Would you feel the same?

creased-leach

Someone you didn't really know moved in with you.

You now know him, and don't like him.

belfastgirl23

coinxoperated wrote: »

Once again, thanks all.

Just to clarify I do not have a drinking problem and I actually very rarely drink. My father was/is an alchoholic so I've never been that into it. The bf did drink a hell of a lot at the beginning of our relationship which I said I couldn't handle as he changed so much.

He really doesn't drink unless we go out now and sometimes he's pretty good with it, although I'm not really into drinking at all.

I get the feeling you all think we're raging alcoholics but were really not. He's just an a$$ when he has any significant amount of booze.

I do agree he needs to grow up and face his responsibilities.

And I'm also not making any excuses for him, what he's done and the way he behaved was disgusting and I'm making this very clear.

Honestly I don't think you have an alcohol problem but I think he does. You have already identified that you can't handle his drinking. It sounds to me like you're partly getting too drunk when you're out with him in order to cope with how he is when he is drunk. As patterns go, this is not a good one.

This is not good news and you need to think about how it will be longer term. These kinds of alcohol problems don't go away. In some cases they can be managed to some degree. But they are still there in the background. You already know what living with an alcoholic is like. Do you love him enough to take this on?

The other thing that really worries me is him not taking responsibility for sorting out the bed. I'm not sure whether the issue is embarrassment or what but if that isn't a big signal to him that he has a problem, that makes the situation even more difficult.

I am rarely in the 'dump him' camp, I usually think things can be salvaged. But in this case I can't see any alternative and I think you're early enough stage to do it. If he goes off, gets help and comes back acknowledging his problems then maybe think again. But it doesn't sound like this is likely. Sorry.

DKLS

He doesn't sound like much of a catch, and would recommend kicking him to the curb.

He reminds of my wives colleagues fella, I have met him twice now, once at a Xmas do and most recently at some pub event to raise money for an ill kid, which had food, tribute acts dancefloor etc.

On both occasions he spoilt himself with alcohol he had this puffed out chest, strutting attitude, almost itching for a fight.

When my wife, his gf a bunch of work colleagues were dancing away he asked me two questions that made me go :eek: what is she doing with this scroat.

Do you think my gf is a lezza ? She is always dancing with girls

Me: if dancing with female friends is a lesbian indicator, that's the entire female population batting for the other side :rotfl:

Should I punch that bloke dancing with my gf?
Me: No that bloke dancing with your gf is as gay as a big gay thing and zero threat to you, and so what she is dancing not noshing him!

His disturbing reply was she is mine.

A couple of hrs later he decided to do his aggresive alpha male impression in the face of a guy minding his own business. That guy must have had some training as when he was pushed with the age old war cry of the drunk and idiotic "youse starting" he followed up with the finest punch I have seen, resulting in a broken jaw for the idiot.

Sambucus_Nigra

coinxoperated wrote: »

Once again, thanks all.

Just to clarify I do not have a drinking problem and I actually very rarely drink. My father was/is an alchoholic so I've never been that into it. The bf did drink a hell of a lot at the beginning of our relationship which I said I couldn't handle as he changed so much.

He really doesn't drink unless we go out now and sometimes he's pretty good with it, although I'm not really into drinking at all.

I get the feeling you all think we're raging alcoholics but were really not. He's just an a$$ when he has any significant amount of booze.

I do agree he needs to grow up and face his responsibilities.

And I'm also not making any excuses for him, what he's done and the way he behaved was disgusting and I'm making this very clear.

He doesn't need to grow up and face his responsibilities - he has you to do that. Oh, and by alienating all your friends it means they won't be there to support you. But whilst bedding other women it leaves his options open. Classic.

Hook, line and sinker.

Saturnalia

Look, I've shied away from saying it so far, but if he gets so aggressive and possessive of you while in a drunken state, one night it will be you who he thumps.

marisco_2

OP I am saying this to try and help you, not to belittle you in anyway. I think the enormity of the dysfunctional relationship you are in, and the risks associated to it of which there are many, are only just sinking in with you. It is very frightening to have to face up to this kind of situation.

I agree with the poster who said there are elements of abuse occurring in your relationship. I think we are hearing the tip of the iceburg of all that has been going on and what you are suffering.

If you dont feel ready to finish things with your bf yet I would recommend speaking with your gp and asking for referral to counselling. You are in an unhealthy relationship that at best will cause you more and more emotional distress. At worst I fear you could end up getting seriously hurt by this guy without anyone around you to lean on for help or support.

thegirlintheattic

coinxoperated wrote: »

Once again, thanks all.

Just to clarify I do not have a drinking problem and I actually very rarely drink.

Not physically but mentally. You seem to accept that drunks will do x, y, z and that's normal - perhaps because of your past. Your past may also have made you more accepting and more vulnerable to a partner with a drinking problem.

Slinky

madison-nyc wrote: »

no , none of what you've described there is anywhere near norma!? why would you put up with someone aggressive , cheats on you , wets the bed , pees in your sink? do i need to go on???

Was this in your 'ad' on the internet dating site........ I'm looking for somebody:
Aggressive
Will cheat on me
Wet the bed
Pee in my sink

No? Didn't think so.

I've said it before, I'll say it again, when you were a little girl was this what you dreamed of in life?

purple.sarah

You are not over reacting, this is not normal in a relationship. It is not your fault and you cannot make it better, your boyfriend has a drinking problem and he needs to get help for himself. The first step is admitting he has a problem and he doesn't seem ready to do that. You need to think of yourself, you don't deserve to be treated like this. You have a lot going for you with your career and education, don't let him drag you down.

gravitytolls

What happens when you decide to start a family? And you will you know, and you'll tell yourself it'll be different when the baby comes, but it won't. The only difference will be that you'll be home with a child and he'll be out being a pratt without you, then coming home to pee in the bed/sink, fall on the baby etc.

He certainly does have a problem with alcohol, which is why he won't apologise for starting fights and being an !!!!, because if he does, he'll be admitting he's wrong and needs to quit the behaviour. But he doesn't want to quit, so the excuses will keep coming.

Things are only good between you when you work, come home, watch TV and go to bed. Doesn't sound like much a of a life to me.