General lack of respect for eachother

dora37

snowmaid wrote: »

[QUOTE

Thats great. Mutual respect for eachother.

That is my whole point - your post indicated that certain things should be done - whereas my point is that these things are indeed done, however they are done because of the mutual respect between us - not because of some preconceived dated expectation.

snowmaid

asea wrote: »

how do you know this though - I'm assuming by your comments that you've never been in a 'modern' 'equal' relationship - the reason things become 'old fashioned' is that there was a need for change - if most women preferred to be 'feminine' and enjoy being treated like a 'lady' then it would still be like that today - but it isn't..

personally I think that any idealogy that insists that people stick to predefined roles based on their gender is a bad one - personally i can't think of anything worse than being patronised by the idea that i should behave in what somebody's idea of 'ladylike' behaviour is - as for the idea that i should be mostly & should like to be 'feminine' what on earth do you mean? i don't - i like being who i am and being treated like a person, irregardless of my gender - i'm just glad that nowadays most people think like me

as per the idea that people forget that they're in a relationship because they are concentrating on 'authority' issues - luckily in an equal & mutually respectful relationship that wouldn't be an issue - i can see it only being an issue where people have ideas like yours, i.e. the man has his role & the woman hers, & i find it offensive (as would my partners) to think that people are so easy to judge others & their relationships because they don't stick to 'old fashioned' ideas of how relationships 'should' be

As I have said before, these are my own personal opinions, as well as friends etc and I was interested in what other people have to say about the matter (although I knew it would cause a riot! :rotfl: )

By 'feminine' I mean someone who doesn't shout on the top of her voice, doesn't use foul language, doesn't fall around the place drunk, who takes pride in the way she dresses and doesn't use the excuse of 'I have a right as a person to do so' as an excuse to carry on such behaviour.

In the same token I expect a guy to behave like a gentleman by not swearing in my company, ensuring that I leave/get home safely, has clean finger nails, does open a door for me etc etc These are just examples btw Its just self respect. I don't consider those qualities old fashioned but rather very necessary qualities that people seem to think no longer have to exist.

For all the balanced relationships etc that people think exist, if one looks at the divorce rate (not judging, I am previously divorced!), the amount of domestic violence still happening as per the recent tv programme etc then there is obviously something wrong. People are no longer interested in getting married because its easier to separate!! :eek:

I think (and its just a personal opinion mind you!) that there is such a general lack of respect for eachother and a general lack of care, that people have stopped doing for eachother in the name of 'equality', male and female.

snowmaid

dora37 wrote: »

That is my whole point - your post indicated that certain things should be done - whereas my point is that these things are indeed done, however they are done because of the mutual respect between us - not because of some preconceived dated expectation.

If you have a look at my post, I had put 'EG'. I was giving some examples where respect can be shown towards eachother and for oneself.

Some 'old fashioned' ideas are not all bad you know. Some work better than 'modern' ones.

Doozergirl

snowmaid wrote: »

I probably should have said it differently. What I am saying is that SOME woman, in trying to establish their 'equality', have gone over the top and conduct themselves in a manner that only enables total disrespect, e.g. getting drunk, swearing, being rude to a guy who is only trying to be helpful and respectful etc etc

I don't that is seeking equality. I think actions like that have more to do with low self esteem.

It probably depends on where you are too. I come from London and when I moved to the Midlands I was completely taken by how friendly people are in general. Men always hold doors for me and people often help me with the buggy. Even in London when I was pregnant with my first, people would be reluctant but someone always gave up their seat for me.

OH is a gentleman and all of his male friends treat me like a lady, despite me swearing like a soldier! I think the guy wanting his gf to sit on his lap is quite funny!

snowmaid

Doozergirl wrote: »

I don't that is seeking equality. I think actions like that have more to do with low self esteem.

It probably depends on where you are too. I come from London and when I moved to the Midlands I was completely taken by how friendly people are in general. Men always hold doors for me and people often help me with the buggy. Even in London when I was pregnant with my first, people would be reluctant but someone always gave up their seat for me.

OH is a gentleman and all of his male friends treat me like a lady, despite me swearing like a soldier! I think the guy wanting his gf to sit on his lap is quite funny!

You are probably right, it could well be self esteem in some instances.
As far as that guy is concerned, you had to see it to believe it! :eek: (I live in London). This guy was standing on the platform with his partner, door opened, he pushed past in front of her, went and got the seat, then looked at his partner and patted his knee!!! :eek: I was flabbergasted!! She looked very uncomfortable I must say and continued to stand. To me that showed total disrespect towards her, I don't care who says what.

Snaggles

I think respect can be a very subjective thing too - my hubby doesn't always think to hold a door open for me, or give up a seat on the train (he wasn't really taught those things during his upbringing for one reason and another), but he loves me with all his heart, and would never cheat on me or hurt me, and I think that's more important. (He does try to remember to be more 'gentlemanly' since we got together though).

And by the same token, I'm not the perfect wife either, tea isn't always on the table when he comes in from work, and the washing isn't always done, even if I've been off all day - but he doesn't criticise and would happily come home after a 10 hour shift and make tea himself. But I would stand by him no matter what happened, I respect his feelings, and I would never knowingly do something to hurt him.

We are a partnership, we love and respect each other completely, but may not necessarily show it in the same way as the next couple. So it's difficult to judge a relationship from the outside, because you are only seeing a very small part of the whole picture.

pollyanna24

I'm all for equality and all the rest of it, but I think as long as you are happy in your own relationship, then who cares really?

I'm female, I earn slightly more than my bf, but we both work full time and therefore "share" the house responsibilities. I cook, he cleans. I'm not quite sure I'd be happy with pizza every single night if I left it to him. I guess he should learn to cook, but until I'm not around, this won't pose a problem.

I have always said that I would be happy cooking, cleaning, all the other stuff etc. if he earns enough for me to stay at home and do it. He doesn't, therefore I can't. Hence is the reason we also don't have kids yet.

He carrys the heavy stuff cos he's a lot stronger than me. Why struggle when he can pick up what I can't with both arms with with one finger?! Same applies to him getting the plates out of the top cupboard cos he's taller than me! :rotfl:

As for opening doors and whatnots, why wouldn't I, as a female, hold the door open for him?! If I get there first, I'll hold it open for anyone coming (and if I don't get a thank you, they usually get a snotty remark). As for him paying for things, well we've been together too long for that, but usually take it in turns. Can't see why it would be any other way!

Snaggles

I agree - I hold doors open for people all the time. People rarely say thanks. Mostly I just think 'Oh well...' but sometimes, if I'm a bit hormonal, I'll say 'I think 'Thanks' was the word you were looking for'.

I should learn to bite my lip more lol

snowmaid

pollyanna24 wrote: »

As for him paying for things, well we've been together too long for that, but usually take it in turns. Can't see why it would be any other way!

Glad you guys have things worked out to suit BOTH of you!

Which brings me onto another question! Bound to have this posting erupt into full nuclear explosions!! :rotfl:

What is the general feeling of married couples or couples who have been living together for a long time with regards salaries, who pays for what and pooling finances?

I believe that if a couple have committed to be together then everything is 'pooled', no matter who earns what?!?! *ducking*.

My husband and I were married in 'community of property'. In other words whats his is mine and whats mine is his. No, wasn't a case of me moving in with him to 'sponge' off him. I was earning more while he was doing his training. But we have NEVER had separate finances, everything gets pooled, have joint savings account. Each take 'pocket' money etc etc. I know exactly what he earns, he knows what I earn, what policies exist etc etc.

I know that there are lots of couples that keep that very separate, to the point of the husband will buy the fridge or the wife will have to pay for school clothes and the electricity etc etc. The other half has no idea of what their partner earns etc and I have to wonder why bother getting married??

Now, I understand when it is for business purposes etc etc where certain things have to be kept separate. But at the end of the day, surely whatever is 'reaped' should be shared equally?
:rolleyes:

snowmaid

Snaggles wrote: »

I agree - I hold doors open for people all the time. People rarely say thanks. Mostly I just think 'Oh well...' but sometimes, if I'm a bit hormonal, I'll say 'I think 'Thanks' was the word you were looking for'.

I should learn to bite my lip more lol

I do that! I usually stand back for someone as plain courtesy but the other rude s*d cannot even utter a thankyou! I just say 'you're welcome' and have them looking at me in confusion! :rolleyes: