Found out by accident 14yr old dd smokes

pinkclouds

squidge60 wrote: »

My dd is getting the tobacco cheap (abroad)so by letting her keep her wages she wont feel it the same as if she were buying from a shop.

Just wanted to point out to people who have said "let her have the wages"she wont see the money dwindle the same as if she bought from a shop.

Not as fast but it will still go down. No pocket money and no luxuries from you. Teen girls want clothes, make up, hair things, going out (cinema, mall, etc)... it all adds up. Plus, she can't possibly work that many hours if she's under 16 so she can't earn a huge amount of money.

spugzbunny

squidge60 wrote: »

Shes not buying it from shops shes getting it i believe from friend she knows and its from abroad.

That is surely only a short term route though? If she is to become a full time smoker like I did - she will start buying it herself from somewhere.

byjimini

I'd take her pocket money, but taking money she's worked for? That's not right.

Certainly cancel the school trip, after all you're paying for it.

squidge60

stormbreaker wrote: »

Sounds VERY much like mine. He drank a lot too! He has admitted now how much he truly hated school and he was subjected to bullying. However the problem was not the the same people bullying him but numerous people would make comments which he would take to heart. Many would not realise the adverse effect they were having on him. Or appreciate he was hurting because of it.

Dd has mentioned being bullied in the past then dismissed it but she mentioned the other night that banter is nearly always aimed at her.
She doent appear bothered but maybe she is more than she will admit .:(
I think she mixes with this crowd as they are always outdoors and the friends she used to mix with at school are always in !
The other thing is the friends are mainly all older than her dont think that helps.

McKneff

stormbreaker wrote: »

Oh we did go through the.... smokers are not entertained in the NHS for many treatments...etc.. they will make excuses but the bottom line is that you are a smoker. .... do you realise the all kinds of insurances are more expensive etc etc.

To be honest I don't think any of that works. Insurances and health care are unimportant to healthy youngsters.

Do you realise that if you are a smoker and looking for an annuity you actually get more money if you are a smoker because your life expectancy is less so they wont be paying you as long as a non smoker, madness eh.

squidge60

byjimini wrote: »

I'd take her pocket money, but taking money she's worked for? That's not right.

Certainly cancel the school trip, after all you're paying for it.

Only taking the wages to monitor what she spends it on.!

squidge60

pinkclouds wrote: »

Not as fast but it will still go down. No pocket money and no luxuries from you. Teen girls want clothes, make up, hair things, going out (cinema, mall, etc)... it all adds up. Plus, she can't possibly work that many hours if she's under 16 so she can't earn a huge amount of money.

True i guess always something isnt it
she earns about 10/15 a day but like you said only allowed to do so many hours .

byjimini

squidge60 wrote: »

Only taking the wages to monitor what she spends it on.!

If it's their money then it's up to them, regardless of age.

I don't like smoking either, but you've got to be careful since kids will sometimes do things purely to rebel against their parents, no matter how lovely and caring you've been. If you crack down too much then you risk driving her to it more.

Either way, I think you've done the right thing in stopping pocket money. Make it as hard for them to continue without being unreasonable.

squidge60

Thanks everyone for taking the time to answer made me feel a massive amount better.:D

Partly found this hard as dd has been deceitful/sneaky/lied in the past and i hoped we had moved on from that:(

I cannot pretend its really hurt she knows exactly how i feel about behaving like that.:(

Idiophreak

byjimini wrote: »

If it's their money then it's up to them, regardless of age.

That's not really the case, though. They're still your responsibility, so you're still responsible for what they spend their money on.

For instance...guns.

If your 14 year old daughter went out and bought a handgun with her summers' earnings, would you be saying "it's her money, she can do what she want?"...not so sure.