Would you feel the same?

VestanPance

Two things jump out at me.

1. He's an immature idiot. He should be acting his age, not like a teenager that's got drunk for the first time. For a man of that age drunken fighting, bed wetting, peeing in sinks etc is so not normal. In fact it's not normal for most teenagers.

2. He sounds extremely insecure, which is why he seems fine when it's only the two of you but acts up like an idiot when in a group. Being insecure he'll see any other men as a rival, so he tries to be all alpha male to scare them off.

Based on those two things I'd be very, very wary of ever entering a relationship with anyone like issues like that.

System

Take it from a woman who knows, a man who drinks too much runs the risk of destroying every relationship he has in his life.

Telling you he loves you is the easy bit. Changing his drinking habits will be the proof.

Jackie47

I don't post very often but OP hit a nerve....

I've been married to a bloke very much like your man OP...believe me they don't change...only for the worse. I thought it would be okay and that he would stop drinking and being a deceitful **** but it just got worse and worse!

Warning bells would ring for me when you said that he won't take responsibility for anything he's done. That's a sign of mental abuse in my opinion (trying to make out that his behaviour is your fault, do not believe his *****!!)

Just my 2p's worth, for what it's worth

Jackie xx

tesuhoha

The trouble is he will be nice now. Its his way of manipulating you. So if you stay with him it will happen again and you will be talking about finishing with him, then he will be sweet to you again.

The pattern will keep repeating itself until you truly realise that he is set in his ways at nearly 30 and will not change for you.

tattycath

My ex was/is a heavy drinker-he's not an alcoholic in the sense he misses work but he is alcohol dependent.
I was with him for 10 years. First signs came when he was physically violent, then it was mental cruelty-for 3 years. We had 2 children together . Me thinking he would change once the longed for children came along. That did not happen.
He used to drink beer and whisky chasers. He was ok on beer but when he drank whisky he became very aggressive-he was controlling, didn't like me having friends or talking to men. He even accused me of having a lesbian affair when I went to see a female friend. He never took responsibility for his abuse. In the early days when he was too drunk to stand I used to help him up to bed, but in the latter years I used to step over him and leave him on the floor. He used to tell me I was ugly and no one would want me if I left him- (he said lots of other nasty hurtful stuff too). day in - day out. I was at rock bottom when I left him. In the end he begged me to stay promisding he'd change, more empty promises so I left him anyway. I left him 12 years ago. Fast forward 6 years I met my husband-who's wonderful. My ex is still alone.
MHO is that you should get rid of him now OP. Good luck. x

splishsplash

My eldest is almost the age you were when you first 'met' your OH.

To say I'd be devastated that my daughter might end up investing two years of her life with such a tool is the very epitome of understatement.

He is a loser, he just doesn't know it yet.

Move on to better and brighter things, you are not responsible for him, and the fact that you sneak around apologising for him is sad.

I'm not even going to touch the bedwetting...

You deserve better. Let's face it, everyone does.

SandC

CoinX well done for being strong about this. Oh boy does your bloke remind me of my ex from when I was 20 through to nearly 24!

This is a classic case of someone having got their feet well and truly under the table and taking you for granted and treating you abysmally but hiding behind drink to do so.

We all have times when one of us, both of us, act like jerks, go through bad times and act out of character but when it's one sided and happens more and more it's about treating someone with respect. I asked myself would that ex of mine have treated a mate like he treated me and the answer was certainly not.

euronorris

coinxoperated wrote: »

Maybe it's me and my priorities that are wrong?

No, your priorities are not wrong. It's worrying to me that you would say something like that, as well as 'maybe I'm too focussed on my career'. Is this coming from you? Or is this something he's said to you? If he said it, does it happen to be when you're arguing about his unacceptable, drunken behaviour? Cos it's sounding like manipulation to me.

Please be careful.

Drink seems to be a problem for him. A big one. He may not drink often, but the result always seems to be the same, doesn't it?

His behaviour IS unacceptable. So I'd either be leaving or laying down an ultimatum at this point: This, this and this is unacceptable and has to change. Either you go and see someone (ie a counsellor) to discuss these issues and work through them, or I'm leaving.

If he isn't willing to do that, then he isn't worth staying with in my opinion.

euronorris

coinxoperated wrote: »

I do tend to hold on to things, I know this. Even though we 'got over' him kissing someone else, it still angers me. I know it's my fault I let it bother me, but that's a problem with me that at least I realise

No, no, no, no, no, no, no! Clearly you aren't over it. And why would you be when the behaviour that led to it is still happening? He's throwing his toys out of the pram because you haven't 'let it slide'. Well tough sh*t!

I take back what I said earlier. This man is a manipulative, bully of a drunk. Leave! Run! Don't look back!

Saturnalia

If he had any regret & remorse for what he had done and any desire to change, he'd have apologised the next day, changed the bed as soon as he woke up, and been at an AA meeting that night.

And he didn't do any of that.