Would you feel the same?

coinxoperated

I'm early 20's, he's nearer 30.

We have some really good times whn it's just us. We really do.

It's just these things that I just don't know how to fix. I'm a pretty stubborn lady, and I can indeed be difficult at times, but didn't know if I'm actually doing something wrong or not!

I have said that if he EVER gets in a fight I will leave him there, and he will return to all of his stuff out of my flat.

I'm just disgusted. I guess I was hoping this was 'it'. 'the one' so to speak. Maybe it turns out my 'one' is my dog, he's a nice pup and he doesn't urinate where he's not supposed too!

I guess it's only really been the last 3/4 weeks where i have really considered ending it. It just seems such a restrictive relationship

coinxoperated

And I know it sounds like we drink loads, but we really don't. We never have booze in the house, and the only real times we get particularly drunk is on our birthdays, new years of haloween. We really aren't big drinkers. He was before he met me, but I've never been that into booze. I don't need it to have a good time!

Jonee

oh my word...just read through this thread and would advise you to....get out of this relationship as quick as you can....it sounds as though things are going from bad to worse....he`ll pull you down with him if you let him so get your self respect back up and hold your head up high and walk away....a year from now he`ll be a distant memory...good luck

raven83

coinxoperated wrote: »

I'm early 20's, he's nearer 30.

We have some really good times whn it's just us. We really do.

It's just these things that I just don't know how to fix. I'm a pretty stubborn lady, and I can indeed be difficult at times, but didn't know if I'm actually doing something wrong or not!

I have said that if he EVER gets in a fight I will leave him there, and he will return to all of his stuff out of my flat.

I'm just disgusted. I guess I was hoping this was 'it'. 'the one' so to speak. Maybe it turns out my 'one' is my dog, he's a nice pup and he doesn't urinate where he's not supposed too!

I guess it's only really been the last 3/4 weeks where i have really considered ending it. It just seems such a restrictive relationship

Well if you are wanting to save the relationship then he needs to get a lid on his drinking and start acting like a grown man and not some hormonal teenage boy! It's hard when you really love someone and they do this, you just got to ask yourself the question- are they worth it?

Do you think that perhaps the desire to settle down and finding the "one" has clouded your judgment?

amyloofoo

You've only known him for 2 years as he's almost 30. I'd say his character's pretty much set and if it's going to change then it will be of his own volition and not though any actions of yours. There's not a massive amount of time (or trust) invested in this relationship so I'm wondering why you're even considering continuing in it? His behaviour is inappropriate and controlling and there's no need to put up with it, or to believe that he'll change. Sorry to be blunt, but you need to decide what you want from your life and not be with anyone who's holding you back from that goal... I very much doubt that your dreams and aspirations centre around someone who's prepared to get so drunk that they wet the bed, and even when sober is belligerent when asked to change the sheets :eek:

Sambucus_Nigra

coinxoperated wrote: »

I'm early 20's, he's nearer 30.

We have some really good times whn it's just us. We really do.

It's just these things that I just don't know how to fix. I'm a pretty stubborn lady, and I can indeed be difficult at times, but didn't know if I'm actually doing something wrong or not!

I have said that if he EVER gets in a fight I will leave him there, and he will return to all of his stuff out of my flat.

I'm just disgusted. I guess I was hoping this was 'it'. 'the one' so to speak. Maybe it turns out my 'one' is my dog, he's a nice pup and he doesn't urinate where he's not supposed too!

I guess it's only really been the last 3/4 weeks where i have really considered ending it. It just seems such a restrictive relationship

He IS the one. The one that gropes other women, fights other men, and pi55es the bed.

coinxoperated

Yorkie1 wrote: »

I don't think his behaviour is at all acceptable.

When things calm down after an incident, and he's sober (a few days later), is he approachable? Does he recognise that his level of drunkenness is causing a problem - does he show any inclination to drink any less? Is there a culture of drinking heavily in the group you go out with?

I'm asking these questions to try to get you to analyse whether there is realistically any chance of things changing in the future.

Re the incident in question on the dance floor, given his previous history of aggression towards people when drunk at clubs / pubs, his reaction to your dancing appears fairly predictable. I'm not saying that you shouldn't have been dancing, but do you want to live your life on eggshells in the future if he shows no inclination to change?

I think the way he refused to change the bed until after being repeatedly nagged says a lot. Either he doesn't respect you (and your property) or he doesn't see anything wrong with his behaviour.

Other than snogging another girl, (which he seemed genuinely upset about doing), he's maintained that he has ben in the right even after sobering up.

We are happy if we follow the 'routine' of work, dinner, bed etc, but as soon as attempt to do anything else he seems to make it a nightmare.

Obviously as the relationship is taking a dive, my sex drive towards him is dwindling too which I can tell he's
Frustrated with.

Don't get me wrong, I want it, I just don't want him doing it with me! I almost feel like I have too sometimes just in the hope it'll make us closer.

Just the other night, even though to him I was going along with his advances, I was wishing it was just over and done with in my head.

I know I'm not perfect, I'm insane about being careful with money, hate when plans change, and very career focused, so sometimes my minds on my career when maybe it should be on my relationship, but I think I know which one I would rather be successful. I hae an NVQ on the go which I am aiming to finish by Xmas, (2 yr course started a month ago..) just got a promotion at work and enjoy being independent and paying my way.

Maybe it's me and my priorities that are wrong?

geri1965_2

He sounds like a prize idiot. That's the behaviour of a teenager, not a grown man getting on for 30.

There are so many things wrong with his behaviour I don't know where to begin. The drinking, the possessiveness, the disrespectful behaviour...

Do yourself a big favour and get rid.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

If you put up with this, potentially, one morning you'll wake up soaked in his urine.

One morning you'll wake up with him in custody for murder.

One morning you'll wake up with him dead having started a fight with someone bigger and harder.

or one morning you won't wake up at all because he's killed you when drunk for flirting with another man.



Change the locks. Everything in bin bags in the front garden.

Change your phone number.


He's a prat, a drunken prat and most likely on his way to being a drunk who is a prat. (and he 'used to drink a lot'? That's called a relapse. He's already a problem drinker, and quite possibly a secret drinker. Looking for reasons to drink/find somebody else/blame you for making him do it/refusing to accept his behaviour has consequences/refusing to accept responsibility for his screwups. It's textbook.)

Tiddlywinks

coinxoperated wrote: »

I'm early 20's, he's nearer 30.

We have some really good times whn it's just us. We really do.

It's just these things that I just don't know how to fix. I'm a pretty stubborn lady, and I can indeed be difficult at times, but didn't know if I'm actually doing something wrong or not!

I have said that if he EVER gets in a fight I will leave him there, and he will return to all of his stuff out of my flat.

I'm just disgusted. I guess I was hoping this was 'it'. 'the one' so to speak. Maybe it turns out my 'one' is my dog, he's a nice pup and he doesn't urinate where he's not supposed too!

I guess it's only really been the last 3/4 weeks where i have really considered ending it. It just seems such a restrictive relationship

Don't make excuses or try to find reasons for his behaviour.

So, you have good times... do they outweigh the bad or the worry of more fights etc?

So what if you're difficult to live with - aren't we all in our own way? That's not the reason he gets drunk and gets into fights.

Just because you thought he might be THE one doesn't mean you won't find anyone ever again. You seem to be thinking that it's him or nothing - it's not, there'll be another one along if you don't keep hooked to someone who doesn't make you happy.