Would you feel the same?

*Louise*

coinxoperated wrote: »

An I over reacting, is this the norm for relationships now?


What can I do to make it better? Is this normal? Is it just not meant to be?

Are you serious? Of course it's not normal or you wouldn't have to ask. Is this the way you want to be treated for the next ten years before you realise how much of a selfish lout he is?

Don't throw away your 20's on this man. You don't even want sex with him anymore because of the way he is so it's hardly likely to change considering he won't accept what he is doing wrong.

Can you imagine if you ever had children together....is he likely to step up to the mark or let you get on with it? I'm guessing the latter and I don't even know him

coinxoperated wrote: »

Just the other night, even though to him I was going along with his advances, I was wishing it was just over and done with in my head.

I know I'm not perfect, I'm insane about being careful with money, hate when plans change, and very career focused, so sometimes my minds on my career when maybe it should be on my relationship, but I think I know which one I would rather be successful. I hae an NVQ on the go which I am aiming to finish by Xmas, (2 yr course started a month ago..) just got a promotion at work and enjoy being independent and paying my way.

Maybe it's me and my priorities that are wrong?

Sounds like you have your main priorities right, just not your relationship ones.

The fact you had to MAKE him change the bed speaks volumes, he should have been ashamed and apologetic, he obviously has no respect for you.

As for urinating in the sink.....disgusting.

Edwardia

OP it's just not normal for a man in his late 20s to pee in the sink and be too drunk to wake up and therefore wet the bed. Your bf has a BIG drink problem. He's insanely jealous and insecure and is treating you like a possession rather than someone he loves. He will kiss other people but gets aggressive if a guy so much as talks to you.

He has to WANT to change his behaviour and you let him get away with it so he isn't going to do it.

I'm bothered too that this could get a lot worse.

I_wanna_live_for_free

Hope you find the inner strength to do what you have to hun x

Thinking of you.

You can do so much better for yourself than wasting your life with him. xx

ktb

My OH is the sweetest person when he has had a few beers, but he is a real lightweight and unfortunately has a group of pretty heavy drinkers for mates... A couple of times early on, I had to help him to bed halfway through an evening, but when it happened on Christmas Day last year, when we were at his families' place and I was 350 miles away from my family & friends I cracked & got upset when he woke up the following morning. He was MORTIFIED! He vowed he never wanted his drinking to upset me again and has since made a noticeable effort to keep a lid on it.

He never cheated or started fights or wet the bed! He just can't keep up with his mates sometimes and just needed taking home early.... that had always been 'normal' for him but seeing me upset was enough for him to change his ways. He has been a pleasure to socialise with ever since & restricts himself to shandy of all things! Most embarrassing ordering that in a round with these mates i can tell you. But he took all the jovial ribbings on chin & it works.

Not everyone comes into a relationship perfectly matched in every detail, but it is the effort & compromises and how someone reacts when they realise their behaviour has hurt the person they claim to care about, that i think demonstrate if you both have what it takes to make things work long term.

Personally I would NEVER have forgiven the snogging.... no matter how drunk my OH was. I don't think this guys is your 'one'!! You deserve someone who only wants to kiss YOU, no matter how many JDs he has inside him!! Good luck.

krlyr

coinxoperated wrote: »

Other than snogging another girl, (which he seemed genuinely upset about doing), he's maintained that he has ben in the right even after sobering up.

This is the biggest issue in my eyes. People act stupid when drunk - when you're drunk, you can't do much about it. But once you've sobered up, it's whether you recognise that you were a plonker. If he doesn't seem to find anything wrong with being aggressive or possessive when he's sober, that's worrying to me.

coinxoperated wrote: »

I dance / talk to others without meaning too (I just try too have a good night )
He gets peed off that I'm not desperately wanting his

This is a big red flag to me too. Stop and re-read your sentence...what is wrong with talking to other people? This just makes me worry that there's a controlling aspect in the relationship, you should never feel guilty for having friends and I would be very concerned if he has a problem with that.
http://www.drphil.com/articles/article/21/
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects.htm#signs

I see that you've had loads of good advice and made your decision, good luck in following through with it - and good luck with your NVQ!

coinxoperated

Thank you all for your replies.

I was up until about 1am this morning talk about things. He has a very childish attitude to the whole thing. I really let out how I feel about it and how him being possessive will infact just push me away. He doesn't seem to see what the big problem is.

In many ways, hes great. He does a lot for us in some respects, but in others he fails miserably and the cracks are becoming a lot wider.

I don't think I have ever cried so much in truth. It really is horrible.

We went to bed as we both had work this morning and he gave me a kiss goodbye. He called me on his way to work just to tell me he 'loved me'...

I used to think that was sweet, now I just think its a tactic for me to back down.

I'm in the horrible situation where I know full well what needs to happen, but still have hope it may get better or that he'll try harder. I've already been in a similar situation before, so I know it certainly does not get better.

I'm plucking up the courage to call it a day. My life in many ways will change with him gone. Like I said before, I don't really have any friends, my social life is pretty limited, so in some ways I have relied on him for 'something to do' in a way. I know that sounds harsh, but its not meant as bad as it sounds.

Thank you so much for all your advice x

krlyr

Do you do many activities with your dog? I found my mutts great for getting me out and about socialising - I found some local weekly dog walks I could attend as and when I felt like it, you could join a training class, fun classes like agility, scentwork, flyball, etc. and if you've got some spare time, you could find a local rescue to volunteer at - I met quite a few nice people by dog walking at a rescue near me.

PolishBigSpender

coinxoperated wrote: »

I know I'm not perfect, I'm insane about being careful with money, hate when plans change, and very career focused, so sometimes my minds on my career when maybe it should be on my relationship, but I think I know which one I would rather be successful. I hae an NVQ on the go which I am aiming to finish by Xmas, (2 yr course started a month ago..) just got a promotion at work and enjoy being independent and paying my way.

Maybe it's me and my priorities that are wrong?

Girl, you're very young. It's time to think about yourself and your career - you have plenty of time to find someone better, who you truly want and who doesn't !!!! in a bed!
Get rid of him.

rdchick

Hiya

I just wanted to say you're around the same age as me, you have your whole life ahead of you and definitely should have to be installing rubber sheets on your bed because you have a man who wees the bed at your age!!

I know it's incredibly hard to think about leaving someone you love - even when all the signs say get out (I am in the same situation - but just trying to ignore it - but he can control his bladder...) Think about what YOU want and make it your goal xxx

coinxoperated

Hiya

Yes, I do lots with my dog at the moment but could join a new club with him, obviously dependant on costs. I know he'd love it.

I'm in quite a bit of shock that it all seems to of come to a head so quickly. It's been brewing over a period of time but it all of a sudden seems much worse than I realised. It's a horrible feeling.

The worst and hardest part is that For the next few days he'll be really nice to be around.

Like I said, when it's just us, it's quite good. As soon as a 3rd/4th/5th person comes in he's an absolute knob