Is it disrespectful to not attend a funeral?

Mojisola

Stitch2012 wrote: »

My husband would not go either but is only going to support his mom. He hasn't really had a relationship with his nan and grandad as they spent most of the lives in Italy.

I think whether you go or not should be based on your relationship with the living, rather than the dead. It's about supporting the bereaved.

POPPYOSCAR

Mojisola wrote: »

I think whether you go or not should be based on your relationship with the living, rather than the dead. It's about supporting the bereaved.

I agree up to a point.

I would find it very hard to go to a funeral of someone I detested just to be supporting the bereaved. I would feel a hypocrite.

SandC

I think OP that you have certain preconceptions about how things are going to pan out and this only stems from your lack of experience of attending funerals.

It's right what has been said, unless you are very lucky indeed you will have to attend the funeral of someone close at some time and it will be far better dealt with if you've experienced it before.

You know often, as I've seen first hand with my relations, when people get to a certain age they deal with the death of loved ones far differently to how we might imagine. I've not attended any funerals where the spouse has been completely distraught and it's often the case that they are able to hold it together through the funeral with the support of those closest to them.

And to be honest, the person who is closest to the deceased is often just trying to get through the day and will not be worrying about whether their grandson's wife is missing but it might be questioned after the event.

Idiophreak

I think the important thing to remember is that nobody *wants* to go to funerals. They're not exactly a fun day out. You go because you want to show your respect for the person who's passed and show your love and support for the ones they leave behind.

That said, you're not obliged to go - and people really shouldn't judge you for not going if you really can't face it.

Stitch2012

I am taking in all your opinions and I do understand what everyone is trying say to me. I think I will have words with husband about it tonight.thanks for your input

bluenoseam

My sister attended our fathers funeral at 4 years of age, myself at 10 - everyone's different I suppose but I won't judge you for not wanting to expose your children to that. What I would say though is you have real issues with grief and that you should sort that out at some point as you cannot avoid funerals for the rest of your life!

Person_one

bluenoseam wrote: »

What I would say though is you have real issues with grief and that you should sort that out at some point as you cannot avoid funerals for the rest of your life!

That's a bit harsh, nobody actually loves grief and funerals and gets it perfectly right every time. There's no way to be 100% ok with having the people you love die and watching them be buried or cremated.

How exactly should she 'sort that out'?

belfastgirl23

I think you already feel uncomfortable about not going (otherwise why post here?) and you know in your heart that you should go. Do you think looking back you would regret not going? I know when I've chickened out of something like this I've felt bad about afterwards.

((and I think your MIL will probably say she's ok with it but she won't really be))

NAR

Stitch I think you are quite correct in having concerns over the impact the funeral may have, especially, on your eldest child.

My youngest daughter was about 7 (now 24) when my father died. She attended the funeral and I did not realise for many years the impact it had on her. The shadow of churches still brings out a bad feeling within her, so you are right to have concerns how your eldest may be affected.

caevans

Of course it's disrespectful. Its not called paying final respects for no reason! As others have said, nobody likes going to funerals but we do so to respect the life the person had and the love we have for the person...