual consideration and respect.

snowmaid

sleepymy wrote: »

*gets the pitchfork outta the barn and chases Idiophreak round the yard*

I think you raise some valid points but I think your argument took a wrong turn when you implied that women seeking equality is to blame.

I probably should have said it differently. What I am saying is that SOME woman, in trying to establish their 'equality', have gone over the top and conduct themselves in a manner that only enables total disrespect, e.g. getting drunk, swearing, being rude to a guy who is only trying to be helpful and respectful etc etc

Idiophreak

Seriously, whilst I consider my gf and I to be in a "modern" relationship, I don't think there's the slightest hint of either one of us respecting the other less as a result.

If you see a pair of chavs out and about swearing at each other, drinking, pushing through doors, etc etc....Just think "they're chavs. Who could possibly respect them".

I think, realtionships in modern times have always been about balance and the way it's balanced is just shifting a bit.

Previously, yes, a man was expected to drive the woman back and fro, but equally the woman was expected to do the bulk of the cooking. Yes, a man was expected to open doors, but a woman was expected to hand over the remote. etc etc etc

These days, none of those things are defined so clearly.

If the GF has fuel in her car and I don't (or I want to drink), she'll drive.
So maybe we both drive half the time.

I like to cook, so I'll do some of that, she'll do some.
So maybe we both cook hald the time.

I open doors - I think it's just polite. (irrespective of who else is with me, boys, girls etc). The gf feels the same.
So maybe we both open doors half the time.

I will give her the remote sometimes...No, sorry, that's a lie. That's one thing that will never change.

dora37

QUOTE=dora37;4785121]

Why shouldn't dinner be ready??!!? :eek: While the guy is out working earning an income, why should the woman sit on her butt and not have dinner ready?!? Unless there is a problem such as a sick child or herself being ill or another emergency, then I should think it is the least a woman can do. It doesn't make her less a woman, but she is showing she cares enough to have a meal ready for hubby. I don't think it demeans a woman at all. By the same token, if the guy is at home, he can have a meal prepared. It is respecting eachother enough to be considerate towards the other person.

My husband LOVES it when I am on holiday and he comes home to a fully cooked meal and I have gone through the trouble to make a desert. It doesn't happen when we are both at work! And likewise if he is at home, when I come home he has taken the trouble to have a lovely meal ready. It is mutual consideration and respect. [/QUOTE]


My OH is the main bread winner and because he RESPECTS me, doesn't EXPECT dinner to be ready for when he comes in as he is aware that having 3 children often puts other demands in the way.

However, because I RESPECT him, I do prepare a dinner for him and all the family at a time suitable to everybody - because I want to, not because it is expected.

Believe it or not just because a SAHM (stay at home mum) does not have the evening meal ready the minute they come through the door doesn't mean they have been 'sat on their butt' all day.

I enjoy preparing (mainly from scratch) meals for my OH and children, and they all RESPECT the fact I take the time to do this.

snowmaid

Idiophreak wrote: »

Seriously, whilst I consider my gf and I to be in a "modern" relationship, I don't think there's the slightest hint of either one of us respecting the other less as a result.

If you see a pair of chavs out and about swearing at each other, drinking, pushing through doors, etc etc....Just think "they're chavs. Who could possibly respect them".

I think, realtionships in modern times have always been about balance and the way it's balanced is just shifting a bit.

Previously, yes, a man was expected to drive the woman back and fro, but equally the woman was expected to do the bulk of the cooking. Yes, a man was expected to open doors, but a woman was expected to hand over the remote. etc etc etc

These days, none of those things are defined so clearly.

If the GF has fuel in her car and I don't (or I want to drink), she'll drive.
So maybe we both drive half the time.

I like to cook, so I'll do some of that, she'll do some.
So maybe we both cook hald the time.

I open doors - I think it's just polite. (irrespective of who else is with me, boys, girls etc). The gf feels the same.
So maybe we both open doors half the time.

I will give her the remote sometimes...No, sorry, that's a lie. That's one thing that will never change.

I think if certain 'old fashioned' things can be maintained it will make eachother feel that bit special. A woman will mostly be feminine and enjoy being treated like a lady (of course, I speak for myself and also going by opinions of friends, acquaintances etc).

The same way my husband enjoys (and insists! :rolleyes: ) on me shaving my legs etc, I enjoy him making an effort to treat me in a special way. Maybe there are girls out there who prefer meeting somewhere 'mutual', for valid reasons another poster raised. But I think in general a girl likes to be 'wined and dined'.

I like to know I am a female and a female likes to be pampered, the same way a guy likes to be made to feel special and 'respected' for his 'manliness' !

Guess its a case of 'me tarzan you Jane' !! :rotfl: :rotfl: (and no, we don't have the costumes......!)

Seriously though, too many couples are so busy trying to establish their own 'authority' and be their 'own person' that they are forgetting what it means to be in a relationship.

snowmaid

[QUOTE
My OH is the main bread winner and because he RESPECTS me, doesn't EXPECT dinner to be ready for when he comes in as he is aware that having 3 children often puts other demands in the way.

However, because I RESPECT him, I do prepare a dinner for him and all the family at a time suitable to everybody - because I want to, not because it is expected.

Believe it or not just because a SAHM (stay at home mum) does not have the evening meal ready the minute they come through the door doesn't mean they have been 'sat on their butt' all day.

I enjoy preparing (mainly from scratch) meals for my OH and children, but they all RESPECT the fact I take the time to do this.[/QUOTE]

Thats great. Mutual respect for eachother.

gingercordial

snowmaid wrote: »

You know, I have not looked at this from this point - a very good one. :T The people I have been on dates with etc I have normally 'known' through someone else. I have never met up with a total stranger as such. As for taking me home though, I have always made very clear that there is no 'coffee' aftewards!

I would expect a man to see me into a taxi (and wait with me for one if there's not one around) but definitely not come near my house on a first date!

asea

snowmaid wrote: »

I think if certain 'old fashioned' things can be maintained it will make eachother feel that bit special. A woman will mostly be feminine and enjoy being treated like a lady (of course, I speak for myself and also going by opinions of friends, acquaintances etc).

Seriously though, too many couples are so busy trying to establish their own 'authority' and be their 'own person' that they are forgetting what it means to be in a relationship.

how do you know this though - I'm assuming by your comments that you've never been in a 'modern' 'equal' relationship - the reason things become 'old fashioned' is that there was a need for change - if most women preferred to be 'feminine' and enjoy being treated like a 'lady' then it would still be like that today - but it isn't..

personally I think that any idealogy that insists that people stick to predefined roles based on their gender is a bad one - personally i can't think of anything worse than being patronised by the idea that i should behave in what somebody's idea of 'ladylike' behaviour is - as for the idea that i should be mostly & should like to be 'feminine' what on earth do you mean? i don't - i like being who i am and being treated like a person, irregardless of my gender - i'm just glad that nowadays most people think like me

as per the idea that people forget that they're in a relationship because they are concentrating on 'authority' issues - luckily in an equal & mutually respectful relationship that wouldn't be an issue - i can see it only being an issue where people have ideas like yours, i.e. the man has his role & the woman hers, & i find it offensive (as would my partners) to think that people are so easy to judge others & their relationships because they don't stick to 'old fashioned' ideas of how relationships 'should' be