Found out by accident 14yr old dd smokes

thehappybutterfly

squidge60 wrote: »

My dd is lucky asthma is not an issue for her.

I am sorry your mum died at such a young age

Hopefully your dd knowing the history of your mum not take smoking up.
Thankyou for posting i dont know what else to say x

I started smoking when I was 14 and not long after that (I'm talking weeks) I developed asthma. Maybe it was just coincidence...... I stopped straightaway but had a brief reaquaintance when I was 21 and was soon admitted to hospital with a very, very severe asthma attack. Close to death apparently.

I've had horrendous asthma ever since (I'm now 43) and I blame the smoking. I honestly don't know if smoking can trigger asthma but perhaps something to think about?

suki1001

This website is aimed at under 18's who smoke. Bits of it are still under construction, but there might be some useful things on there for her. Plus there's a helpline.

http://quitbecause.org.uk/

The nhs have advice too:

http://www.nhs.uk/Livewell/smoking/Pages/Teensmokersquit.aspx

I'm not sure telling someone the health risks that might happen when they're older will be effective enough because it seems so far away. But these might give her some good advice.

squidge60

cottonhead wrote: »

I guess there is double dissapointment here - that she smokes and she lied to you. If you can then show your daughter the effect of smoking and how it can ruin your life - maybe not now but in the future. My nan smoked for years and every time I caught her ( she wasnt a haevy smoker and always smoked outside etc ) I would tell her its not good and she should stop. She lived to 83 but it was throat cancer that killed her in the end and her death was a horrible one. She told me there and then that she regretted every single cigarette. Back the I guess they didnt know the dangers but now we do perhaps showing your daughter the truth rather than just saying its bad etc might help a bit. Empahasise you are unhappy not because its illegal or she is too young but that she is damaging her body and you dont want someone who is so precious to you to damage themselves. I think you also need to remember that although she is only 14 stopping just like that will be hard just as it would be for an adult so seek some professional help if you have to. Also cheap tobacco is probably worse - goodness knows what is in it. I saw a programme once and they showed tiny bits of glass in it and also fertilizer ! Make sure she knows all of this so at least she is making an informed choice. I would also poit out that there might be peer pressure but what sort of person thinks its fine to damge their body and encourage someone else to do the same ? Not a very smart one and actually she will get more respect and better friends but showing she can make up her own mind and make cleaver choices rather than just follow the crowd.
I wouldnt withold her wages thats a seperate issue. She needs to be taught that hard work equals reward. She will get cigarettes one way or another if she is addicted anyway and its better that she pays for them then gets them by some other worse means.
Perhaps have a special day just the two of you and reconnect and learn to talk to each other. Perhaps you could confide in her about something so its a two way channel and doesnt just seem like bossy old mum nagging!
I hope things improve.

Thanks for the post
I like to think we are close enough to get things back on track.:)

Sorry your nans death was a horrible one:(

Trouble is talking to much to my dd just goes over her head that i dont know if it would work tbh.

squidge60

suki1001 wrote: »

This website is aimed at under 18's who smoke. Bits of it are still under construction, but there might be some useful things on there for her. Plus there's a helpline.

http://quitbecause.org.uk/

The nhs have advice too:

http://www.nhs.uk/Livewell/smoking/Pages/Teensmokersquit.aspx

I'm not sure telling someone the health risks that might happen when they're older will be effective enough because it seems so far away. But these might give her some good advice.

Thanks for the links

I agree i think with my dd telling her the risks can seem a long way off and then you can have the "it wont happen to me"but its still giving her something to think about.:D

suki1001

squidge60 wrote: »

Thanks for the links

I agree i think with my dd telling her the risks can seem a long way off and then you can have the "it wont happen to me"but its still giving her something to think about.:D

It's the section where it says: 20 seconds after you stop x happens, 10 minutes after you stop x happens. I think they're quite effective for any age.

squidge60

I have just spoken to her (i had to leave it this long due to how i felt i didnt want it to be a shouting match) !

So shes saying she doesnt know how long or how many.!

She also said she was going to give up anyway as she had been giving some though how bad it is so not sure
Tried to find out if she needs any help asked about cravings and shes saying that cravings arent an issue but she used to crave ?

It seems like shes in the early stages so i am hopeing she is going to stop.

Shes not working over the holidays (think shes a bit gutted)hopefully makes things easier.


She said sorry but i felt it was a little to easy (if you know what i mean) shes terrible for talking sometimes anyway seemed preoccupied with getting in the shower whilst saying her throats bad 9so thats why she didnt have much to say about it).

Told her we will have think about the holiday

Thankyou very much to everyone who has taken time to post
its been a massive help i debated about posting but very glad i did now.:D

byjimini

Idiophreak wrote: »

That's not really the case, though. They're still your responsibility, so you're still responsible for what they spend their money on.

For instance...guns.

If your 14 year old daughter went out and bought a handgun with her summers' earnings, would you be saying "it's her money, she can do what she want?"...not so sure.

I assumed the young girl was brought up decently, and not living in a ghetto.

lika_86

Is there anyone she really looks up to/admires/wants to please that might be able to talk to her?

My dad died when I was 7 and so my nan and grandad had a big role in the lives of me and my sister. My grandad always worked hard and worked his way up from very little, he always took us away as a family on holiday and took over a father role really. He's always wanted the best for us and for us to do well, he paid for part of my vocational legal training course as well (which I was going to fund myself but he insisted) until I got funding from my firm. I love my grandad so much and the idea of disappointing him in any way would break my heart. When I was younger (maybe 12 or something) he made me promise him one thing, that I would never do drugs. It's not the sort of thing that has ever tempted me anyway but it's the one thing that would have ever won out over peer pressure, temptation or anything else. Maybe something like that could work if there is someone similar in your daughter's life?

squidge60

lika_86 wrote: »

Is there anyone she really looks up to/admires/wants to please that might be able to talk to her?

My dad died when I was 7 and so my nan and grandad had a big role in the lives of me and my sister. My grandad always worked hard and worked his way up from very little, he always took us away as a family on holiday and took over a father role really. He's always wanted the best for us and for us to do well, he paid for part of my vocational legal training course as well (which I was going to fund myself but he insisted) until I got funding from my firm. I love my grandad so much and the idea of disappointing him in any way would break my heart. When I was younger (maybe 12 or something) he made me promise him one thing, that I would never do drugs. It's not the sort of thing that has ever tempted me anyway but it's the one thing that would have ever won out over peer pressure, temptation or anything else. Maybe something like that could work if there is someone similar in your daughter's life?

Goodness sorry your dad died when you were only seven

I must admit i had a great relationship with my nan and if she had expressed disapointment i would have been alot less likely to do it.
So i know what you mean.

There is noone except me and oh but we all have a good relationship (well i think so anyway) !so am hopeing that telling her how disapointed i am (and how much she means to us someone suggested it on this thread ) that she is going to take it onboard.
Thankyou for sharing.x

loulou123

I started smoking at about 14 - don't think it was peer pressure as I was one of the 1st in my group of friends.

My mum found out almost immediately, but didn't tell me she knew, as she thought the more I had to 'hide' it the less I'd actually smoke (as couldn't smoke at home, near home etc!) Her sneaky plan actually worked and up to 16 I properly smoked 1 or 2 cigs a day maximum.

When I was 16 though, and old enough, I told my mum I smoked (figuring there was little she could do at that point, as it was legal etc.) She didn't tell me to stop - I was kind of teenager if she had, I'd have just smoked more.

I know this isn't what you want to hear, but as a teenager she properly won't give up unless SHE wants to. I didn't care a bit about the 'health risks' as I remember telling my mum 'everyone's gonna die from something...'

If you stop her money, I guarantee she will get them somehow...I think the answer is to just make it hard for her to smoke - as others have suggested make her do her own washing, if she starts smoking in front of you make her stand in in middle of garden - my mum used to do this and 1 you feel a right idiot and 2 its not much fun in rain and wind!

By the way I gave up when I was 25 ish, completely of my own accord!