What would you do? Desperate to start a family, but...

TeamLowe

If you are making a 'pros and cons' list, what about facing the issues that can come from trying to get a healthy baby in your arms?

You'll have one up on 'normal' couples as you'll know you'll have good sperm, but you won't know you're own fertility until you try and t can be devastating to find out there's problems and frustrating when there's seemingly not but it's taking forever. Us ladies trying with partners find it incredibly isolating because no one understands

And up to half (depending on who's giving the figures and estimations of 'undetected' pregnancies) of all pregnancies end in miscarriage. It's a horrible experience, your worst nightmare come true and can be very isolating as well. I had counselling, the support of my family and friends but the one thing that got me through was having someone with me who knew how it felt and was also grieving for the loss of their child

janninew

I really hope you can work out a solution babymad, sometimes when you look into having children in great detail you can find a million and one reasons not to have them! I started to think about babies a couple of years back and was always putting it off, thinking wait until I've saved x amount, wait until I have the lounge decorated, wait until my puppy was a little older (really!) I decided last year to start trying and fell pregnant straight away! All the little things problems worked out and I realised I was really over analysing things!!

Rochdale_Guy

raven83 wrote: »

There is a joke there, but I am going to leave it :rotfl:

Are you saying I'm a

.....W

babymad_2

TeamLowe wrote: »

If you are making a 'pros and cons' list, what about facing the issues that can come from trying to get a healthy baby in your arms?

You'll have one up on 'normal' couples as you'll know you'll have good sperm, but you won't know you're own fertility until you try and t can be devastating to find out there's problems and frustrating when there's seemingly not but it's taking forever. Us ladies trying with partners find it incredibly isolating because no one understands

And up to half (depending on who's giving the figures and estimations of 'undetected' pregnancies) of all pregnancies end in miscarriage. It's a horrible experience, your worst nightmare come true and can be very isolating as well. I had counselling, the support of my family and friends but the one thing that got me through was having someone with me who knew how it felt and was also grieving for the loss of their child

With respect, are you saying that I should not try because I might run into difficulties and then subsequently miscarry?

You have presumably read my thread - you know I have coped with losing both parents before my twentieth birthday. That is a "worst nightmare" - I am very sorry about your miscarriage, but believe me, I am used to loss, and I am used to coping - alone.

Rochdale_Guy

sassyblue wrote: »

Not nearly enough to help with the predicament in your signature. . And it isn't anonymous anymore I'm sure any potential offspring could get your details when they're older if they wanted to, bu someone else may correct me.

I know it's not anonymous anymore and you don't seem to get paid either, sigh

Anyone care to sponsor me "to make a donation"?

Rochdale_Guy

babymad wrote: »

RochdaleGuy - no disrespect taken, you made me laugh! :rotfl:

You're welcome babymad, hope things work out for you :beer:

Rochdale_Guy

Bufger wrote: »

I know this is probably contraversial but have you tried actually asking some people on some dating/friends with benefits sights to have unprotected sex in order to get you pregnant? if a guy knew beforehand and was willing to contribute to the deed anonymously (ie doesnt want to be a dad but is willing to 'donate'). You'd save yourself alot of money!

As i said, contraversial.

I could do with some practice, I'm a bit rusty lately :rotfl:

GobbledyGook

It's not something where you should rule it out, but because you are in the situation of having no partner and family, rather than it happening down the line unexpectedly, you can think about it and, as much as possible, plan for it. In some ways that may make you better off than someone who has a child with a partner who later dies or runs off.

One off childcare occasions you can always cover even if it means the likes of sitters.co.uk and the likes.

The big things (imo) are what happens if something happens to you? I don't mean catastrophic things like being hit by a bus, but what if you need a minor operation that requires a night or two in hospital? Or if you break a leg and can't get out to do the school run for a couple of weeks? Or what happens if you simply need a break? For example last week I had a D&V bug - now that can happen to anyone at anytime and for 3 days I lived in my bathroom. I didn't have the strength or energy to cook for myself let alone care for my children (most of the time when you are ill as a mother you just get through caring for the kids because you have too, but I physically couldn't) - do you have people you can turn to in that kind of situation?

The key isn't (again imo) about having a support network of family around you, but of having a support network around you. Of the three people (other than their father) I turn to if I need help only one of them is related to me. My support network isn't family, it's friends. If you have a good support network of friends then that should be looked at as favourably by SS as a whole host of relatives you only see when someone is born, married or dies.

babymad_2

Unfortunately though Gobbedly it isn't - I have neighbours on either side of me who are a great help and support (and who would hopefully say I am also a great help and support) to my left is my friend, her husband and two little girls, who I regularly sit for and to my right are a retired couple in their 60s. In an emergency I would have no qualms about sending them on an Asda mission

The irony is that even if my parents were alive, they would be in their early 70s and probably not able to undertake full time care of a toddler anyway, were I to drop dead (which I don't plan on doing, but appreciate no one does! ) However, due to my parents' untimely deaths I am careful with my health, do not drink or smoke, eat well, exercise, have private health care, etc.

SS have to be careful, I suppose, and on paper perhaps I do look like a risk. I hope that if some of you knew me you would think again and feel that in fact I would be a good parent but lots of thinking to do first.

TeamLowe

babymad wrote: »

With respect, are you saying that I should not try because I might run into difficulties and then subsequently miscarry?

You have presumably read my thread - you know I have coped with losing both parents before my twentieth birthday. That is a "worst nightmare" - I am very sorry about your miscarriage, but believe me, I am used to loss, and I am used to coping - alone.

Nope, I'm saying that if you're giving it serious consideration then these are serious things that need to be considered. Forewarned is forearmed and all that. I'd say the same to someone who had a partner and a lot of support around them. I just think you being by yourself will make these things harder if they happen. But that's just my opinion x x