What would you do? Desperate to start a family, but...

Spirit_2

babymad wrote: »

My job doesn't come with a part time option - full time or nothing.

Just to consider this constraint:

OP if you have a child you have a stautory right to request flexible/Pt working and to parental leave.

How fulltime is fulltime? 30 hours? 48 hours?

Can you work fulltime over fewer days?

Can you find a jobshare partner?

How does your employer cope with women returning from mat leave?

Can you change jobs?

Few jobs are totally off limits to part-time if it comes down to it, although it may not be a viable solution in a very small business.- MP/Armed forces might be fulltime:)

I worked ft throughout my DD's childhood as I was initially afraid of losing my career (the bad old days). I do regret it and feel she and I missed out.

mountainofdebt

I hate these sort of threads where the OP posts a question and then has, as my mum would say, a plaster for every sore.

Rochdale_Guy

mountainofdebt wrote: »

I hate these sort of threads where the OP posts a question and then has, as my mum would say, a plaster for every sore.

That's not very nice is it?

babymad_2

mountainofdebt wrote: »

I hate these sort of threads where the OP posts a question and then has, as my mum would say, a plaster for every sore.

I don't think I have. I've no answer, really, for the fact my child (should I choose to go ahead with this) would have no father figure or extended family.

However, when people have asked questions that are more practically based, I've answered - to be honest most just seem like common sense to me and many I've already answered

coolcait

The question asked is "What would you do?"

The answer will be either 'I'd have a baby' or 'I wouldn't have a baby'. With the possible option of 'I'd think about it a bit more'.

With slight permutations on any of those answers.

There are many good reasons to have a baby. There are probably as many bad reasons to have a baby. Maybe more, maybe less.

It's an individual decision. It should never be influenced by an internet voxpop. Putting it to an internet voxpop is just opening yourself up to opinions which you dislike, or which are expressed in a way you don't care for.

OP, as mountainofdebt indicated, you have clearly thought through all of the problens you might encounter, and have a solution to all of them.

So, what would you do?

You only need to answer that to yourself. But it's the only answer that really carries any weight.

euronorris

*max* wrote: »

IMO, deciding to have a baby is ultimately a selfish act, regardless of the situation. You have a baby because YOU want one - being in a stable relationship, in a good financial situation and having plenty of supportive family around doesn't make having a baby less selfish. Therefore throwing around accusations of selfishness at the OP is pointless. Yes, she is being selfish - but so are the other millions of people who chose to have a baby.

Actually, I disagree with the statement in bold. Yes, anyone who has a child is acting selfishly, I agree with that. But, taking into consideration the child's needs, wants etc and doing everything possible to accomodate those needs DOES make it less selfish IMO. Then it is not a decision based solely on the parents wants and needs.

Being in a stable relationship, in a good financial situation and having plenty of supportive family before having a child is certainly less selfish than someone who is long term unemployed, single with no friends or family as a support network. The needs of the child have been considered in the first scenario, as well as the wants of the parents. In the 2nd, it is ALL about the wants of the parent.

That's not to say that I don't think the OP can or should do this. She has clearly given these issues a lot of thought, and planned for most eventualities. The only thing that I would still be concerned about, which the OP hasn't mentioned yet, is having some sort of male influence/father figure for the child. Is there someone in the picture who is willing and able to fulfil that role? They don't have to be there full time, but I do think that influence is very important.

OH's Dad was barely around, and it was his grandfather who played that role in his life and he is sooo grateful for that. His step dad was worse than useless at playing that role because of his complete lack of interest. It still hurts him now, which is why I feel it is so important.

bazster

coolcait wrote: »

The question asked is "What would you do?"

If you want to boil it down to that, I'd get another cat.