Would you feel the same?

coinxoperated

Hi all,

Just wanted some opinions on what I should do.

I met my OH about 2 years ago on an Internet dating site. We hit it off straight away, and within about 3-4 months he started practically living with me. Although we never meant it to happen, he just sort of moved in. I fell head over heels and was happy with it.

Anyway, 3 months in, new years eve, we were out and had drank as lot. I couldn't find him and after an hour of searching for him, I found him dancing and snogging some random girl. I was really upset and went in the toilets. More shock than anything! I was very drunk and stayed in the loo's for about an hour. I didn't know what to do.

When I came out the loo's I went to get a taxi home and leave him there and he had also come outside and was sat in the middle of the road with a blooded nose! Basically, this girl had a boufriend there too!

I put him in the taxi, brought him home, with plans to kick him out hen he had sobered up.

Anyway, he claimed (and still does) to not remember a thing. I let it go, put it down to booze, and told myself it was a drunken mess.

Recently, he seems to have very little trust for me. He's done some things in the last few months which have knocked my trust. (adding Facebook sites in his which have naked/Almost naked pictures of girls, Which I wouldn't mind tbh, if he didn't try to hide them!)

He's irritated me a lot more lately, just generally stopped making an effort for us or helping out around our home. It's always such a mess, and we both work full time, so we need to share out the housework. It feels like I'm nagging him all the time and I hate it. I've told him I don't want to nag him but he needs to do it off his own back, yet he doesn't bother.

Anyway, we went out a month ago, and there was almost a punch up as some guy knocked him spilling some of his drink. The guy said sorry in a nice way (it's a packed club, it's gonna happen!!) and my boyfriend literally turned around and pushed him so hard he fell over. I was stood in shock at what was going to happen. The guy flew towards him and then seemed to realise that it wasn't worth having a fight over and said sorry and explained again. My boufriend then told him to just 'f off'!

I went over to the guy a bit later on and apologised out of view of my bf. I didn't want to start another fight. The guy said he didn't know what the problem was but he's lucky he didn't punch him.

So we had a talk about it the next day, and my bf claims that this guy intentionally bumped into him. He obviously didn't.

Again, let it go, down to drink, we talked abou it, problem over.

Last night we went out again. We go out in a group of 6 and we generally end up with a larger group of us as we try to include everyone!

One my fave songs came on, and my br and a couple of other friends went off to get drinks. I carried on dancing with the group which consisted of 3 men and 1 other girl.

One of the guys grabbed my hands and spun me around and danced with me. Can I just add, not only was he extremely overweight, he was short, not attractive and we weren't even dancing very close! It was like dancing with a friend, nothing more!

My boyfriend flew over pushing him away from me saying 'f off she's my girlfriend'!!!

I was absolutely fuming. The whole group of people drifted off, my bf then attempted to pull me towards me and kiss him, which I onviously was NOT impressed with. I was livid.

He maintains I shouldn't dance with any other men in any way. I maintain that it was innocent dancing with a group of people who were having fun. This guy didn't know I had a boufriend, and I didn't think I should need to tell every guy that I meet that I have a boufriend so not to talk to me!

I don't have many male friends, Infact I don't have many friends at all. I've had some awful ones and have cut of the ones that sponged off me when I had cash or used me having my own place. I have one close female friend and a couple of other 'special occasion' friends.

My bf then proceeded to come home, storm off to bed, get up again, wee in my sink, then back to bed, and wet the bed. He obviously was absolutely stone drunk to do that, but get this :-

I didn't want to moan for him to change the bed, because after all, I would be so embarrassed if that happened to me! I didn't want to make a massive deal about it. He got too drunk, that's all.

It's now 18:44pm, and he's only just changing the bed after I had to argue with him to do it. I'm just disgusted. I really am.

This morning, I've worked out all my incomings and outgoings, and I've worked out that I could still keep my life the way if is minus his cash if I left him (well kicked him out...)

An I over reacting, is this the norm for relationships now?

I've had some horrible relationships before, and if this ends, I don't want another. I think I'm just a happier person being single. I just seem to be incompatible!

What can I do to make it better? Is this normal? Is it just not meant to be?

Wickedkitten

How old are you both?

Penny-Pincher!!

He sounds delightful!

What the hell are you doing with him?

Sorry, but his behaviour is disgusting and you deserve much better.

luxor4t

Oh dear, he sounds so like my ex! This is not normal behaviour in a grown man.
Lose him as quickly as you can.

skateykatey

Nope; it most certainly is not 'normal'. I appreciate that it's easy for me to say sat here on my laptop but...kick him out and then change the locks.

One day, he'll get hammered (cos he can't take his beer) and either threaten the wrong person or he'll seriously hurt someone. Whichever happens, you really really don't want to be a part of it.

In essence, he's a knobhead!

Sambucus_Nigra

coinxoperated wrote: »

What can I do to make it better? Is this normal? Is it just not meant to be?

Better how? How much of this are you actually enjoying?

Bluegreen143

Um... This is not normal?? How old are you two, assume quite young if he's getting so drunk all the time?

I drank and went out a lot at uni, and had some relationships where all we did was get drunk but if his drinking is regularly causing him to act in such a way hat it jeopardises your relationship, he needs to cut back. If he isn't willing to, it means that he isn't that bothered about you as his priority should be your relationship if you want it to last.

Generally me and the OH just found that wasted nights out like that naturally dropped off a good bit around a year after we moved in together and as we got a wee bit older, we still do drink too much at times but there's a difference between getting a bit merry and being so drunk that you wet the bed and if my OH did that I would not be impressed at all as he's 28, not 15!

Yorkie1

coinxoperated wrote: »

Hi all,

Just wanted some opinions on what I should do.

I met my OH about 2 years ago on an Internet dating site. We hit it off straight away, and within about 3-4 months he started practically living with me. Although we never meant it to happen, he just sort of moved in. I fell head over heels and was happy with it.

Anyway, 3 months in, new years eve, we were out and had drank as lot. I couldn't find him and after an hour of searching for him, I found him dancing and snogging some random girl. I was really upset and went in the toilets. More shock than anything! I was very drunk and stayed in the loo's for about an hour. I didn't know what to do.

When I came out the loo's I went to get a taxi home and leave him there and he had also come outside and was sat in the middle of the road with a blooded nose! Basically, this girl had a boufriend there too!

I put him in the taxi, brought him home, with plans to kick him out hen he had sobered up.

Anyway, he claimed (and still does) to not remember a thing. I let it go, put it down to booze, and told myself it was a drunken mess.

Recently, he seems to have very little trust for me. He's done some things in the last few months which have knocked my trust. (adding Facebook sites in his which have naked/Almost naked pictures of girls, Which I wouldn't mind tbh, if he didn't try to hide them!)

He's irritated me a lot more lately, just generally stopped making an effort for us or helping out around our home. It's always such a mess, and we both work full time, so we need to share out the housework. It feels like I'm nagging him all the time and I hate it. I've told him I don't want to nag him but he needs to do it off his own back, yet he doesn't bother.

Anyway, we went out a month ago, and there was almost a punch up as some guy knocked him spilling some of his drink. The guy said sorry in a nice way (it's a packed club, it's gonna happen!!) and my boyfriend literally turned around and pushed him so hard he fell over. I was stood in shock at what was going to happen. The guy flew towards him and then seemed to realise that it wasn't worth having a fight over and said sorry and explained again. My boufriend then told him to just 'f off'!

I went over to the guy a bit later on and apologised out of view of my bf. I didn't want to start another fight. The guy said he didn't know what the problem was but he's lucky he didn't punch him.

So we had a talk about it the next day, and my bf claims that this guy intentionally bumped into him. He obviously didn't.

Again, let it go, down to drink, we talked abou it, problem over.

Last night we went out again. We go out in a group of 6 and we generally end up with a larger group of us as we try to include everyone!

One my fave songs came on, and my br and a couple of other friends went off to get drinks. I carried on dancing with the group which consisted of 3 men and 1 other girl.

One of the guys grabbed my hands and spun me around and danced with me. Can I just add, not only was he extremely overweight, he was short, not attractive and we weren't even dancing very close! It was like dancing with a friend, nothing more!

My boyfriend flew over pushing him away from me saying 'f off she's my girlfriend'!!!

I was absolutely fuming. The whole group of people drifted off, my bf then attempted to pull me towards me and kiss him, which I onviously was NOT impressed with. I was livid.

He maintains I shouldn't dance with any other men in any way. I maintain that it was innocent dancing with a group of people who were having fun. This guy didn't know I had a boufriend, and I didn't think I should need to tell every guy that I meet that I have a boufriend so not to talk to me!

I don't have many male friends, Infact I don't have many friends at all. I've had some awful ones and have cut of the ones that sponged off me when I had cash or used me having my own place. I have one close female friend and a couple of other 'special occasion' friends.

My bf then proceeded to come home, storm off to bed, get up again, wee in my sink, then back to bed, and wet the bed. He obviously was absolutely stone drunk to do that, but get this :-

I didn't want to moan for him to change the bed, because after all, I would be so embarrassed if that happened to me! I didn't want to make a massive deal about it. He got too drunk, that's all.

It's now 18:44pm, and he's only just changing the bed after I had to argue with him to do it. I'm just disgusted. I really am.

This morning, I've worked out all my incomings and outgoings, and I've worked out that I could still keep my life the way if is minus his cash if I left him (well kicked him out...)

An I over reacting, is this the norm for relationships now?

I've had some horrible relationships before, and if this ends, I don't want another. I think I'm just a happier person being single. I just seem to be incompatible!

What can I do to make it better? Is this normal? Is it just not meant to be?

I don't think his behaviour is at all acceptable.

When things calm down after an incident, and he's sober (a few days later), is he approachable? Does he recognise that his level of drunkenness is causing a problem - does he show any inclination to drink any less? Is there a culture of drinking heavily in the group you go out with?

I'm asking these questions to try to get you to analyse whether there is realistically any chance of things changing in the future.

Re the incident in question on the dance floor, given his previous history of aggression towards people when drunk at clubs / pubs, his reaction to your dancing appears fairly predictable. I'm not saying that you shouldn't have been dancing, but do you want to live your life on eggshells in the future if he shows no inclination to change?

I think the way he refused to change the bed until after being repeatedly nagged says a lot. Either he doesn't respect you (and your property) or he doesn't see anything wrong with his behaviour.

raven83

How old is he? From your OP he sounds very juvenile! And obviously can't handle his drink! You sound like you could do so much better. Is there anything he does to make you happy?

Tiddlywinks

He drinks and then gets aggressive / gropes other women.

He was so drunk he wet the bed... and then refused to change the bedclothes.

He's no prize catch is he?

Do you want to be living with that for the rest of your natural? Your choice.

NickyBat

No it's not normal, and the thing is, is that this is early on in a relationship, if he has stopped trying now what will he be like in 5 or 10 years ?

You may have children by then and it makes it harder to leave the relationship.

And as for wetting the bed and peeing in the sink. :mad:

I think you deserve better.